How do you know you’re fooling yourself that someone (special) is in love with you?

Posted on Wednesday, October 6th, 2021 at 4:20 am in Australia - Last edit on April 5, 2025 Tags: love, Narcissism

If you love that person, you will read this entire page without skipping one line. Alright? Don’t be in a hurry now, this is a tiny, small test of your love and devotion to that person. You OWE reading this page as a favor to the one you (claim to) love.

Obviously, if you’re on this page, you are suspecting that you might be fooling yourself to believe that someone special is in love with you. THAT in itself is NOT a sign that you’re fooling yourself. In fact, you being here is kind of a good sign. People who are in denial wouldn’t really seek out information like this as they wish to remain in their blind faith of being loved. That is to encourage you to go on with courage…

Then again, did it take someone a lot of effort to force your eyes onto this page…? A friend perhaps? Someone who wants you to stop wasting your time? If so, this might turn out to be a bumpy ride. You’re going to read it anyway because you owe people that much. Your friends who are pulling their hair out because of your inability to let go for one.

Why all the negativity?

There are several reasons why people doubt themselves when they believe someone loves them. One of those reasons is that healthy self-esteem is based on REALITY CHECKS when something seems too good to be true. People with a normal psyche will check these things before jumping to conclusions. Level-headed people don’t want to base their life decisions on fantasies, and thus, they seek a bit of clarity before jumping to rose-colored fantasies.

Then there are those people who believe “good self-esteem” means their ability to completely blind themselves from any negativity that they may face in their lives. They believe systematic self-delusion is a skill rather than a psychological dysfunction. They believe “negative people” are a challenge and that if they just believe fairies are real hard enough, fairies will eventually pop up and sing a pretty tune for them.

It’s also genuinely complicated sometimes to know how people feel about you

The reason why knowing how people feel for you is genuinely complicated is that people CAN hide their true feelings and where one person hides their love and admiration, another person hides their dislike, hate, disapproval, and other negative emotions. Whatever you’re hiding, you assume the other person is hiding, too, but one of you might be flaunting the positive and hiding the negative, while the other is doing the opposite.

People’s love games are also sometimes so out of sync – even between true lovers – that they just don’t know how to communicate their love in a way you’d both understand it the same way. (Perhaps not the thing to cling onto for hope here… Quite yet. 😉 Not before going through that chart, line-by-line.)

Why you must guess a bit

It is unfair to expect people will open up to you fully. It is naive and intrusive, especially if they truly don’t even like you. And yes, it is PERFECTLY possible for people to confuse hate and dislike for burning love and desire. Further, people OPENING UP may contain a lot of negative feelings, but people begging for “opening up” are HOPING for love and adoration… In vain, sometimes. When they hear hate and annoyance, people in denial will find a way to explain it as a sign of even bigger love than they were hoping for!

People are OFTEN confused about what other people think of them for a variety of reasons. Some people seem completely oblivious to their own delusions, and that scares those who are aware of that human ability to see unpleasant signs. If you cannot see any negative signs in a person you’re head over heels in love with, you might fear you’re under one of those delusions. This is why some people convince themselves that true love didn’t just hit them, while others claim it most certainly did.

Tools to help you to do your educated guesswork

I am going to give you a comparison table for feelings and signs that compare to people who are fooling themselves and how it feels when it’s real. I am a psychic empath and STILL, I am not 100% sure when someone I adore seems to love me too much, it’s just too good to be true, right? But to people who are fooling themselves, such things don’t feel too good to be true at all… Probably because it isn’t true.

NOT all of the following apply in all situations, just check which lines apply to your situation and which don’t. It includes both hidden positive and hidden negative.

