How exceptionally attractive people mess up their relationship with their potential true loves.

Exceptionally attractive people are used to being approached and chased by others into relationships. In normal social situations, people tend to avoid them because they are intimidating to talk to and pose a threat to any existing relationships people have as they create jealousy and insecurity in others. However, when it comes to romances, they are a primary target for a wide variety of single people, especially when there’s alcohol in the mix. They are used to being approached online, but they RARELY do approach others, especially people who are at their level, themselves. This means they are often directly dependent on other people’s actions rather than sitting in the driver’s seat. Having SO MANY reasonable and decent options to choose from without putting themselves on the line is so easy that exceptionally attractive people may not see the point in actually approaching others. Attractive men think it’s natural women make the first move, and similarly attractive women presume that men make the first move. Unless they’ve been told by someone less attractive than them to “go out there and get the girl/guy,” they are likely never to notice the importance of this lesson themselves.

This, over time, gives average people an inflated sense of their own attractiveness because their ACTIVE APPROACH will easily close the gap between their attractiveness and that of their target. They make it EASY to choose them over the people the attractive person would be interested in naturally. As the attractive people may then try and HIDE the fact they’re not really that impressed with their current partner, they may go out of their way to make that person feel loved and appreciated – fully managing to pull the wool over their eyes of any regrets they might have.

The first step, thus, for exceptionally attractive people is to stop giving themselves permission to take the easy way out. The following steps are going to take more time.

Become aware of the fact exceptionally attractive people are used to BEING CHASED… HARD.

While the advice for average people is “stop chasing him/her, it looks desperate,” because regular people are not used to it, they find weird; you MAY HAVE TO chase an attractive person quite a bit more than what you feel comfortable doing. If you don’t, they may not think you’re that interested in them, and if you are equally good-looking than them, they figure you’ve got a lot to choose from – just like they do.

I know this is what gives most exceptionally attractive people a freakout; you have to make an effort with other attractive people. OTHER ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE WILL NOT TOLERATE being the only active person in this relationship, you HAVE TO reciprocate attention, even SMALL attention from exceptionally attractive people. You don’t have to say a lot, but say SOMETHING, and don’t lie. (Why would you, I don’t know but still, don’t lie, and for the love of God, don’t play hard-to-get with another very attractive person, male or female, and reserve jealousy games for a lot later. An attractive person won’t be impressed or excited if you can’t decide which one you prefer, him/her or some average competitor.)

Remember that beautiful and intelligent people VALUE beauty and intelligence.

Now… If someone puts in the effort to be beautiful and prides themselves for their intelligence and awareness, it shows these things are IMPORTANT to that person. Therefore, you can rest assured that if someone is dating down, you have a chance to get in between them. (All is fair in love and war.) Consider it a rescue mission, not an invasion. You don’t have to SABOTAGE the relationship; just offer an alternative, and be patient. They are not, obviously, likely to make up their mind about you on the spot. (Then again, maybe they will.)

Also, beauty and intelligence aside, whatever a person IS they VALUE in others. Also, whatever a person IS NOT they don’t value in you. Otherwise, they would have made an effort (in previous lifetimes). This also applies to traits that you consider utterly negative or flawed. You just may not understand the logic that goes into valuing poverty or admiring meanness and selfishness in people… Or obesity or… crudeness… etc.

Your True Emotion Mirrors and Precious Soulmates hate the same things, people, and personality traits as you do.

This should be a relief to hear.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO pretend to be anything different from what you actually are. You don’t have to be “nice” or “kind” any more than you ACTUALLY are. Nice and kind are traits that lower-level people value because that gives them an edge and a stepping stone. It BENEFITS THEM if you believe you have to be nice and kind and forgiving of other people’s flaws and failures. You don’t have to be those things with the people who truly love you. You do automatically hate the same things about other people, hate, dislike, disapprove, not prefer… Whatever the level of “not for me, please” might be.

Remember that unattractive people play a different game.

NEVER EVER trust an unattractive person’s opinion of a person you’re in love with. Sometimes, THEY MAKE SHIT UP to gain an edge. Sometimes they lie to themselves to maintain their false ego and self-confidence when another person is threatening it. To some unattractive people, painting their rivals with unflattering colors is the ONLY WAY they can hope to get there in the end.

Do yourself a favor, and find out for yourself whether that person is “fake” or “shallow” with you, specifically, as they may be quite fake and shallow with a person they inherently dislike, too. That’s what people tend to be and do with someone who they just wish to go away; they fake smiles, they fake compliments, and they maintain a shallow, meaningless conversation just to get away from that person without making an enemy out of them. That’s not their PERSONALITY; that’s their REACTION to someone they don’t like.

Remember you have an option to befriend people who are not 100% right for you as a romantic partner.

