Getting to know someone – but with what attitude?

There are two ways to get to know someone; the Survivalist*and the Idealists* way… Or, if you will, the narcissistic way and the narcissistic way – depending entirely on your own way of thinking, the opposite, to you, will seem narcissistic.

the Survivalist* way: So what is the role you need me to support?

the Survivalist* view personalities as a type of theatre created for the entertainment of others. They don’t really care what it is; they just want to know what kind of role you’re playing and what you want them to support. So they want you to confirm to them that “yes, you got it, I ‘am’ a ‘good person.'” If you give them confusing, complicated character traits: “well, I’m not a saint, I mean, I have my flaws,” they think in a sense like describing an actor in a play. To a dog-type, NONE of this is real.

So they’ll maybe ask you what you think they are, as in, “which role do you want me to play?” They listen to it as if you were developing their character, not describing it. Therefore, telling a dog-type: You’re stupid! they will react to it by acting as stupid as possible because they think you’d enjoy a stupid friend. If you keep INSISTING, they’re stupid; they’ll keep upping the ante like you were displeased with their level of stupidity before; the displeasure in your voice, to them, indicates you didn’t think they were acting stupid enough before!

Always, with the Survivalist*, remember that they don’t think of such things as “fake.” They don’t know the meaning of the word. In fact, they may be so out of touch with it that they simply feel frustrated if you point out that this is not a “marble floor” but a “plastic floor carpet with marble texture”, which to the Survivalist*may make very little difference.

the Idealists* way: I describe who I am, you describe who you are, we describe each other to see if we understand each other, then decide whether we are compatible.

the Idealists* put a lot more effort into becoming who they are and finding a match for themselves. They can spend hours conversing to decide whether they want to be friends after that. By the time the Idealists* has finalized a decision on whether they’re even interested or not, the Survivalist*is halfway down the aisle with them.

the Idealists* should stop doing that and put their faith back to love at first sight, which is absolutely the ONLY good way a Idealists* will ever make a friend or a lover. They don’t because the Survivalist* keep insisting on a “chance to prove themselves to be just as good”… Or something along those lines. They think that if another person can play the role, they can be taught to do it, too. The only question is willingness; am I willing to be an actor in your play or not?

The problem is that the Idealists* don’t want actors. They feel it to be completely deflating to find out that someone has changed themselves to their liking; presenting a fake when they were looking for the real thing. It is difficult for the Survivalist*to understand what the difference is, but the Idealists* know and should never put themselves into that situation again… And only go by a gut feeling; or instinct… Love/acceptance/kinship/understanding at first sight.

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