	Not in love with you (at all)	Good chance they love you
Generally speaking	You don’t feel their love for you, but you feel they have a pain in their heart. (You interpret that to be hidden love.)	You FEEL their love for you even if they deny it verbally and don’t act on it.
Generally speaking	They show no effort in spending time with you.	They take every available opportunity to be near you, even just in the same room with you.
Generally speaking	(Use together with other signs) they avoid you when you’re in the same place. They only talk to you when they have to.	(Use together with other signs) They avoid you because they are married or taken, or your relationship would be ‘a taboo’.
Generally speaking	You feel like you have to hold onto them to dear life or you will lose them.	You do not feel like they’re going to slip through your fingers if you don’t hold onto them, but you realize sometimes life pulls people away from the one they love and want, but you feel like whatever happens, they’ll be back.
Generally speaking	Your belief in their love for you requires a lot of blind trust and faith in them and yourself.	No matter how much you open your eyes, and try to find the signs of them not being in love with you, you keep seeing signs they do.
Generally speaking	You keep dismissing and ignoring signs that they don’t love you. You explain things away a lot. “They’re going through something.”	When they are going through something, they still check in with you (even in spirit if they can).
Generally speaking	They are “too busy” for you a lot.	They are never so busy they can’t send you a message or give you a cuddle or a hug or spend every small moment they have to spare with you or on you.
Generally speaking	You’ll cling onto any sign or glimmer of hope they love you.	Every small sign that they might not love you sends you to fearful retreat and terror that they don’t, indeed, love you.
Generally speaking	Everyone around you, your friends included, tell you this person doesn’t love you. That you should give up on this. That you’re wasting your time. You’re hanging onto false hope. They try to wake you up.	Everyone around you tells them they DO love you. They accuse you for having a poor self-esteem. They try to encourage you to take a leap of faith for your own good.
Generally speaking	You couldn’t possibly get their attention without talking to them. (If you do, it’s along the lines of “how the fuck are you still here?!”)	You seem to be able to get their attention even without talking to them. They seek you out in a full room. If they are not looking at you directly, they make sure you will be looking at them – but never turn their back on you for longer than ordering a drink takes. If they meet a friend that in order to greet them, they need to turn their back on you, they will soon maneuver themselves to face you again. They hate having their back turned at you.
Generally speaking	Your value system is in disalignment. They seem to value things you don’t really and vice versa.	Your value system is in sync.
Not together yet	Everyone around you, your friends included, tells you this person doesn’t love you. That you should give up on this. That you’re wasting your time. You’re hanging onto false hope. They try to wake you up. They may be angry at you for wasting emotions on this person as they’ll wind up hurting you.	Your friends accuse you of having poor self-esteem and that this person IS in love with you and you just need to take a leap of faith and trust yourself for a second.
Not together yet	You sweep the internet trying to look for something that would justify your obsession with this person. You insist they are a Twin Flame while IGNORING all signs and warnings that suggest they are not as “something that doesn’t resonate with you”. You insist that stuff you don’t want to hear “doesn’t sound true”, as in, doesn’t sound PLEASANT.	You are more than capable of accepting that reality isn’t always pleasant, and that not everyone who you love loves you back. You’re almost TOO FINE with that thought.
Not together yet	You have to work hard to get their attention.	You don’t feel like their attention is hard to get.
Not together yet	They have angrily told you to go away and they keep telling you that over and over.	They have angrily told you to go away, but if you persist, they will melt and confess to you they love you (and hate you only for not loving them).
Not together yet	They are friendly with you but keep rejecting you in some way. They may accept some romantic gestures but they stay at a distance.	They are friendly with you, while not making advances, but they are flirtatious and seem to be “knocking on the door” a bit. (Waits for YOU to make a move, too.)
Not together yet	If you beg for compliments, they’ll give you some spiel about you having a nice personality, pretty eyes, or a nice dress.	If you beg for compliments, they may turn red, refuse to say anything, or smile mysteriously… Or even react aggressively for you probing.
Not together yet	If you KEEP begging for compliments, they may eventually react aggressively as they’ve already given you all they have for you.	If you keep begging for compliments, they may eventually give you some in a burst of annoyed outpour.
Not together yet	They tell their friends that you’re some stalker type and that they hate you or think you’re weird. (If you find out)	Behind your back, they express insecurity or how “you” seem to think you’re too good for them, or somehow express feeling rejected by you. (If you find out)
Not together yet	They express disbelief that you don’t GET IT, that they are not interested in you, or that you don’t realize you’re nothing alike.	They seem doubtful that you might love them. They suspect that you’re kidding or leading them on or using them because they feel you’re too good for them.
Not together yet	They tell you empathically that you don’t even know who they are. This is to express you think you understand them but don’t.	They suggest that you think they’re some “princess” or “prince” or something to be going after, as in, they doubt you know how undesirable they are as a partner. (not good enough for you.)
Not together yet	They are annoyed by you because you keep demanding attention when they are more interested in or fully in love with someone else.	They’re annoyed with you because they believe you’re after an ego-boost in the form of them confessing their undying love for you to which you can laugh and call them cute. They may also want you to go away because confessing their love for you would destroy their life as it is. (Divorce, losing their kids, perhaps losing their job or status or sexual identity.) (Use with other signs, never alone as this is one of the tricky parts.)
Not together yet	They’re with someone else and you have to annoy them/fight for/seek their attention.	They’re with someone else but keep looking at you to see your reaction.
Not together yet	They may have flirted with you at first but have stopped even though you’re still on speaking terms.	You seem to find that talking to them ranges from impossible to super easy, you find it easy to be near them even in complete silence. They don’t leave your side even if you go quiet.
