Give people you love attention when they’re begging for it
You know how we react to “attention-seekers”. We say: “Oh they’re just doing this for attention. Don’t give them attention, because that’s what they want.” When you think about it, it’s like saying: “Look, she’s just thirsty. Don’t give her water because that’s what she wants.” There is a REASON people want attention, and it is TRULY akin to water and food. We NEED attention to remain sane. We need HUMAN CONNECTION to stay sane. People who seek attention are deprived of THE KIND OF ATTENTION they need, and there’s 2 kinds:
- Attention to your inner feelings and thoughts. (the Idealists*.)
- Attention in the attempt to reassure you that you won’t be left alone. (the Survivalist*.)
People who want attention to their feelings can be driven further into insanity if they are being reassured that they won’t be left alone, WITHOUT anyone listening to their true feelings and thoughts. And these thoughts are NOT “I fear being abandoned”, but that’s what the type 2 category thinks it’s about.
When a type two -person goes mad, they’ll try to STOP people from (EVER) leaving them and they may use violence to do it. When a type 1 person goes mad, they attempt to FORCE type 2 people to go away, so they can have meaningful relationships with someone who knows how to have them. Someone who they can truly open up to and connect with. A type 1 personality uses violence less frequently than a type 2 person because they feel it is UNLIKELY they will be able to form the kind of bond they want if they’ve committed murders or been violent with others. For what they need, violence is counterproductive but they can resort to it as a last resort.
the Survivalist* not only won’t give the Idealists* the attention they need, they also block the Idealists* from getting what they need from other people
The problem here is, that the Survivalist* are generally speaking completely incapable of giving the Idealists* the kind of attention they need, but they are 100% committed to giving them the kind of attention they don’t want: overbearing, complete, and void of all real connection. The Idealists* feels like they are being locked into a vacuum, not a cocoon the way the Survivalist* wants to make them feel like.
the Survivalist* are also very much in the mindset that THEY are the sociable ones, they are the ones who know people, and if a Idealists* is suffering, the last thing they’re going to do is to listen to a Idealists* tell them what they need to feel happy. This further deprives the Idealists* from the attention they require.
Further, the Survivalist* may block other people away from the Idealists* under the mindset that THEY understand the Idealists* is only “hungry for attention” and they think they’re doing others a favor by blocking them away from everybody, considering the Survivalist* “knows” the Idealists* and therefore, they must just keep others away from them until the Idealists* learns to trust they’ll never leave them and that the Idealists* is “safe at home”. In the meanwhile, the Idealists* is feeling more and more trapped, and can, eventually submit to their fate that they’ll never get away from the void, and will more than likely become depressed and suicidal. If they do not lose all their hope instead of depression, they may turn schizophrenic and murderous instead.
The Survivalist* fears, however, that if the Idealists* starts to display strong signs of distress (schizophrenia and violent tendencies) they fear that if they let them go, they’ll murder the people they’re trying to, in order to show the “failing the Survivalist*” that “look, this is what happens when you let me go lose”. In reality, the murderous tendencies will be targeted toward the people holding onto them, often parents or guardians, or their significant other who turned out to be not only loving but also suffocating, controlling, and clingy.
The Survivalist* rarely believes the Idealists* needs what they say they need
the Idealists* are often highly intelligent. Therefore, their need for human contact is also highly intellectual. When a Idealists* tries to make someone feel better, they try to talk to that person, to get to the inner feelings, that are most often completely incomprehensible to the Survivalist*. A Survivalist* may also express their fears to a Idealists*, who will often dismiss them as childish, meaningless, or nothing to worry about, because the Survivalist*’s fears mean equally little to a Idealists* as vice versa.
The SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR In a relationship is a similar IQ. No matter what else goes on, for people to be about at the same level of cognitive ability, they will be able to solve almost any other issue in their relationship, and a smarter person will not understand a less intelligent person any better than the other way around, it’s just that it is POSSIBLE for a smart empath to understand the low of IQ, with A LOT OF CONCERTED EFFORT on their part.
