Having children is a personal choice

In the modern-day, having children is very much a personal choice. It is no longer a burden that you cannot avoid unless you live in an area, that imposes limitations to birth control or abortions. (Funny detail tho, morning-after pills are sometimes banned in areas where birth control is readily available. You can still overdose on birth control pills. Exact instructions are inside the package, at least in areas where morning-after pills are legal, but to give you an idea, taking two pills the morning after, and then 2 more 12 hours work in some pills. You don’t even need to take the whole package, right?) The point is, that you can choose to have children or not, almost anywhere in the world. The options on how to choose this are many.

That said, to me, a worryingly few people actually consider the option of not having children. People live in a drone-mode and choose what others are choosing. That is not your only option! You CAN choose not to have kids, and perhaps give your friends the strength to do the same, rather than be pressured into a choice you may not want. But don’t get me wrong, this decision should be independent, just saying that if you are pressurable to having kids, then being pressured to not have kids is much better for that person than being pressured into having kids – lot of responsibility there that shouldn’t really fall in the hands of adults who are incapable of thinking for themselves.

You can’t return them, is the thing

What many people say to give a reason for having children is this: “I might regret it later.” You realize that you may regret having had kids, too, and that is WAY WORSE than regretting NOT having children! You can’t return humans if you wind up not liking being a parent. What people also conveniently forget, is that children are not something you just have, they will make you into a parent. They’ll grow up, and they might not be ANYTHING what you wished they were. They also grow up very fast… And you’ll have A TEENAGER.

Whatever comes, you’ll remain a parent or a dead beat parent. The parent who ran off on their kids… A parent that has their kids in foster care. A parent that adopted their children out, at the very best. But you’ll never unparent yourself. Having children is not an automatic ticket to respect, nor should it be.

Child’s best interest

I know COUNTLESS people who have put more thought into not having children than actually having them. I do believe that far less people would have children if the thought of not having them would actually occur to them. There’s a lot of considerations to do, and the biggest on is the best of the child. Are you what is best for an unborn child? Is the intended co-parent someone who you will remain with for the rest of your life, and if you see your marriage breaking, how do you think she or he will react to having been dumped? Do you trust them to act in the best interest of the child, or cause drama and disruption in their lives and in yours?

How is your health? The reason I ask… I’ve seen a would-be mother consider everything from HER OWN perspective when attempting to get pregnant. The fact she would have more than likely given the child a ton of inherited conditions was high. I asked her if she had considered this, and she flippantly answered she’d cross that bridge when she comes to it. THIS WAS THE FUCKING BRIDGE, and she was dancing over it, considering baby clothes’ color more than if she’s going to live to see the child’s 10th birthday, and how that would affect the child emotionally.

Many women especially consider children THEIR RIGHT rather than A RESPONSIBILITY they’re facing. GROW UP before you have children. At least give them that much.

And yes. There’s a certain pleasure being the child of a completely stupid and selfish parent; I know this from experience… They just make the most mundane things in your life a challenge, and there’s a certain… pleasure in being the child who gets to punish the parent for all of their mistakes once grown up, but… Still. Maybe giving it another thought would be wise.

No one size fits all and polygamy

Consider this FOR YOURSELF, and for YOUR CHILD. There’s nothing that fits everybody. Some people are natural parents who simply ace their job, but they are… truly a rarity. I know a few. They’re not UNHEARD of, and most people are quite good enough parents even if they made mistakes. Still, having children with blindfolds on is absolutely irresponsible, and a sign that you are afraid of doing it… For a reason, probably.

Another thing is that I have found that monogamy isn’t the right setup for a lot of people to become parents. It simply fights their natural instinct. Polygamy, in one of its forms, maybe a more authentic way to have a family to some people. For me, for instance, it feels natural to put the child in the arms of one my (still imaginary) husbands, rather than mind the baby’s everyday needs myself. However, that, in this modern time, is still basically regarded as child endangerment, which is not the right setting to have a family. I personally don’t want to make my children into the people who have to defend their parent’s lifestyle choices growing up and being grown-up… Even though I know they possibly could.

Attitudes need to change in many ways until all people are able to create a family that suits their own needs and thus, the child’s needs. A tired, stressed-out parent is not good for the child, and I do believe children are more naturally raised by several adults rather than just a busy two.

I do say this tho. If you’re a gay couple and your child turns out to be heterosexual… Especially if that child is a female; how do you feel? Heterosexuals are pretty much done dealing with the opposite problem, but I think gay parents may still have some work to do.

Also… When a child has two mommies or two daddies, the point in their lives when they start suffering for this is when outsiders point out to them that their family is “weird”. Stop telling kids their home is weird. It isn’t if you’re born in it. Provide a way for children to reach out to other adults, don’t worry them over nothing if there’s nothing to be worried about.

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