How do you get people to tell you the truth?

Obviously, this is not intended as an instruction to manipulate, but then again, your will to manipulate might end if you tried this on someone you honestly care about.

When people talk to you, believe what they say by default, but don’t react to it too strongly. As in: “I’m an airline pilot.” “Oh that’s interesting. Must be nice..?” rather than: “OMG I’ve always loved airline pilots, they’re so sexy. I’d very much like to make love to you now!” Do not give a reason for a person to keep lying to you by over-reaction to what they just told you.

Take people’s word, and treat them as if that’s what or who they are. Lies tend to get uncomfortable, so if you believe them without being overly impressed, they will start veering toward the truth on their own: “Oh you know, I quit my job at the airline…” They may not tell you they lied, per se, but they may try and return toward the actual truth. Depending.

Most people don’t lie to begin with. Most people simply don’t tell you everything at once. They test the waters a bit. Then, there are people who tell you the flat out the truth from get-go, and it can, to some people, sound like an over-share. Some people don’t mind the slightest, but actually appreciate a full disclosure from day one.

When you allow people speak freely, they have no reason to keep things from you. If you don’t judge them, but allow them to tell you what’s on their mind, they’ll tell you more – there’s a point to it.

How to make people clam up or lie?

A sure-fire way to make people NOT want to talk to you is to try and pick a lie or a secret based on what they already told you: “I have a 3-year-old child.” “Oh so you got a girl pregnant and left her, is that right?” Or: “Oh, so you’re cheating on your wife, then?” “Actually, I’m a widower, but fuck you. I’m out.”

When you INSTANTLY take a person for a liar, cheater, a bullshit artist of some description, you are absolutely shit to talk to. Why would anyone WANT TO talk to you after figuring out all you’re doing is trying to discover some dirty secret or a lie that they simply don’t have or were planning to tell you.

Pathologizing what people are saying is another form of certainly making them shut up. “I had a fight with my mom today.” “You know it’s a sign of an undeveloped personality if you have issues with your mom in adulthood?” (Or whatever.)

So, you might not make people lie to you, but trying to always dig for a deeper truth (with the help of nothing but your own imagination) you’ll certainly be kept from the deeper truth from then on.

People who have no secrets have nothing to hide

There are people who have no secrets to tell you. That doesn’t mean they’re boring, it’s just that they don’t think hiding stuff is needed, as they know how relaxed relaxed people are. I, for instance, have 0 intentions of keeping my own sexual attitudes a secret, as they do function as a type of test: “Can you handle this information? Do you have an issue with the way I carry myself? You do? OK. See ya.” I don’t want to surround myself with people who have the need to control other people’s sexual behavior. Therefore, I judge them by their judgment. It is, more or less my only test that I have for people: Can you handle the full me? Do you think I’m lying because I’m like this? If you think I’m lying, it means you’re too boring for me, as if you can’t believe what I say is true, it must mean you have like 0 life of y your own.

Talented and skilled people tend to believe people are talented and skilled

Untalented people have trouble believing that interesting, talented, smart people exist, but are always lying about who they are. The more capacity a person has, the more readily they believe another person is someone of talent. They also don’t feel the need to test them or to question them, because the lack of talent always comes out sooner or later – usually pretty soon.

Like this once… I was talking to someone who claimed to be a professional videographer… If I remember the term he used correctly. Now, I am NOT a professional video-anything, but I dabble. I said something about a green screen I’ve got, and he asked me to explain what a green screen is. So I ask what his first language is. He says “English”, so I know he’s full of it. It is IMPOSSIBLE to fake realistic self-image, talent, intelligence, knowledge, or professionalism for long. Even if people played along, they know.

There is a possibility someone tells a big fat lie in order be amusing. They expect people to call them out on it. “Oh you’re no professional, that’s ridiculous! HAHA” but that only works on people who don’t EXPECT YOU TO BE a professional. If the person you’re talking to assumes you should know what a green screen is, how to use video lights well, how to edit those videos in Adobe Premiere without hassle, even if you weren’t a professional, who expect you to be everything you claim to be, and believe you when you say that (initially) and then they find out you’re nothing but wasting their time, they’re not going to be pleased or amused. It’s not going to be “haha very funny, I know nothing, either” but “Oh wow. Someone’s idea of self is a tad bit warped! *Block*”

Another reason why someone might lie to you about being X, is that someone who actually knows what they’re doing will go: “Really you have no idea what you’re doing, do you? Come on, I’ll show you.” (You’ve seen it in the movies.)

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