How does an unrealistic self-image form? How does positive reinforcement create unrealistically positive self-images, and indirectly cause problems in those who should not doubt themselves for a moment? This somewhat controversial post will hopefully give you all a little something to think about, and the comments are closed.

I had a genuinely disturbing conversation the other day. It was between a fan girl and myself about a celebrity this grown woman was attracted to. I felt genuinely revolted on behalf of the object of her worship, and I can’t help it if I feel that way. Saying that she was not attractive is to put it kindly. He, on the other hand, is very attractive and is the object of worship of millions of women, one more beautiful than the other. He is at the top of his game, and would have offers coming out of his ears. All of this didn’t tweak this woman from believing that this guy would not hesitate to sleep with her given there was an opportunity for him to do so.

While most people blog about unrealistic self-image that makes you think of yourself as far less attractive than  what you actually are, sometimes it works the other way, too, giving a person a self-esteem that isn’t based on reality but outright delusions. As we observe that, we can also start doubting our own idea of ourselves, just in case:

The reason why I bring this up is that attractive people get approached all the time by all sorts of people, but rarely by people who they genuinely find attractive themselves. This may send them into this self-doubt, thinking that they have completely unrealistic self-image themselves in terms of attractiveness, and that may throw them into a cycle of really bad relationships as they decide to approach the next degree down from where they should be aiming, just to avoid embarrassment. As their equals feel the same way, these people rarely meet. However, I’ll explain what happens in the mind of the people who do not have the self-criticism needed to assess their own level of attractiveness.

The Unrealistic Self Image is more an inability to see why stuff like this matters

Firstly, it is not so much an inability to understand that they are not very attractive, but more the inability to understand why it would matter that they are not. As highly attractive people are often also very intelligent, the way they fall in love is very multifaceted. In order to fall in love, they often require the full package; intelligent, sexually open, beautiful people, who they value to the level that they do not even dare to assume they themselves would be enough for them. At the same time, people who are far less attractive and smart than these people do not see them in the same light but approach them regardless, giving these magic dust -covered people a warp in reality; How is it, that they, themselves believe to be very attractive, but the only people who are approaching them are beneath them in their opinion, and why is it, that they never seem to be able to really fall in love? Commitment phobia? An unrealistic self-image? Fear of intimacy, they ask themselves as they are seeking for an answer.

The real answer is this; Attractive people are being told, over and over, to lower their own bar because A LOT OF PEOPLE want to create a chance for themselves to have a relationship with these people. A lot of people wish their standards weren’t so high, so they talk them into asking for less and to settle for less. They insist the Gods of the Olympus Mountain will walk down onto the streets, and to interact with the mere mortals… But that will kill the Gods. And I bet they will not be patting me on the back for saying this, either. (A word of consolation; some of us are perverted enough to enjoy the idea of being violated by mere mortals. 😀 And there it was again; am I supposed to classify myself into the same box even though realistically I think I belong there..? Wow it sits tight!)

Counter question: if attractiveness shouldn’t matter in a sexual relationship, what are you all fussing about?

This is what I don’t understand. How is it so difficult for people to look into the mirror and turn their own accusations around. (Take the beam out of your own eye…) If you are so excited about the prospect of sleeping with someone super attractive or forming a relationship with them, WHY ON EARTH do you think they shouldn’t be attracted to similarly attractive people, and why aren’t you not attracted to people of your own status with the same level of enthusiasm as you are attracted to those way more attractive than you are… And when I say “you” I mean a generic group of people.

If sexual attractiveness is not important, then prove it to us all and keep to your own kind. I’m going to say that straight because there is nothing wrong with not being terribly attractive, but there is a lot of wrong in blaming others for something you feel, too, hypocrisy. I, for one, do not ever claim that such things as looks or intelligence do not matter in a man, or that creativity and the ability to enjoy life weren’t attractive traits, but for all of you who do not think people like this should feel they are entitled to a relationship with someone similar, why don’t you just let them (us) stick to our own shallow kind, our self-righteous, self-delusional, self-congratulating kind and you go date people who are down to earth, lovable, common people and leave us to our own problems. After all, if you think we are such horribly shallow narcissistic people, aren’t you attaching your love of us on something OTHER than our character traits? Could it be looks or perhaps, just on something called “a blob of meat  you know” if you can’t say what it is that you are so drawn to? Sorry, folks, but nobody wants to be loved for being a piece of meat that isn’t even valued for its beauty, let alone the non-physical qualities!

(But you are not all that bad… Yes, we are, some of us are simply not quite as honest as I am.)

There.

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