When the Survivalist* looks for attention, it’s about the fear of abandonment
When the Survivalist* looks for attention or love, they do it out of fear of being abandoned or forgotten. If a Idealists* fears this, they’ll resort to surviving alone, they’ll start working harder, and coming up with measures where being forgotten won’t become a problem (like never leaving the tour bus when it stops for a toilet break or making sure they’re the first one back), but the Survivalist* will glue themselves on a person they trust. The Survivalist* will also try and make noise a lot so people will notice them gone if they happen to be late or if something happened to them, they’d notice “the loud one is missing”.
the Idealists* go into a survival mode when they fear abandonment, the Survivalist* make noise, they annoy people, they will even move onto someone’s property without permission or with a tentative “well alright”, and park themselves in refusing to ever leave. IF someone cannot leave the place they’re at, the Survivalist* will GLEEFULLY move in with them, knowing that if they won’t leave, that person won’t leave, either.
A Survivalist* may also figure that “if I kill you, you will never leave me.” A Survivalist* may also act horribly to TEST people’s willingness to stay, and trust only those who will withstand their fire. An the Idealists* rarely does that – only when they are truly in love with someone thought like that may cross their mind, but the lack of it is no indication as to how much in love they are with a person.
When a Idealists* seeks for attention, it’s about finding like-minded people who understand them better
the Idealists* suffer in a company where deep and meaningful conversations are not a daily thing. They need to be DAILY, not “that one time when you were 17, when we had that great talk”. The Survivalist* (and perhaps malnourished the Idealists*) are quite proud to have had a meaningful conversation or two in a lifetime, making them feel super smart and philosophical, but to a Idealists*, these conversations must be CONSTANT with the people who they feel the closest to. Daily.
Every conversation, to them, must be meaningful, OR the conversation must be fully spiritual, as in staying in the emotion of togetherness – but they’ll never get there without PLENTY of heart-to-hearts prior. They’ll never TRUST another person without having had many good philosophical talks with them, that to a Idealists* is like the water they drink. They don’t feel these conversations are smarty pant or showing off or whatever, they are the very reason they even want people around them permanently. The only other reason is sex, but if someone is planning on staying permanently, they had better be able and willing to talk to them on the philosophical level… A LOT.
That is not to say that two the Idealists* will never live in the same address for years without ever truly talking, as they do, but they will always SEEK for a conversation in people who they want to permanently bond with. If that doesn’t happen, they consider a person in the same house a complete stranger for as long as that conversation starts to roll.
Being alone
When a Idealists* fails to engage people in deep and meaningful conversations, they prefer solitude. They’ll rather lock themselves into a room and read or write. They will study the minds of other people, artists, philosophers, writers, and write for other people for THEIR time in need. To them, writing is like leaving food out for the homeless and poor. They may not be YOUR people, but they’ll need the sustenance on their way to whoever is missing them.
To the Survivalist*, however, seeking solitude is another way of seeking attention. “Oh look at me, I’m alone in my room. Things are wrong for me! SEEEE, NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!” A Survivalist* wants people to follow and ask them if they’re alright in there. The Idealists* feel deprived of EVEN THEIR OWN company if people keep following them into their private spaces.
Granted, both types suffer alone, both types would prefer company, but the Idealists* may feel better ALONE than in the company of people who will never talk about anything meaningful to them.
Give them the attention they need
Both types need attention from other people. However, a Idealists* will be DEPLEATED if they give the Survivalist* the attention the Survivalist* need, and the Survivalist* will feel EXPOSED and ATTACKED if they give the Idealists* the attention they need, therefore, these two types RARELY mix well. ONLY in the event that the Survivalist* and the Idealists* are True Emotion Mirrors to each other, which is possible but highly unlikely, will they be able to give each other the things that they need.
the Survivalist* need a promise that you will never leave them
An the Idealists* will never PROMISE their company to a person they are not romantically head over heels in love with, they will NEVER EVER PROMISE they will never leave another person if they don’t mean it.
