There are two different types of rejection junkies, and for a soulmate theorist like me, there is that annoying aspect of knowing that the behavior of a True Emotion Mirror* can make you think you are one, and knowing the way soulmates behave in reality may make a rejection junkie think that what they are feeling is a symptom of being in love with a soulmate. So. In essence, what that means is that not all that glitters is gold, and this article is trying to get to the bottom of what is what.

Like most relationship phenomenons, this one two can be seen clearer by separating the two different personality types and studying their motivations for the addiction for rejection:

The difference between a Idealists* and the Survivalist* Personality rejection junkie is that the Idealists* Personality (Enigma) hasn’t had people tell them “no” before and they don’t know how to take it. A Survivalist* Personality sees all people as equals and doesn’t understand why a person can love a person A but deny their love from a person B.

A Survivalist* Personality rejection junkie

the Survivalist* Personality types expect people to include them anywhere they want to be a part of regardless of how well they will fit into the desired group or for the person they want. The logic goes somewhat along the lines that “if there’s a lock on it, it must be really good and I want it” or “I wouldn’t be a member of a club that would have me as a member.” If people are also visibly happy and a rejection junkie wants to feel happy, they feel the person who is able to make one person happy, should also be willing and able to make them happy as well. They believe, for instance, that love is an ability, not an automatic feeling, and that a person who is able to love person A should also be able to transfer that love to person B without difficulty. If that person refuses to do so, a good rejection junkie will believe these people are rejecting him or her out of spite and are doing something wrong, they must be put in their place and taught that love belongs to everyone equally: “You don’t love me, therefore you are a bad person because I can see you are capable of loving someone else, and you owe me love, too.”

A stable-minded the Survivalist* Personality individual would think that they will move on to find someone who is capable of making a fearless commitment to them and leave these people alone.

A Survivalist* Personality rejection junkie is likely not happy with the people who finally do accept them

A Survivalist* Personality rejection junkie can only ever be chasing after a Idealists* Personality individual, due to the fact that the Survivalist* Personalities do not reject people for any other reason but by fear of not being loved. Once the Survivalist* Personality is convinced that they are loved, they accept the other one in, no questions asked. When a Idealists* Personality rejects someone, they reject them based on their belief they are not compatible, but the Survivalist* Personality interprets the rejection as their fear that they are not loved, therefore they do their everything to prove that the other is loved and can go to extreme lengths to make that happen. A the Survivalist* Personality rejection junkie is likely to be able to clear that fear very easily because they understand it very well. Chasing a Idealists* Personality, though, once they get what they want, they are not likely to want them anyway, but now feel responsible to stay with them because they made such an effort to get in in the first place, and because to the Survivalist* Personality, a break up is a theoretical concept that doesn’t fit their way of thinking.

The way the Survivalist* Personality thinks makes them think that the Idealists* Personality who rejected them to begin with gave them a false idea of who they were because they were insecure to be found out for who they were in reality, and in a way, that “fragility” of the Idealists* Personality’s mind endears the Survivalist* Personality to them even further, because they are always attracted to weakness, but at the same time, they are irritated that the Idealists* Personality Runner managed to lure them into this trap with their pretence of superiority, but now they feel responsible for this fragile human being. The way their mind works, and I know this is complicated, is that when someone rejects another person, it means they think they are superior to them and other people and because they feel superior, it must mean that they are a) financially stable b) “mature” c) willing to work hard, and stereotypically what you would want from a wife or a husband, in a word, a grown up, responsible individual who knows how to follow rules, ie. a boring adult as far as the Idealists* Personalities are asked. When they discover that the Idealists* Personality is somewhat quirky, more artistic than practical, creative more than good at doing things “the right way”, they feel deceived by their pretence of superiority, when, in fact, the Idealists* Personality Runner already saw this coming and rejected the Chaser in full knowledge that they are not compatible. (Will explain their point of view later.) Once the Survivalist* Personality discovers they managed to net a fragile, dysfunctional individual instead the stable, work-loving practical individual they thought they were chasing, they feel responsible of them like taking care of a child or a mental patient. This, in turn, creates a whole heap of relationship problems that I have to leave to another time.

The reasons the Survivalist* Personality chases a Idealists* Personality

1. Ensuring “a good catch” by chasing a popular person (Enigma) without a real understanding why they are popular or appreciation of their talents or character traits, but fully expecting their popularity to be a proof of their responsible, “mature” character. The Survivalist* Personalities believe in “tried and tested”, popular opinion and popularity, because if a lot of people are after a certain person, they must be good spouse material, and safe, right?
2. An Idealist* Personality gives an air of easy confidence because they are comfortable with who they are and self-assured. A Survivalist* Personality is attracted to this because they feel safe with a Idealists* Personality, who will, in reality turn out to be nothing the Survivalist* Personality expects, their self-confidence is due to their lack of fear of life, which, in turn makes the Idealists* Personalities take risks that they know they can handle. A Survivalist* Personality hates risks and is afraid every time a Idealists* Personality is having fun. A Survivalist* Personality is all about safety, a Idealists* Personality is about enjoying life, having fun, and taking risks. When married, the Survivalist* Personality demands the Idealists* Personality to take fewer risks and “be proper”, which kills the Idealists* Personality inside.
3. Acceptance drives the Survivalist* Personality to seek approval from people who cannot give it to them. The less a Idealists* Person genuinely likes the Survivalist* Personality, the more they are likely to want the Idealists* Personality. Because the Survivalist* Personality wants nothing more than to be “good and proper”, accepted by popular opinion, therefore a person who is popular among others will, obviously, be an authority on what it is to be a good, proper person, and therefore their acceptance, approval, love, and respect is more valuable than other people’s.

