Hope, hopefullness, and the embarrassment of hoping for something that won’t come true

You know how stupid you feel when you catch yourself hoping for something more than what you are used to, don’t you? I used to be a master of this way of thinking. “Don’t worry about that, it won’t happen to you anyway so just never mind it. Just learn to live with what you have now because it will never change, be thankful for what you’ve got!” I found it very easy to do, too, I was never complaining, even when I saw my friends get ahead and saw my ex-boyfriends turn, if not millionaires then very close to it in my books, just shortly after we stopped dating (this actually happened to me more than once) and I was OK with that. “It’s OK, not my life, it’s theirs.” At the same time, I was ambitious, but simply not very active in seeking for what I wanted. I passed on opportunities after opportunities simply thinking how embarrassed I would feel if what I hoped for wouldn’t happen. It was safer to just give up and not give it too much of a thought.

My life got a significant turn towards the positive when I lost my patience. I needed to find an answer and make something happen for myself. I started looking for what I wanted instead of hoping that fate would successfully pair me up with the source of my happiness.

The only thing I needed to do to begin manifestation of what I wanted was to identify it, not what I thought I wanted or what anyone wants; money, a house, yada yada, those things were on the list, yes, but what got me moving again was tho things; I wanted to find passionate love again, and I wanted to understand everything. Now the second one I had no issues accepting as it was just a crazy wish, but the first one… who would love me like that anyway? And I know what some of you might be thinking; what does she have to be insecure about? To answer that, I felt like a child. The love I wanted doesn’t come in children’s sizes, but the thought was there, sent. I could have it all as soon as I would grow up… And, at the time, I was 35 or so.

You don’t need to confess to anyone what it is that you truly want. Certainly if you feel funny talking about it with a particular person, don’t mention it to them. Everyone has their own stupid idea about what you should do about your wish (give up, you were not made for great things, just settle for something normal!) Talk about it to someone who you truly trust, or don’t talk about it at all, but do a lot of thinking. When you watch movies, pay attention to stuff that moves you. Why does it move you? What about it is that thing that you would want to experience for yourself? If the wonder of it diminishes because you are asking for it, it’s probably not a high enough wish, like a lot of people love the idea of a physical disability or a serious illness because they are both a challenge, but if they knew they brought it on themselves, they would not feel so great about them at all. (You don’t ALWAYS bring on your own illnesses, but you do need to be submissive to them in order for them to strike, you need to feel like you can’t help it that they come sometimes, or you need to have angered someone real bad. Yes. We do curse each other without thinking. Ever wondered that you wished something bad to happen to someone and it happened? Yeah. Your fault, but the other half is that the person you wished it to, probably thought the bigger punishment for you would be to watch it really happen, but I’m getting off topic.)

What you are manifesting in your life is always the most exciting thing you can think about or dare to think about unless you’ve made enemies or your loved ones really just want to see you safely tucked away in a cotton wool room, the effects are pretty much the same, mortal enemies or loving parents, hard to tell the difference sometimes. Due to the danger of having someone deliberately stop you from reaching your goals out of fear for you or out of envy, I do recommend keeping your cards real close to your chest if you want an easy route to your dream – I learned that the hard way; I am currently getting it from both ends, but it has it’s perks: I get closer and closer to understanding everything as this goes forward.

Whatever the dangers, it is important to be hopeful. It is important to be HONEST about what you wish for, because for as long as you lie to yourself about what it is that you truly want, nobody is going to come to your aid. You will be battling against everything that can be put in your way because the people who TRULY love you for who you are (and this may or may not be your parents) will never lift a finger to give you something you don’t really want. They want to give you what you really, truly want, and their manifestation power will be added to that of yours only after you truly, certainly, fully, and honestly know what it is that you want for yourself and others. It is important to know not to ask for stuff you feel like you SHOULD want, like a better job, more money, or I don’t know… A spouse, if those things are not what you want, but you’d rather have an easier job, smaller house, and a simple life instead. You better know, too, that people who’d really love a simpler life for themselves but feel pressured to climb the corporate ladder, if you want to achieve something huge, they will try to fight you every step of the way because they don’t understand why anyone would want a competitive job because that’s the last thing they’d want. That why it is important to seek contact with those who think like you, although that might not be easy.

If you feel a lot of resistance in your way to what you want, slowing down will speed things up a lot. Never work a moment when you feel you have to force it, that is when you are doing something that is scaring the living crap out of your simple-life loved ones. The good news is, that you are probably SPEEDING towards your goal at those moments, and they are there slamming on the breaks, so make a note of what you cannot get done, because that is probably a good plan of action, just that you have to get your blocks out of the way, first. (Keep a journal for the moments when you feel super excited about something and you feel like THIS IS CERTAINLY IT, but by the morning, all of your enthusiasm has ran down the drain; that is when you know the plan is great, but your spirit friends are absolutely shitting themselves in fear of how you might change and how money is going to ruin everything or whatever it is that you’re planning… So they’re sending this completely mind-numbing energy that is near impossible to fight against like you were cemented in place. That’s their idea of a safety belt and it sucks. Think positive; this will allow you time to develop your idea, just don’t give up on it. Once it is so good that no safety belts will hold you back, you know you’ll shoot to the stars like an arrow, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it; their safety measures will turn into a catapult. In practicality? You started out with a good idea. After 5 years of being held back, you’ve got a freaking brilliant idea, and once you’ve got it developed to perfection, you will find a way to launch it like a rocket. Don’t like the idea of 5 years in development? Slow down, then. You have no time to waste hurrying up making mistakes.)

What are you afraid being hopeful about? Having friends who actually love you for who you are? Being truly loved by someone you find superbly sexy? Finding something exciting at a bookstore for the exact amount of money that you had in your pocket? Never having to get up before noon again because your work doesn’t require it?

Think about it.

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