Even in their wedding wows, they will NEVER PROMISE TO not leave their spouse unless they are fully and utterly in love with them – and even then it comes with a clause: “Unless we’ll wind up suffering together”. A Survivalist* will stay even if you both suffer. They may even feel more bonded and secure with you if you make them suffer. This is one of the reasons the Survivalist* and the Idealists* rarely make True Emotion Mirrors, as their way of bonding is very different. It may have happened in a previous lifetime, but it is unlikely they’ll do that anymore when the options are so many for a Idealists* to choose from. The Idealists*-the Survivalist* bonds would be ancient if they exist at all.
Don’t promise the Survivalist* what you cannot keep, but, if you mean it, reassure them of whatever you can reassure them of.
the Idealists* will need attention from people who appreciate their intelligence/genius
If a Idealists* is not allowed to seek for recognition and connection from people of their own level of intelligence, they will leave you to find it. If you are a blood relative, they will come back to you, but if not, they don’t really see what the point of your relationship might be. Even if they get sex from a person, the intellectual connection missing is not going to entice them to stay.
If you want to make a friend with a Idealists*, give their art, writing, science, philosophy, sermons, whatever, the attention and recognition it deserves. FLATTER them. The Idealists* love flattery, where the Survivalist* hate it. The Survivalist* feel that if they fail to live up to the expectations, people will leave them. The Idealists* don’t have this fear. They feel their previous work is already there, and they will feel they don’t NEED TO keep producing the same stuff in order to be loved by the people who truly love them, and like… Hmm. The Idealists* can love you for something you did half a century ago, even hundreds of years ago because at the time that you did it, you did it WONDERFULLY. They can still love you for the looks you had in your 20’s, and they don’t CARE if you can no longer live up to your best-ever work or looks.
Fading out
the Survivalist* feel they’re only as good as their last album, but to a Idealists*, that kind of thinking is stupid. NOBODY can be expected to exceed perfection, or to reach it multiple times in a lifetime. If you do, GOD ALMIGHTY! That is pulling off a miracle! To a Idealists*, an achievement in the 1300’s is still worth celebrating, and they do celebrate genii FREQUENTLY and IN MASS.
An the Idealists* needs to know they’ve done enough to leave a lasting mark on someone’s life… Once in a lifetime, but they’ll need deep and meaningful conversations for life, daily. Oh, and the Idealists* also need someone to demand their best performance, too. They want their POTENTIAL to be respected, too, and then, be left to rest on their laurels once they’ve reached their peak performance. After that, their life may be simply living off the joy of having done that, and pleasurably dabbling in the field, since. Then again… There’s Aerosmith. 😉
Steven Tyler is one of those the Survivalist* who are lucky in a way to have a bottomless well of talent in his use. That’s the good news. The bad news is he seems the type who feels he can’t stop recreating yet another masterpiece out of fear of being ignored and forgotten, and thus losing the love he’s gained over the years. Eternally afraid of dying alone regardless of his successes. It is possible the Survivalist* stars will seek an early grave when they’re still high on popularity, out of fear they’ll see their loved ones abandon them if they fall out of success at some stage in their life, or cannot live up to the expectation of their previous work.
Even stars need reassurance
the Survivalist* need reassurance that even if they won’t perform as well as they did last time, they’re still going to be loved and appreciated and kept by their loved ones (and preferably by their labels). However, promising the Survivalist* that the label company won’t dump them like a hot potato would probably inspire them to produce crappy work just to see if the company meant it or not that they’ll stick by them no matter what. So companies should never make FRIENDS with the Survivalist*, but keep them on their toes at all times… But their friends and family, it is IMPORTANT they know that even if the companies kick them out, they will still be loved by their friends and family – even if the coke runs out and the money stops rolling in.
the Idealists* need reassurance that their self-image is realistic. They want to be certain that they have not lost their sight on their own standard; whether it’s better or worse than their own idea of it. They are not worried about being left at this stage, if they’ve made enough money to live alone to old age without financial worries, they’re fine, but they need to ensure their sense of self isn’t impaired and that they haven’t created a massive ego for themselves. While the Survivalist* can be good for them as they are argumentative, the Survivalist* can also give the Idealists* a deflated ego, which is better than an inflated ego, but still not what the Idealists* is looking for. The Idealists* want REALISM, not fantasies in one direction or another.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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