It is popular to think that looks don’t matter in a relationship (nor does IQ, either, according to the same people) and that the only thing that matters is your ability to love. People who don’t think looks matter in a relationship often feel that love is an action, something you do for other people, rather than a feeling, something you feel for other people. Although I think everyone agrees it is a little bit of both, the emphasis changes from camp to camp.

To some people looks genuinely don’t matter in a relationship – at least they say so. Still, it is surprisingly common for modest-looking people to hope that good-looking people would love them, which I find quite hypocritical. If looks don’t matter, why are you not offering your love to people who have fewer options, who need your love more than others, which is the sales pitch good-looking people often hear. “They need the love more.”

I have a theory on that.

People who maintain their looks care about what others think of them. This goes beyond looks, too; they also try to be nice, attentive, and kind – successful, and helpful, responsible. People who don’t care about how they look very often, this will sound mean; also don’t care how they speak to others and how they come off to others. They may take pride in being this… pardon me, a mean tank of wrath rolling in your direction threateningly, especially if they find you interesting. It’s like the beast comes out after a while, but it may not be there among similar-looking people.

Then again, relaxed looks can also mean a relaxed, chilled life attitude. These people wouldn’t necessarily want a relationship with someone who gets up at 6 am for a run, never deviates from their strict diet plan, and fusses over their hair all the time. They want someone to crash in front of the television with a jar of cookie dough, perhaps enjoying an evening of Miss Universe without feeling one ounce of jealousy or wrath at the competitors. But these people also wouldn’t be crushing on a fitness celebrity in a hurry, thinking they’re so good-looking they must be lonely and fearful nobody will love them unless they stay fit…

True Love is about matching ideals.

What looks have to do with love is that True Lovers have a mutual set of ideals, including aesthetics. When you want to look nice for your lover, you wish they’d return the favor.

Maintaining a good figure and health speaks a lot about a person, and sometimes people think the high-achiever would be relieved to find someone who wasn’t looks-obsessed, but that might not be at all the case. They may genuinely enjoy a healthy lifestyle, and frankly, looking good is an enjoyment in itself for a lot of people. They do not stay that way fearing that nobody would love them – they stay that way because the kind of people they would love wouldn’t want them if they didn’t care for their looks. They also accept this as a fair trade: if I want to be in a relationship with someone fit, I also should stay fit.

Even without a relationship being based on true love, looks matter to those to whom looks matter – and to other people, being perceived as a good person matters. If a person believes that they should respond to love with love or give a chance to people they are not truly sexually attracted to, they may get romantically involved without being in love with that person – just to polish their own halo. They don’t do it to be mean; they do it to adhere to expectations. Still, almost every single one of us would rather be in a relationship with someone who is equally good-looking or better-looking than we are… Except for my high school friend who didn’t wear makeup and insisted that the man she’d marry shouldn’t spend more time in front of the mirror than she does. (She didn’t say anything about good looks, tho.)

How likely is it that a very attractive person is a True Emotion Mirror of a more “modest-looking” person?

As I mentioned, true lovers share ideals. Therefore, it is unlikely that the True Emotion Mirror of someone very attractive would be modest looking, let alone unattractive.

The reason why a lot of modest-looking people think a very attractive person loves them is that nice people are friendly to them, and nice people are also often good-looking too. So when a good-looking person is a base-level nice to someone who isn’t used to attention, they may misinterpret it as a romantic interest.

Although I am not saying that a highly attractive person couldn’t possibly be the True Emotion Mirror of a less attractive person, I’d say it’s HIGHLY unlikely to be a hidden crush. I’d keep a sense of realism in that, even if that person hung out with you (online) a lot.

Still, I am not saying it couldn’t possibly be, but I don’t think it’s very likely.

(This is mostly spurred on by a situation where an unattractive person is convinced that a celebrity is in love with them or would be if they knew him or her. When the good-looking person is a celebrity, the likelihood they have a secret crush on an unattractive-looking common person they met once at a fan meetup during which he was nice to her is super duper low.)

Would I not feel offended if my True Emotion Mirrors wouldn’t love me if I was fat?

My fitness levels do not influence my True Emotion Mirror’s love for me or vice versa. It’s more that it is UNLIKELY for True Emotion Mirrors that have any appreciation toward physical looks to lose their looks unless due to some bizarre self-hatred or deep-seated wrath against their high school PE teacher or the School Football team.

When our True Emotion Mirrors veer off the shared ideal, the love doesn’t diminish; we just react to it with a wish to push each other back to the ideal path. (We may suppress it when it comes to something like weight gain or bad fitness because we don’t want our True Emotion Mirrors to think they’re not loved because their looks are fading, but the wish might still be there… “Dude… You’re pushing 60, sure, but you ain’t dead yet…”)

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