Most women, so many, in fact, that many people believe all women to be, are bisexual. Many, too, are lesbians who are not even aware of the fact yet, because we don’t truly know or talk about heterosexuality in women. It is so little discussed; it seems like a non-existent reminiscent of the past that no modern person believes to be real, but thinks of it as a social construct and fear of accepting oneself for who we truly are.

Heterosexual women have always faced prosecution, the same as everybody else. Women who loved men so naturally that men were falling at their feet for the simple love they received were considered witches; women who didn’t abide by the rule of one sexually frustrated husband each but slept with whomever they pleased were considered whores and sluts – and that is true to this day, particularly the latter. Maybe they don’t get the same amount of hate, but the words are still thrown around. Too heterosexual women have been burned as witches, locked in mental asylums and convents, and punished in every way possible by both men and other women. It has never been accepted by the society – not even today.

Still, we continue to love men only.

Why would lesbian women think they’re straight?

It is incredible how easily someone might not notice something so profound about themselves as being gay. The reason is that when you’ve lived your entire life as a straight woman, you may not ‘hate’ sex, but you might not enjoy it much, either. You’d take it as a type of medical examination – you just kind of turn yourself off for the time. You don’t think there’s anything odd about it – women are not as sexual as men, you’ve been told a thousand times, and they don’t need it the same way as men do, right? You’d just think you’re not very sexual or that you don’t really need sex.

Maybe you haven’t met a woman who would show you sexual attention, which is very possible even if you are attractive, and thus, the thought has never occurred to you. You just don’t think about sex very much, so you haven’t noticed women might be your thing. At any rate, the idea of what a heterosexual woman is like is very much based on the typology of a bisexual woman in a closet.

Heterosexual women don’t fit in, either.

A few possibly new terms:
Polyandry – a committed relationship between one woman and several men. Polyandrous – a person with a natural leaning toward polyandry. – Straight woman with (sometimes straight, but mainly) bisexual men.
Polygyny – a committed relationship between one man and several women. Polygynous – a person with a natural leaning toward polygyny. – Straight man with (sometimes straight, but mainly) bisexual) women.
Polygynandry – a committed relationship between several men and several women. Polygynandrous – a person with a natural leaning toward polygynandry (sometimes straight but mainly) bisexual men and women together.

You’d think that heterosexual women feel like they fit into society very easily, given its construct. The reality is that although they find the thought of marrying a man exciting and romantic and want it without the support of their friends and family (unlike bisexual/lesbian women), that is where the easy things end.

Particularly polyandrous heterosexual women – which I again believe to be the majority of straight women as I don’t believe true monogamists exist in large numbers at all – would find it difficult to limit themselves to one man only. They may love many men in their lifetime, and the way they settle for one is a bit of a mind trick on its own. Everything starts making sense to them if they allow themselves the thought of polyandry – and that happens mostly by realizing that polyandrous men love the thought much more than they’d ever mention in a monogamous society. Polyandrous men think a woman would feel like a whore if he’d suggest treatment like that, and therefore, if he’s in love with her – he never brings it up.

Straight women don’t really get excited about spending time with other women.

Bisexual and lesbian women seem to be genuinely excited about other women. They seem excited to have a female friend, for example, like it was a compliment another woman finds them worth hanging out with. Straight women don’t feel this way. To them, female-to-female relationships are a little bit of filler content – like ad breaks during a movie – they may like some but still wait for the movie to get back on. They might also treat female-to-female relationships as simple collaboration, not something that makes their heart excited.

To straight women, hanging out with other women is easy because they don’t truly fear rejection from women – except maybe women who would have access to the same men they want, and likely only as a juvenile, when they may still be looking for emotional support in other girls before figuring out how young men think and what they want. Straight women’s friends, too, must be straight for them to get excited about spending time with them because they will understand friendship the same way: I help you get a guy. (In crude terms. Straight girls run on this “romantic pervert” -line because they are both romantically and sexually interested in men, but sometimes thaw their romantic interests as a favor to the men – they UNDERSTAND why men wouldn’t want to spend time with women, as they, themselves don’t.)

Heterosexual women don’t feel as eager to spend time with other women because they are genuinely interested in men. While women are nice, you have to admit people you are sexually interested in are far more intriguing to you than people you don’t find sexually interesting. Something like “girls’ night out” to straight women feels like enthusing about going out fasting<fn>”What? Girls’ night out? No men? Why don’t we ramp up the excitement and not eat or drink, either!” (To a group of straight women, “girls’ night out” would mean a night of cheating on their men, but straight girls don’t like cheating because they love their guys. So whichever way you turn the phrase “girls’ night out,” straight girls don’t really like the idea. They go out with their girlfriends to hook up with guys anyway; the definition of “girls’ night out” is, thus, not needed. Maybe it might mean “no brothers or fathers around to judge us,” or “mom and aunts can stay home as the young women go out to hit on men.”) </fn>.  It seems nonsensical to be excited about the concept. Sure they do it if their friends are going out, but they are never quite sure why women would feel EXCITED about excluding men for the night.