Find strength in numbers. Even if you are not 100% right for each other, certain base values should bring you together with other attractive people. Make friends, and then introduce your friends to your friends. This sounds obvious, but it’s just not. Attractive people tend to WIND UP with a group of random people they have relatively little control over, but do take a new approach: people will want to be your friend even if you don’t sleep with them, trust me. And if there’s a benefit of meeting your friends, too, you’re a catch as a friend as well as a romantic partner.

The reason why exceptionally attractive people have forgotten or have not learned how to make friends (as adults) is that they are usually avoided as friends because they’re intimidating and also a threat to one’s existing relationships. Therefore, the only time attractive people get interest from anyone tend to be when they wish to try their luck as romantic or sexual partners. A big part of the attraction is also intelligence, as it’s very important in the sense of survival and evolution. Therefore it is safe to assume that super-attractive people are also extraordinarily intelligent. This creates an intellectual gap as friends that is difficult to ignore without a sexual connection closing the gap.

This maybe the most difficult step to overcome; to trust you’re worth hanging out with without a sexual connection. This may sound like a girl problem, but it isn’t. Intelligent handsome men may also find that women will only be interested in them as a romantic partner; because intelligent, handsome men will PROVIDE a higher standard of living than their average counterparts. However, it maybe difficult for men to trust that their company as intellectual beings is valued not only by women but by attractive, smart women in particular.

How extraordinarily attractive people wind up stuck with downright offputting people.

Now, remember: what you put an effort into is what you value. What you are not, is what you don’t value. Therefore, offputting people value… THAT. They feel people who are offputting have a “high self-confidence” because they don’t “try so hard” to be attractive. They see particularly attractive people as “insecure and desperate” because they put so much effort into being attractive. Therefore, they see attractive people as “an easy catch” and the only difficulty they think they’re facing is to prove to an attractive person that they are, in fact, loved for who they are (ugly and stupid) and that their offputting friends are willing to “be there for them” until they gain self-confidence.

The nicer the offputting person thinks they are, the harder they’re going to chase the attractive person, to “prove to them they’re enough,” thinking the rejection of everything they’re offering (not much) is a reaction to insecurity and disbelief they’re loved, NOT that they believe they deserve far more than that. As the offputting people keep pestering and pushing toward a relationship, EVENTUALLY, USUALLY, they get their way, because that kind of pressure is both flattering and induces pity: “If it means that much to them, fine…” While the unattractive try to convince the “insecure” attractive people that they’re loved, what the attractive people believe they are being told that their awesomeness is so irreplaceable that they are needed by this person, as is the only logical conclusion they can make from their perspective. So, out of pity, they stay. And, out of pity, their unattractive partners stay.

Once the attractive person starts losing their looks, as there’s no point maintaining them while being married to a person who doesn’t value good looks, their partner starts noticing that their formerly attractive partner is now “gaining self-confidence,” and they will start feeling insecure about them. They may also start noticing the intelligence and charm that they always possessed. When the attractive person starts barking at their unattractive partner, they further believe they are “gaining self-confidence and trust” toward the unattractive partner: “I can act disrespectfully toward you because I trust that you love me and that I won’t leave you.”

As I said; as the first step, stop dating down. You’ll have to reeducate yourself to date equal, but for the love of god, stop dating down and particularly COMMITTING to people who don’t meet your standards. You do not need to be nice to those people.

If this post struck a chord

Join Second Life and find Zen Metal locations. Invite anyone who you think will relate. Zen Metal is not a closed group, even though I am SO TEMPTED to close it as it’s more comfortable that way. We will have to start taking some punches with regular folks… And that means we need to learn to throw some, too. Or, rather, the other way around. We need to learn to accept the fact not everyone agrees we’re the best of the best. ;D Time to put the ego to the test. Time to take a hit and keep getting up and learn to stay abrasive and challenging.

What this means… We’ll have to learn to express DISLIKE and DISAGREEMENT and risk being DISLIKED as a consequence. Everybody tends to want to “like” people who are friendly and agreeable with them, but it’s digging us into a freaking hole, people. We need to stand up and be proud of who and what we are, despite the nay-sayer’s attitudes. It takes courage, but fuck… We don’t allow ourselves weaknesses nor flaws. That’s what we do; we recognize a flaw, and we fix it, not hide it.

We need to learn to REJECT fairly and squarely, and I am not great at it myself… I am VERY MUCH still learning to be honest about my rejection, but here’s MY truth: If I love you, I won’t hesitate to PRAISE you without prompting. I love nothing more than love a person I’m looking at with WIDE OPEN EYES and see no flaw. THAT makes me praise you… Other people get a compliment here and there, but mildly so, often only after prompting and begging. Just enough to get away with it. “Did you miss me?” “Sure,” you know? “Of course I did.” (No. No, I didn’t.)

Join Second Life and find Zen Metal. Here are instructions if you feel you need them.

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