Not together yet or anymore	(After you’ve chased them for a long time) they start telling you how much you fail in comparison to what they want – in detail. This is not a task list, this is to tell you that you’ll never be able to meet their requirements. (If they accept you as a sub slave, that doesn’t mean they’re in love with you, but they are willing to use you sexually or financially if you insist.	(After you’ve chased them for a while) they tell you one or two things that are about an ADJUSTMENT away from becoming their ideal partner. You’d find it LIBERATING to meet their expectations. They were annoyed over something you did to please OTHER people and therefore letting go of that habit feels like a liberation, not like a demand.
Not together yet or anymore	They have cut contact with you. You feel they’re angry. “Stop bothering me.”	They don’t respond to you, but you still feel their love for you. Not anger. Love. If not love, then sorrow or heartbreak.
Not together yet or anymore	If they seem to work hard to control themselves when forced to maintain civil behavior near you, they seem to be suppressing anger or dislike or fear (of you touching them).	If they need to maintain a civil, official relationship with you, they seem to be suppressing love, passion, or fear (of being discovered).
Not together yet or anymore	When others are pushing you together (excluding arranged marriages or the like) they will react in anger or frustration at the others. They may express anger over making them reject you in public and shaming you as a result.	When others are pushing you together, they seem fidgety and shy, they make excuses about YOU not wanting them, it’s important you correct them.
In a relationship	If you MANAGE to force them into a relationship with you, they don’t seem pleased. They seem defeated. Eventually, the light goes out of them, they seem depressed a lot. It is not age, it’s being trapped in a relationship they don’t want.	If you force them into a relationship with you, they seem to struggle to contain their smile, their pleasure of being wanted by the most amazing person. They purr in contentment. Eventually, they will tell you this, and won’t stop praising you for not letting them slink away from you.
In a relationship	If you pressured them into a relationship, they are likely to cheat on you and be looking for better opportunities to find love.	If you pressured them into a relationship, they are devoted to you and only seek other partners if it turns both of you on.
In a relationship	When in a relationship with them, voluntarily or not, they don’t seem to be thriving. They seem not to be experiencing high emotions or levels of happiness. This is not their personality or “the way they are” it’s a reaction to a lackluster relationship.	When in a relationship, they often express their love and adoration for you in various ways, (this happens even if YOU weren’t in love with a person you’re with). They say it, they show it, they speak about it, they seem proud of you in every way.
In a relationship	When in a relationship, they don’t feel especially proud of you, even if you were proud to be with them. They don’t praise you in the presence of others, except when pressed to. Even then, their praise is generic and not very enthusiastic. They’d find it difficult to claim they feel “lucky” to have you.	When in a relationship, they’re bursting love for you, and if pressed to praise you, they’ll get easily lost for words, they’ll find it difficult to express just how much they love you. They use phrases like “the luckiest .. in the world”.
In a relationship	When you fight, you find it difficult to hurt them emotionally. They speak of your morals, your attitude, the way you are, but they seem above your insults. If they apologize later, it seems like cognitive relationship advice they’re following. This may also go the other way around. They may try to hurt you emotionally, but they can’t seem to be able to find the right insults.	When you fight, it’s about how you don’t value yourself enough, or about some small matter that quickly rises and lowers again. You may have bad fights, but they always resolve into hugs and kisses and saying “you’re sorry”, and you mean it, it didn’t come out as a relationship strategy.
In a relationship	In a relationship, they seem to be uneasy wondering whether they should leave you or not.	When in a relationship, in the early stages, they may be asking you if you truly want this with them. You need to reassure each other that you both want this and you’re ready for a full commitment to each other.
Breakup	If you break up, they seem not to be too phased by it. They feel even liberated and happy it’s over. You don’t feel like they’ll be back.	If you break up (for whatever reason) it is either super easy and loving like releasing a wild animal back to the wild (Precious Soulmates), or it’s devastation to you both (True Emotion Mirrors). It may also feel like it’s temporary and that they will be back after they get whatever they need to do out of their system.
Generally speaking	They have TOLD YOU they don’t love you. Using those words.	They might have rejected you, but NOT for “not loving you”. (They might not have said they love you, but they also haven’t said they don’t.)

If you find a person isn’t in love with you, you cannot label them a narcissist for it. In fact, people who cannot comprehend a situation where they can’t get who they want to fall in love with them is a symptom of narcissism.

Why did I create such a chart?

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who fool themselves that they’re loved back, and those who fear they are fooled to think they are loved back. The first group won’t get true love because they’re letting fool’s gold tempt them, they settle for less than what is available to them, because they refuse to believe someone else’s love might be as good as or even better than the person they have set their eyes on. (Is real gold better than fools gold? Hmmm. Let’s ponder.)

The second group has true love looking right at them, but they fear they’re fools like the first group, and avoid approaching that person because NOTHING is worse than realizing the love of your life doesn’t love you back… Or even hates you… Or laughs at you. So they’ve probably been there before, but they’ve DEFINITELY seen it happen to other people and fear they’re the next idiot going down that path.

I am speaking this way just to wake you up before you’re actually PUBLICALLY humiliated. So take that under advisement or don’t. The truth will come out eventually, and if you’re in the “not in love with you” group, it’s going to fucken sting… It would be better if you’d at least PRETEND to have lost interest in that person to save face or something. However, I’ve delivered the message and now it’s up to you to decide what to do with that information.

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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.

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