How do you know when someone actually doesn’t care?
In my blog, I often discuss how you can tell someone cares about you even though they seem to reject you. But what about the other way around? When someone acts like they care but doesn’t, really? Not when shit gets real so to speak. I write a lot about a situation when you have no reason to believe someone loves you but you just feel like they do, but this post is about the opposite. You have every reason to believe they love you but you feel like they don’t. Are you crazy?
Often, I happen to be the one who does not care.
I have been the one who doesn’t care a lot. I have plenty of experience in this field, I regret to say. There was a time when I beat myself up about it, too, I tried to awaken love where I felt none, tried to love but couldn’t, not the people that were there. I could and can fall in love with a practical stranger and a certain type of a man at the drop of a hat, but I can dump a friend with the same drop and feel very indifferent toward people who I should love.
Up until I was 21 and met my True Emotion Mirror, I suspected I might be a little bit of a psycopath. I had crushes and even loved some guys, but not quite the way that I’d feel safe to say I was capable of real emotion. Then, he turned up, and I found myself crying about him not loving me back for about two seconds; then, I was startled at the thought: “Oh my God, I can feel this way! I’m not a psycho!” Ironically I stopped crying immediately with such a sense of relief I have never cried about not being loved back since.
In a further irony, I consider myself a psychic empath.
I can feel your feelings. I know who you are the moment I look at you. That, ironically, can snap a person out of love very easily. I can see your flaws, your lack, your failure to be anything special at one glance. On the opposite, I can see your beauty and amazing traits just as easily. When I see beauty, I love, when I see crap, I turn off.
It is rare for someone like me to meet people I absolutely adore. Most people are quite… Distasteful. Quite pointless and mundane. That doesn’t mean they’re unlovable, it simply means that for someone with my talent and skill level, most people fail to impress.
And I feel like people of my kind tend to often be both psychic empaths, and quite unimpressed by most people.
It feels like looking at an unconvincing transsexual.
You know how you feel when you are looking at a transsexual person, and your brain says, “he’s a she” or “She’s a he?” You try to convince your brain to turn that part off that says that a girl is a guy or that guy is a girl, and you just cannot convince yourself. It feels ridiculous. They’re sitting there, insisting that you use a certain set of pronouns that don’t fit them at all, and your brain screams “fuck you, this is not real!” That’s how I feel when I try to convince myself that I love a person, or someone tries to convince me that they should be enough for me, but my brain just laughs at me. “You don’t love that person. They’re awful.”
Sometimes I feel like that on Second Life: “You should enjoy this, it’s wonderful.” “I agree, but… I’m bored.” (I’m not bored when I build my own stuff but other people’s sims usually… They’re just superficially pretty boring displays of stuff that completely lacks soul.)
Empaths can… Empath.
What a normal person, a sympath doesn’t understand about empaths is that we don’t need to be anything like you to understand what makes you feel good about life. We don’t need to care about you in order to understand you, or to even know you better than you know yourself. It takes us no effort to know you.
A sympath needs to spend time figuring someone out, so when an empath does the same job in a time that makes a difference between an AI and a human written book, you’ll feel special, won’t you? It feels like you’ve met a soulmate, when they understand you so effortlessly, but in truth, you’ve only met an empath.
A sympath is a person who feels sympathy towards a person who is like them. Who can step into the life of someone who thinks like them, who is in the same position as them or is now in a situation they’ve been before. They can and do offer sympathy. An empath can feel empathy toward a person whose life experience is nothing like their own. A sympath struggles to understand how that’s possible.
So, an empath “cares” without caring personally. Their care is non-personal, but can be very confusing to a sympath. Empaths are not perfect, however, most of us think that the gift of empathy is universal. We also are not 100% accurate, we’re just accurate enough to have a deep impact.
“Your happiness is my happiness” is not true.
For an empath, another person’s happiness is a good thing, but it isn’t THEIR happiness. It’s their peace and calm. They should say: “I’m relieved you’re OK, now, I can move onto healing the next person.” You’re just a project on their way, and they’re not meant to stick around every person they brush against to heal them or to relieve some of their burden. They can be a little addictive to people who encounter little of it… and empaths should become more aware of it and perhaps avoid relieving burdens that were put in there for a reason. (I just learned the hard way… Again.)
For a person in love the happiness of the person they love is their happiness, too. EVEN IF they are not a part of that happiness. If you love someone truly, you can feel happy they’re happy. To an empath that isn’t your True Emotion Mirror, your happiness is a good thing, yes, but NOT their happiness, only yours.
How do you know you’re in the company of an empath (who doesn’t love you personally)?
There are some signs the person who cares for you doesn’t care about you. They’re there for you in theory, not in practise. You’ll still face your issues alone, even though they give you tools to do it if you ask.
They don’t talk about their own problems with you.
They don’t talk about their problems to you. It doesn’t feel like they lean on you or rely on you in any way. If they do, it feels forced. It’ll feel weird.
They speak to you as if they were your coach. You talk to them about your relationship problems and what not at a drop of a hat, but they don’t have issues you can fix. If they talk about it, it’s as if they talk to themselves in your presence.
If they bring up their own stuff, it’s to give you an example of a solution or a way to do it, not to share their burdens with you. They’re always a little better, a little more advanced and aware than you. This may sound narcissistic to you, but they truly don’t struggle with the same stuff as others do.