Why a Idealists* Personality is likely to accept the advances of the Survivalist* Personality?

Our society repeats the Survivalist* Personality demand of “give everyone a chance”, “it is not all about the looks”, “do not mistake lust for love”, and “relationships are about compromising”, the Idealists* Personalities are likely to go back on their authentic wish to be choosy about who they interact with, hang with pretty people, go after mind-blowing sex and romance and never compromise on a romantic partner. Because two the Idealists* Personality True Emotion Mirrors are likely to have a very complicated time about connecting to each other, the Survivalist* Personality who is there, ready and willing and insisting they love the Idealists* Personality, they are likely to enter a weak point in their lives and accept their advances, thinking that the nay-sayers might have been wrong, they must give it a chance, and finally; this might be what true love was all about in the end. Disappointed and disheartened, they settle on the relationship with the Survivalist* Personality. (And no, this is not insulting to the Survivalist* Personality, they believe that is a sensible thing to do, and relationships are about sticking together, loving each other despite their flaws, ensuring safety, and making babies, simple as that.)

In case a Idealists* Personality has a love affair with someone they cannot get on the same page with (True Emotion Mirror) they are likely to give up trying when they start thinking they don’t know what love is anyway and accept the insistence of the Survivalist* Personality (or their kind) that this is what love is about and simply give up wishing for that perfect romance.

An Idealist* Personality (Enigma) rejection junkie

Another interesting thing about a rejection junkie is that it is entirely possible that they are usually very popular among people, both as a friend and a romantic partner. When someone tells them no, they cannot understand what they are hearing, and keep pushing as if trying to make their object to see what a great thing they are missing out on; “Can’t you see, you moron, that I want you? I am the best there is, why would you reject me?” A person like this might not even consider the possibility that someone might be in quite a stable mind when rejecting them, and that there is no drama, trauma, or denial behind their decision.

An Idealist* Personality rejection junkie will do everything in their power to fix the insecurities of their target because they cannot believe anyone would reject them out of an actual wish to do so but simply do it because they are too uncertain of themselves to actually believe someone like the chaser would want them as a partner. An Idealist* Personality who cannot even accept the theoretical possibility that there is a person in this Universe who doesn’t want to have a romantic relationship with them when offered needs to take a step back and consider their own mental stability before pursuing their target further. (I will guarantee you that there is not one person in this world who would be right for everybody although there are some very freaking popular people out there.)

What is being a rejection junkie and what is being involved with a True Emotion Mirror?

These two relationships look very similar externally. Telling them apart will take a lot of honesty and courage because sometimes it takes more courage to accept good news than it is to accept bad news… And vice versa.

Clues that you are a rejection junkie rather than a True Emotion Mirror to your runner:

1. You have never, up until reading this post, considered the possibility that your runner might not want you.
2.  You do not understand why they would not love you or want you, or why anyone who is single would not start a relationship with a solid, normal individual such as yourself.
3. You believe their rejection comes out of fear of intimacy, inability to make a commitment, or “being broken” rather than having something to do with you personally; ie. they are at flaw, they are traumatized rather than them simply not wanting you.
4. You feel like you have to teach them how to love (you).
5. You feel like you are doing them a favor by seeking a relationship with them.
6. You feel smug towards them and feel like they should submit to your will because you are better than them.
7. You want to prove that you can have them, to them, to yourself, or to your friends.

Clues that you are not a rejection junkie and chasing a True Emotion Mirror

1. You are quite aware that they are an incredible person who could easily have anyone they want and you can’t quite tell why anyone would reject them; you think the world of them and believe everyone feels the same way about this person. You adore them, everything about them and you feel complete respect towards them.
2. You feel you would be the luckiest individual in the world if they would have you.
3. You feel a conflict of knowing you would be perfect for each other but you feel too much respect for them to insist that to be the case.
4. You feel an immense amount of sexual desire towards this person. (Sheer lust. Also, you are afraid that your lust toward them is “dirty” or inappropriate and you are ashamed for feeling this way towards a God or a Goddess as you see them. You are ashamed of your own desire for them. Applies to men in particular.)
5. You feel tongue-tied and unable to speak to them like proper adults, and you are constantly afraid of making the wrong move with them because they mean entirely too much to risk them being offended or put off by you.
6. You feel that even being seen with them is an elevation to our own status as an individual, you are proud for simply knowing them.
7. You feel that the world is a better place simply by knowing people like this exist.

Clues that your chaser is your True Emotion Mirror who you should take seriously

1. They do not act confident or chatty with you, in fact, they can be tongue-tied a lot, and be so scared of you that they might come off disinterested at times.
2. You believe you are the chaser and they are the one who is rejecting you.
3. You believe they are interested in you because of your money, the way you look, your job, because they think you’re easy, or because they are a rejection junkie who wants you only because they can’t have you.
4. You believe they are entirely too good for you and, therefore, you cannot trust their love for you. You also think they think they are too good for you, although you are simply projecting your own fears and beliefs on them.
5. You feel like you have to hide something from them because you couldn’t bear them to dislike you. (Often your sexual desires.)
6. You may feel that being with them makes you seem like a loser in comparison (compare to point 6 of the above).
7. You feel a sense of doom around them, fear of losing the right to your own life with them because you feel that if they would ask you to throw yourself onto a sword, you would do that without a question. You also fear they sense that and want to abuse that power they have over you. (And no, you didn’t have to be aware of that feeling before.)

Read more about True Emotion Mirrors

Never compromise again, the Idealists*.

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