Straight girls are a bit man-obsessed. Like honestly.

According to Wikipedia, “the Bechdel test is a measure of the representation of women in film (and, by extension, in fiction in general). The test asks whether a film features at least two women talking to each other about something other than a man.” When I read that, I think I laughed out loud. What on Earth do they expect us to be talking about when women talk? Gardening?! Raising children? Philosophy? Come on! Sure, the topics may slip away from the main subject – MEN – at times, but who would want to put that crap in a movie?! You’d bore the audience to tears in a second!

Straight girls love talking about men. It’s quite honestly 80, 90 percent of the topics covered. Sometimes, we veer off to work and school, the frustrations with another bitch of a woman or, to be fair, some guys who we don’t like, but once the mundane is handled, it’s back to men – especially if we’re single. When we are coupled, the need to talk to other women diminishes a lot. We’ve got the guy, right? The happier we are with the guy, the less we like to share our intimate details in the relationship with another woman. We might coyly mention that “he’s amazing” or “I can’t believe how lucky I am,” but we don’t really talk about the details of our relationship with another woman – unlike bisexual women do.

Bisexual women (and men) have a natural need to tie other (sexy) women (and men) into their romantic and sexual relationships, and frankly, polyandrous men hate this, while they UNDERSTAND IT, given that they do the same among men about their girl (unless they’ve taught themselves not to do it out of respect for their wife). Polyandrous men are the exact equivalent of polygynous women, and ironically, they both hate everything the other group does naturally, but men are more understanding of it.

Just to point out: Bisexual women also like talking about men, but they also talk about other women a lot more eagerly than straight women do. Straight women don’t gossip about other women; they SERIOUSLY don’t care what they’re doing. (I’m running that through in my head trying to think of one conversation about another woman’s romantic or sex life – par from “so and so is getting married” with my girlfriends… And I cannot recall one. But I can recall tons and tons and tons of descriptions of somewhat meaningless encounters with that hot guy; you know, “I went to Cafe So-And-So today, and he was there. He greeted me but he was acting all weird. What does this mean?!” These are not teenage conversations, either, by the way, albeit single.)

Bisexual women and most men think everybody is sexually interested in women.

It feels natural to most people that everybody is sexually interested in women. For a heterosexual woman, this is simply not true. Therefore other people tend to think that heterosexual woman is sexually oppressed or suppressing their lesbian tendencies, but this is simply not true. I believe there is a straight partner to even the gayest of people, even though that would be one in a million individuals. Still, I also believe there is the odd occasional truly heterosexual person out there – and I say it because I am one. No matter how much I have tried to tickle my lesbian nerve, I just don’t… fancy women. I understand it in theory like I know why women go for women, but I’m just BORED at the thought. To bisexual and lesbian women, other women feel excited, no matter how into women they’ve been. I’ve never been with a woman, and the thought bores me at best and irks me at worst.

It may be difficult for a bisexual, especially to understand why a person’s SEX, more than their gender identity, is important to a heterosexual person. For instance, I could see myself in a relationship with a cross-dressing man; I can imagine myself treating him as a platonic girlfriend when he’s wearing women’s clothes and a boyfriend/husband when he’s dressed as a man. I wouldn’t care, as long as he’s biologically a man and otherwise the kind of person I’d love, of course. Imagine the pleasant surprise when the clothes come off, and you find a man instead of a boring woman as expected. (Not that I’d go undressing a woman without knowing she’s a he under the layers of clothing. But still, the visual is exciting, like, say, one would be locked in a harem, and a man dressed as a woman shows up and disrobing; OH THANK GOD! In that situation, a polygynous woman in love with the Sultan would kill him.)

Heterosexuality in women isn’t about “limiting oneself to men only” or a result of sexual oppression or sexual shame.

It is often suggested between the lines that straight women are sexually oppressed or limited, but that is an ignorant statement or assumption. It is just as cruel to expect straight people to have sex with the same gender as it is and has been to force gay people into straight marriages and sex.

Although I have always identified as a heterosexual, it became as a revelation to me why I am different from most women still in the lesbian/bisexual closet. I kind of came out as a heterosexual in some sense after realizing how COMMON it is to be bisexual compared to being a heterosexual. In my heart of hearts as a young woman, I always thought being bisexual/gay is somewhat of a fringe phenomenon; I knew it happened but assumed it’s mostly women who can’t get themselves a boyfriend, such ugly ducklings that no man would want them, you know? When I realized it is not only common but even the norm, I started feeling inclined to declare my heterosexuality as a gender identity to notify people who haven’t even thought about whether they’re bi or gay or straight but simply accepted the norm as a given.

There are still a lot of gay and bisexual women in the closet without them even having truly thought about it; therefore, I have come out as a CIS-gendered heterosexual polyandrous female, and I assume a lot of people will follow suit after giving it a thought. I AM that, not only by a societal accident but because it happens to be what I am.

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