They give you positive feedback like a coach.
They have a coach-like approach to you. I don’t know if you notice, but they feel like they help you to be a little better person. That doesn’t mean they love you, they’re there to improve you. Therefore, they also give you positive feedback much like a coach or a teacher, because they believe you want to be a better person and that’s why they’re there in the first place.
Interestingly enough, they don’t feel like you love them no matter how hard you try.
There is a blind spot in them, I’m pretty sure; empaths can’t feel that you love them, because they experience love differently to a sympath. What empaths should focus on is how sympaths need love in the form of physical care. They love you by hunting food for you, building a nest for you, and defending your nest. Empaths do not. Empaths care for others by helping them understand other people and yourself. However, that is a public service, their love for their True Emotion Mirrors is different.
No matter how much you’d care for them physically, meaning food, shelter, and physical comfort, they don’t connect that care with love. They connect it with essentials. Stuff they barely notice until they’ve spent years on the street hungry and cold… and even then they won’t connect it with love, just as physical comfort, plain and simple. A sympath on the street connects all that as love. Very meaningful love at that.
Your money and physical presence means very little to them even if it was a zombie apocalypse.
Negan might have kept everyone alive. Every empath hated his fucking guts, and not because he was in charge, right?
To a sympath, another person’s physical presence means a lot. To an empath, only your emotional presence means something. Your words mean more than a warm meal to them. If those words are mean and fight-picky, they mean a lot, but not in the positive sense. Every mean word you say, will turn them colder and colder toward you, and eventually, no matter how many meals you’ve cooked, how many rents you’ve paid, every mean word you’ve said weighs A LOT in their scale, while every good physical thing you did weighs NOTHING in the scale of an empath.
They may feel dependent on you, and not love you one bit more for being there. They love you for your care ONLY if you’ve done all that and been kind to them every single day of your co-existence. An empath counts EVERYTHING in emotion, not in physical care or presence. They count how you make them feel with your words and emotional presence, not by just being there or even paying for literally everything they need. To an empath, if you take care of people and be mean at them at the same time, you’re the devil himself: forcing someone into physical dependency for a chance of inflicting emotional abuse.
They ignore your gifts unless they’re very sentimental.
You can buy an empath a car, fill their closet with fancy clothes, you can stuff their wallet with money and credit cards from every financial institution known to the world, and they’ll feel nothing. What they will notice is the foil from your cigarette package folded into a flower in front of them, they’ll notice you finding The Exact Thing that cost 6 dollars that wanted but couldn’t find, but all the mink and gold in the world won’t make them feel loved.
You can write a song, and even a bad poem will make a bigger difference to them than all the money in the world. However, they may feel shocked if you suddenly do, if they’ve never even noticed you might harbor actual feelings for them! (And if it’s too late, they’ll feel angry you’d try to manipulate them like that, so careful, unless you know they love you for whatever other reason.)
A man who tries to win over an empath woman with money will find themselves not rich enough to do so, even if he was Elon Musk himself. (Musk is an empath however, so he wouldn’t try.)
Before you torch your estate as pointless, they do appreciate luxuries, but in a very different way to a sympath. It’s not meaningless, it just doesn’t link to love with them.
They don’t show you sexual attention of any kind.
Empaths are sexual. Very sexual. If they don’t show you sexual interest of any kind, they’re not even a friend to you.
Between friends, and family members, empaths will share their stories of their sexual and romantic adventures, romance meaning more than sex. If they are not really curious about your sex life even as a friend, or share theirs with you (personally – their sex blog doesn’t count-) they’re not really your friend or truly interested in you. If they groan when you bring up your sex life, they are truly not a real friend to you. An empath that finds you a real close friend will lean in and listen to your stories with glee when it comes to their very favourite topic; romance and sex.
Still, they keep that closely guarded, they may talk about it THEORETICALLY, and generally yes. What they don’t share with a non-friend or a person they don’t fully trust is the blow-by-blow descriptions of what happened and how they truly felt. With another empath, they know they can share very superficial parts and they’ll understand enough for a casual friend, but they’ll go into detail with their closest friends only. If they reject that discussion topic with you, it’s a certain sign they want you at an arm’s length.
You cannot shame or nag an empath into LOVING you, even if you can shame them into pretending to.
Now, this is a HUGE difference in the way sympaths and empaths think. An empath who cooks your meals and cleans your house can feel they’re pretending to love you, when a sympath connects the act of care as love itself. To a sympath, “pretending to love” doesn’t really make any sense at all, but to an empath, the difference between true love and pretence of love is a night and day.
An empath feels that of course, you can just decide to cook a meal, clean a house and pay for a person’s rent and whatever, but that doesn’t change the way they feel for that person AT ALL. A sympath feels that they’re CHANGING their behavior toward them, and that MUST mean there was love to motivate that change. In truth, the motivation is basically just avoid nagging, mean words, and being labelled uncaring or selfish. Very different thing.
Remember; words mean a lot to an empath.
If an empath has never TOLD YOU they love you, they don’t. They cannot USUALLY even utter the words if they don’t mean it. If they’ve had to lie about it for some reason, they sounded stiff and weird. An empath in love will volunteer words to you. They shower you with compliments and kind words. They tell you you’re amazing… Not just good here and there. “You’re great at XYZ” is not a love confession: “you’re amazing at everything you do” is.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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