How do you give up on love that you have potentially wasted years trying to resuscitate?

So you love that person, still. Desperately, but they seem not to respond to you the way you want them to. No matter how much you beg, plead, or cry, they are just not responding to your feelings. How do you move on? I know your real question is how do you force them to feel what you want them to feel, but I’m telling you, there are not many dumber things to do in this world than try and force someone into loving you.

You’re not in danger of breaking your heart. Your ego is taking a hit. You are faced with the realization that you are not as valuable to someone as you thought you should be. It’s not an easy thing to handle. And the chances are that the person you’re trying to get to heal your fractured ego knows damned well that this has nothing to do with you loving them but that they simply hurt your pride. Your idea of self is under threat, not your heart or love.

You want to believe that your love means something… Everything. That you matter. That you’re important. And I want you to know that even though this person doesn’t love you back, it doesn’t make you worthless or unimportant; it’s just that THEY KNOW you don’t love them the way THEY deserve to be loved and that YOU are disrespecting them in some way. So it’s their authentic happiness versus your ego, and frankly, it’s not THEIR problem if you have an inflated ego.

Why I call your ego inflated is this: NOBODY in this world is loved by everybody they have ever loved. If there is such a person, they are one hell of an individual. Maybe the best person ever existed. Are you that person? If you agree you are not the most amazing person in this world, then you also have to face the fact there is a good possibility that not everybody you might fall in love with will love you back.

You may also discover that even if someone loved you back, it may still mean there are other people or things that they love more than they love you. They may have priorities that are more important than you – commitments they’ve made before you, maybe. And commitments wouldn’t be commitments if you just threw them out the window at the first inconvenience.

Nothing hurts quite as much as realizing that you are not the most important thing in the world to someone who means the world to you. Then again, you might consider THEIR perspective as important to you as you seem to think they should consider yours to be. Pot calling the kettle black and all that? Did you consider them and their feelings and ego when they begged something from you? I’m not sure that applies, but so often when I find people in this situation, they tend to be very keenly focused on their own feelings and basically brush the even remote concept of possibly having done something to hurt that person themselves to the side as if it was a given their feelings shouldn’t matter in this equation, or that they even HAVE feelings that are in any way valid or meaningful.

You may matter to them more than you now think. Maybe your words mattered to them before, but they stopped begging for you to pay attention to them or their feelings, and now your narcissistic ego wakes up when they no longer care. It is usually rather futile to even try and point out to someone in this mindset to look in the mirror, I’ve tried to say that face-to-face to so many people in my lifetime and I don’t think they EVER get it. This is a random post to a random individual, the opportunities you have to ignore this are endless. You can so easily explain it as a conincidence: “This doesn’t mean me.”

Maybe it does, tho.

So you’re embarrassed that this person just dumped you. Maybe you thought you were in the higher bargaining position? Maybe you thought you could demand anything from this person and they’d have to agree to it or not have your co-operation. You thought you meant everything to them, and now, they escaped your grasp and seem not to even care. Maybe you’re fuming anger, insisting THEY have a problem, THEY have an ego, and THEY still owe you something because your ego insists you’re the more important person in this relationship.

Here’s a newsflash: In each person’s life there’s one person who stands far above everyone else in importance: Themselves. If you cannot treat their self with a level of respect, they are not going to waste their energy to treat your self with all the care and love in the world as you’d have them treat it with. YOU WILL NEVER BE MORE IMPORTANT TO ANOTHER PERSON THAN WHAT THEY ARE TO THEMSELVES. I don’t care who you are, how important you think you are, whether you’re related to them or not, every person will ALWAYS (and should always) look out for their own self first. No matter who you’re dealing with, you come second in their lives compared to themselves.

If you fail to treat them with enough love, respect and care for them to feel their true self is safe with you, you will lose them sooner or later, and now, you’re crying over spilled milk, my dear. Too late to drink from that glass.

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