How do you know you’re heading for a bad marriage?

There are certain signs you can look for when you’re headed down the aisle with the wrong person. They can be either mildly wrong, like just wrong for you but otherwise, a great person or they can be downright abusive. Some signs are still the same. Many of them are grounded in the belief true love doesn’t exist.

Note that what starts as Type 1, may escalate gradually toward Type 3.

Type 1: “Good at marrying” (not very abusive but also, very much not true love)

1. They seemed to pick you out of a crowd as a given. “I like you the best, I’ll marry you.”
2. Regardless, they are acting self-confident with you. It may be impressive, but it is a sign they think you qualify, not that you’re amazing.
3. They make everything very easy for you, and you feel like all you have to do is coast along.
4. You may be currently disappointed in dating and feeling like the rose-colored glasses were truly for children and teens.
5. They seem “good at marrying”. They “know” how marriages are done. In addition, they may correct you on your ways of getting or being married.
6. They seem to not care about the fact you might not be really in love with them. It seems to be a non-issue for your partner.

Why are these bad things?

Nobody will ever act confidently with someone they’re head-over-heels in love with from day 1. NOBODY. You have to EARN true love by conquering your fears. Easy relationships are lackluster relationships that have nothing to do with true love. While this relationship isn’t exactly abusive in the strictest sense of the word, it is abusive in the sense that it is based on obligation and norm, rather than true love… And often ignores the fact you are not in love with your partner as if it wasn’t truly a factor worth considering at all.

Type 2: Abusive

1. This may be an addition to the above.
2. Your partner has strict rules, watches for signs of infidelity constantly.
3. Your partner guilt trips you a lot. Questions your morals and “good will”. Accuses you of being a feminist or not being a feminist, good Christian, or whatever else.
4.  You feel like you’re constantly made to prove yourself to them. That you’re “a good man” or “a good woman”.
5. They seem to anger unpredictably over small matters.
6. They never accept blame for anything, no matter how obviously their fault it is. (If they manage to lock house doors with the keys inside, it’s your fault, somehow.)

Type 3: Very Abusive

1. Not only does your partner have strict rules, they keep changing constantly.
2. You feel like you’re going slowly out of your mind. Your partner seems to know you’ve done things you can’t remember doing.
3. Your partner accuses you of things you cannot remember having done.
4. Your partner may abuse all and any mental health issue you’ve had or have, and insist you think they have issues is because of your issues.
5. They lie about you to you and your friends to create a narrative forcing others to keep an eye on you, too, “for your own good”.
6. They may use physical violence against you to make you obey.

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