Guilt of having it all

For every person who adores and admires someone in the limelight, there is probably about ten who wants to tear you down and guilt you for everything that you have in your position. These people want to make themselves believe that what you have is a stroke of luck rather than something that you deserve because that belief makes them feel better about who they are and what they have – how completely they failed to be where you are at. It is quite common for those who want what someone else has the most, to be tearing them down most brutally, only to avoid looking at themselves and the reasons why they do not have what you do. In other words; We envy those who already express what we are deep down but can’t express yet. Whatever it is that they see you having is another thing; could be as little as people who want you sexually, when they can’t get any attention no matter how much they try, and they feel you get it sooo easy because of your profession.

I want to tell you this, from the spiritual standpoint: God didn’t give you your talent or your skills or your luck. If he had, he would have done so for everyone in this universe. You are not his favorite, and you didn’t strike lucky, either. What you have is because you worked for it, both emotionally and physically, across lifetimes. The people who are currently creating the most incredible computer graphics for movies and games to give us all those fantastic illusions, probably started learning painting in a cave somewhere. They didn’t just pick it up out of nowhere, they learned everything they can do, from scratch, out of persistent love towards what they are doing, and now, they simply adapt what they already know into a new environment and new tools.

What I do, is no accident, I have a past life memory of being an ape of some kind, laying on my back in a tree nest, looking at the stars wondering if I could touch them if I found a tall enough tree. I needed to understand what they were, just like, in this lifetime, I felt the need to understand everything that surrounds me. I have been a medicine woman, I have guided my tribe towards enlightenment from times immortal, I have been struggling with morality, virtue, the road to happiness and bliss for an eternity, I have been deepening my understanding of humanity and divinity across lifetimes, little by little, and a jump by jump as it sometimes was. And I have made my fair share of mistakes along the way. But I didn’t arrive at this point by some quirk of fate or accident, I came here because nothing in this world excites me more than understanding connections between things in the seen and the unseen.

And you didn’t arrive at the point where you are at by accident, either. Whatever it is that drives you has been driving you (insane) for an eternity. And you are following that thing like a dog chases after a bone.

The people who are still looking at you with jealousy in their eyes, they haven’t yet accepted two things:

1) Getting what you want requires work.
2) To become a master at something, you first need to accept that you are not yet a master.

And it is the latter that they are most eagerly trying to deny. “It was an accident, birthright, their circumstances were favorable, they didn’t have to face the problems I had, they were lucky, they had help and money… And they lip sync.”

You make it look easy because you draw from ancient old experience base. It comes naturally to you because you have honed a skill for so long. What takes others months to master, to you comes in a day or two – or something. And, people who have a hunger for self-improvement (and must be one since you’re here) rarely stop at one skill or two, they know more stuff than they have an application for. People at the pointy end of evolution know how to deal with other people because it is a practical skill. They simply know how people feel and behave and what makes them tick, some know this instinctively without having even noticed, some take delight in it and study other people for a profession (actors, writers, storytellers the same as psychologists and the like). In many ways, a creative artist knows humanity better than a professional psychologist would because they use their natural abilities to do it, rather than figure that hey, “let’s perform a series of tests to see if we can figure out why people fall in love”. They still don’t know.

There is also a skill that many jealous people utilize to a great effect: using your guilt to give them stuff. I am not saying that you should harden  yourself up and stop showing compassion for those who are less fortunate, but in some ways, the people who do deserve help are rarely those who demand it. Whenever you feel icky about being asked for donations in the form of time or money, you are probably reacting to being taken advantage of, being disrespected or manipulated. Then, you would usually begin beating yourself up about not wanting to give something, and you give maybe twice as much than what you wanted to give, just to make sure you are not being a bad person. And this is what a whole lot of people count on.

Then again, with people who are close to you, you can use your giving, generous nature as a tool to force people into staying near you when you know they would rather run a mile than to stay with you. This is another matter entirely that I will blog more about at another time because this way of controlling others financially happens on the meta-level a lot, which means that even though you seem to be giving something, you are holding the other person as a hostage with an emotional stranglehold… Even if you didn’t have to.

Another thing that you might find soothing to know is that people who are “destined for success” have that star quality and mentality before nobody even knows their name. They might be denying it even from themselves, and that is probably the reason why they are where they are, but they know what they are and where they belong, even if nobody surrounding them does not. You can sense the internal battle in people who know they’ve got talent but nothing to show for it, and whatever they say in this state can be understood quite simply by the fact they know they deserve more than what they are getting but at the same time they are probably quite painfully aware of having avoided every opportunity in fear of being seen self-conceited or ambitious in social circles where ambition is equivalent of “being too good for your own family”.

At the end of the day, what you make of yourself is up to you. Many of you know this first hand, or at least have heard people say it a lot. The circumstances in which you were born do not necessarily predict the outcome of your life. The harshest of circumstances can create the most powerful propeller to success – when you have nothing to lose and nobody standing in your way trying to warn you from “setting yourself up for failure”, you’ve got nowhere to go but up. Protective parents and a caring home, on the other hand, can be the most dis-empowering positions to come out of, because everyone around you rallies up to keep you exactly where you are, out of love for you, no less. You can’t even be angry at your family for cutting your wings because they did that to stop you from falling off the sky. In many ways, breaking free from a loving family of non-ambitious people is like breaking free from a cult. Fear, love, the need to protect combined with lack of respect can stop the most powerful people in their tracks – but at the same time, powerful souls have made their own choices that have landed them into this very position; so again we turn the tables around and realize it is still your own doing.

In previous lifetimes, and in this one, you teach people how to treat you. If you always sacrifice yourself for others, you will be doing that until you get sick of it. (There is really no need for it, either, as if someone wants you to sacrifice your own happiness for them, are they really the kind of a person you’d want to sacrifice yourself for? Then again, if you truly love someone, isn’t their happiness the very thing you’d love to see more of? So a person who loves you wants to see you happy, isn’t that right? If they do not want you to be happy, or that they need you to sacrifice your happiness for them “because they love you”, you can be rest assured they haven’t got a clue what love is. So why live a life thinking self-sacrificial is the way to go, because the people who truly value and love you want nothing more than for you to be happy, because that will make them happy, isn’t that true?) So, when we only focus on our own morality, our own end of the equation, powerful souls often wind up giving more than they receive. Is that the fault of the people who relied on them to be there, ready to be their sacrificial lamb, because they thought you did that out of love rather than a sense of responsibility? If they knew why you did that, would they still want you to do it, and if they do… Again, do they deserve having it? That is how deserving people wind  up having nothing. Their mode of thinking comes from a privileged background, they feel rich and powerful even when they have not a cent to their name, and the people around them treat them the same way out of habit. It is up to them to break that habit, and it can be hard to do. (Speaking from experience.)

The most amazing thing to learn is to allow one’s own true feelings and instincts come through at all times. This is what I want to teach you all, in time. It takes time to trust one’s own feelings and the “emotional output” of the incredible computing power that you have stored above your shoulders; information goes in and emotional report comes out, and you need to learn that this emotional report is almost always correct. Almost.

Almost… but even when it isn’t, it’s better expressed than not, so that others have the opportunity to defend themselves, especially as the biggest disturbance in the output data is… True Love. 🙁

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