How and why you got friend zoned… Again.

Some men believe they are cursed into staying in the Friend Zone with women forever. There are some clear reasons why women predictably friend zone the same men.

Some men and women are only friends to each other, don’t forget that. They are friends simply because they are friends. They are not friends because they’re in a relationship with someone else or for some other reason; they’re friends because they view each other as friends. When there’s a new relationship, it’s always a question of whether this is a FRIENDSHIP, or whether this is SEXUAL/ROMANTIC, whether either one of you is single or not.

A woman cannot automatically assume that all men want to sleep with her and then be done with her. Women cannot simply classify all men as “horny bulls, who are ready to jump her bones as soon as she says the word.” That would be treating men presumably. Therefore, she will always try to determine whether your interest in her is romantic, sexual, or only a friendship. Men tend to assume all women know any man is sexually interested in her if he spends any time with her at all – but women know this not to be automatically true.

If you’re not responding to flirtation, a good woman won’t force the matter.

You hold half a vote on whether or not your relationship with a woman will turn romantic and sexual or whether you are just friends. If you keep treating a woman in a non-sexual context, she will put you into the category of “friends only” and keep seeking a sexual relationship elsewhere.

If she flirts, talks about sex, drops hints of sexual nature, and you keep dodging them or ignoring them, and never taking the conversation to that side, never engage in sexual banter or flirt, never make a move, she will assume you only want friendship. Most women are more than happy to have male friends, too, so your offer of being just friends will be more than likely to be accepted.

She brings up other men.

Typically, women would avoid the topic of other men with men who they hope are romantically interested in them. Sexual and, particularly, romantic interest is usually presumed monogamous; therefore, most of the time, women avoid talking about other men to men they hope to take to the romantic or sexual side of things. Even if other men were in the picture, in the beginning, she would be trying to decide which one of these men in the picture is the “main target.” She wouldn’t goat her primary crush by mentioning other men. (There is an exception where a polyandrous woman has learned to do this as a strategy.)

Greenlight: She talks about HER PROBLEMS with other men.

If a woman starts talking about her relationship problems with other men, pay attention. It’s more than likely A COME ON.

It’s either to pay you a compliment in the form of telling you how you’re different from other men, thus BETTER. Most people don’t want to point out that the person they’re talking to is INFERIOR to their peers; therefore, it is meant as a compliment if they point out A DIFFERENCE.

She may also be stating that she is involved with other men. Therefore, now would be your chance of establishing your romantic/sexual interest in me if you have some. It may also be a sign that “if you continue a friendship with me, the ship is sailing, the train is leaving the station, and you will thus remain on the Friend Zone if you’re comfortable with me talking about other men or dating other men.”

This is the last chance to establish your interest: “Don’t talk to me about other men. I want you to myself.” Or “Are you trying to make me jealous? ;)” You may also wait a moment and start flirting – which is essentially joking about future sex together, FYI.

Red light: She talks about HER BOYFRIEND or crushes in a positive light.

When she speaks of other men in a positive light, she’s telling you she’s spoken for, and you should probably look for other prospects. If she tells you what kind of men she likes, and the difference to you is glaringly obvious, that’s a warning; don’t make me say it out loud; you’re not my type.

the Survivalist* do this hoping you’d change for her, and depending on how you feel about her; you might want to try. But if she’s a Idealists*, she doesn’t want you to change; she wants you to move on. Changing for a Idealists* woman doesn’t usually bring about good results. Usually, especially if the ideal male is very different from who you are and requires you to put on a fake personality – a Idealists* woman does not want you to do this and doesn’t expect it; she expects you to move on.

“Showing respect” is not the same as “forcing her to be presumptuous.”

While women feel “respect” means that you will never take the discussion topics sexual even when she starts it, a NORMAL woman who can have a normal, healthy sexual relationship will NEED YOU to at least ANSWER to her flirt. (Stay away from women who start flirtatious but act offended when you respond. That’s a #meToo-trap waiting.)

It’s also foolish to think that a woman who is very openly sexual would feel “respected” when you don’t make a move on her. The logic here is that only women who are not sexually open-minded feel respected with the permission of not being or getting in the sexual area of life. A sexual woman doesn’t feel “respected” when treated as a non-sexual being. If anything, she feels a massive part of her is being ignored, and she will look for men who appreciate her sexuality if you don’t. (And she respects your right to remain non-sexual, she won’t thank you for ignoring (disrespecting) her sexual prowess.)

TRUST ME; a sexual woman will feel like she will got to waste if a man doesn’t want her sexually. Just the same as a man would think if a woman would keep ignoring his advances and wishes for sexual relations and then she’d call it “respect,” you’d feel weird, too. (And yes, we do that, too. If a man makes a point about “being a Christian” or “not being a very sexually driven man,” we go, “OK, I’ll respect that and keep my hands off you.” A sexual woman would feel just as responsible for YOUR right to remain “pure” as a man would think about a woman. She knows some men are more than happy being sexual with her. She doesn’t NEED that from you; if you make it clear that’s not what you want, she’s not insulted by it.)

“Being different to other men.” Point 2.

The only women who feel excited about a man who refuses or delays sex are either narcissistic or not sexually interested in men in the first place. Lesbians and bisexuals who are heavily leaning toward lesbianism who still wish for a heterosexual relationship with a man with a low sex drive.¹ They are RELIEVED to find a man who wouldn’t want to keep the relationship sexual. Women who are rejection junkies cannot stand the rejection, and they need constant validation of their sexual attractiveness from men who pretend not to be interested in them. They are not very good relationship candidates.

You cannot lure a usually thinking heterosexual woman with a healthy relationship to sexuality and herself into a romantic/sexual relationship by rejecting her. She will respect your approach and allow you to keep being non-sexual with her, as that is your right as a human being. You don’t OWE her your cock or your heart. Only a woman who feels your cock must salute her, and your heart MUST go nuts over her will react to your rejection of her. (The only possible exception is a True Emotion Mirror who has found certainty of your love and desire for her elsewhere, and that’s a long story and one heck of straw to grasp.)

You must make a move.

A woman interested in you will try to use some excuse to appear sexy in your eyes. She may be going out but drop by your house “oops, how did this happen?” or she’ll ask you to go out with her to get an excuse to dress up, or she’ll flirt with you. Still, SHE WON’T JUMP YOUR BONES unless she’s the kind of a girl who doesn’t CARE whether a man wants her or not if she likes you – and assumes any man is for the female taking… A woman who is not genuinely worth dating, mind you. Because if she doesn’t want a confirmation about your opinion about her as a potential girlfriend, she will not be interested in ANYTHING ELSE you might feel, either. She’ll assume for you and think you’re some stereotypical crude model of a person, not a thinking, feeling human being.

You must make a move – that doesn’t mean jumping HER bones or anything, but you have to try the waters somehow. You must flirt, stand a little too close, drop hints. SOMETHING. If you never break the mold of “just friends,” you’ve friend-zoned yourself. You may get rejected – she still holds half a vote on the nature of your relationship, but you have to try if friendship isn’t what you primarily want out of her.

1. Also search for posts discussing “polygyny“. 

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