How far should the chaser True Emotion Mirror chase the runner?

In my numerous posts about runner/chaser dynamics I have given a few different scenarios in attempt to give clarity towards what to do to end the separation phase with a soul bond lover. The situations are different, and therefore the code of conduct should be different, but there is one advice that I can give to all of them: tempt, don’t chase, coax, don’t coerce! What this means is that you have to change your whole attitude towards this situation, and remember that soul bond or not, this is still a living breathing human being with human psychology but what normal relationship advice is meant for is Trail Companions* , not True Emotion Mirrors .

You can also read about The Law of The Truest Wish in this context, and if you are already familiar with that mindset, you know it’s a delicate balance between chase and attraction. If you keep chasing the things or people you want to attract, you are in danger of literally chasing them out the door! On the other hand, I keep telling you to give everything, put everything in the line for them, but that is NOT the same as chasing. This is preparing a space for them to live in, to exist in, like you were creating a nest for the love to grow in. Chasing means a mindset of “I’ll first grab you by the balls and then I’ll figure out what to do with you”. This has to go the other way around: First you figure out what you want to do with them – with good clarity – and for the love of God if “marry them” is the best answer you’ve got, you don’t stand the first chance of making it! This relationship is not about following a ready made life plan, this is about being yourselves and living freely through the soul in the most authentic way you can be, otherwise it’s just another soulmate relationship doomed to not starting. You have to reverse the ‘adult thinking’ you have been brainwashed into. You have to truly grow up so you can make conscious independent decisions, that may include entertainment that traditionally interests children only – learn to NOT deny yourself things that give you enjoyment even unrelated to your soulmate(s). (soulmate / True Emotion Mirror marriages fail ALL THE TIME because people start out playful, then get married and start treating each other according to a standardised program called “a married couple”. You have to figure out how do you keep your proposed marriage FUN and entertaining! Don’t aim for a serious relationship, aim for a enjoyable relationship!)  The magic of a soulmate relationship is that it does not conform to standards, there is NO compromising needed and that both parties / all parties involved are free to be exactly who they are. And that is what you should focus on while you are on a chase – to find out who the hell you are under all that rubbish society laid on you over the years. Read: You knew yourself at 17 better than now and Spiritual work for True Emotion Mirror (True Emotion Mirrors).

Sorry for rambling a bit. (Voices in my head, what can I say?) I’ll return back to simple matters. When we meet our soulmates, we can be overwhelmed with feelings for them, and that can almost paralyse us into a mode of no action because we are terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing. When we figure out what this is about, we start asking other “True Emotion Mirrors” what to do in this situation because we simply don’t want to make a mistake. And that was your first mistake. 🙂 Nobody can tell you exactly what to do with YOUR soulmate, because they are YOUR soulmate and you are you. This is an entirely unique relationship in the world, nobody will have the same one, and that is why they are so special. You are irreplaceable to them, but only if you follow this one, worn out rule of thumb that has been tossed around so much it hurts me to repeat it: “Just be yourself.” It is terrifying, I know. This is the first step of temptation rather than chasing. You being you, is the most attractive thing to anyone around you, most of all your soulmates. The second thing you will need is the self-confidence to be yourself. To find self-confidence to be yourself, you must first know who you are! This is why we are always encouraged to do spiritual work and focus on our own selves, but that doesn’t give you many clues, does it? It sorta pushes you into buying crystals and meditating, which might not be your thing at all!

Running and chasing is not only a concept for those who are currently separated. A LOT of women literally chase their lovers out of their lives by attempting to get a commitment out of them with all their might. Commitment is a dangerous and false goal. It takes the fun out of your relationship – you should be the place where your soulmate runs to in order to be free, away from his jailers. If you try to put a ring on that finger, you easily turn yourself into a trap instead the most liberating person your soulmate has ever known, and as many of you are trying to coax a soulmate out of a marriage, this is the most idiotic method to go about it. It’s just exchanging a jail for a new and refreshing one. What makes running such an alluring goal too is that when the new relationship promises something that seems to be too good to be true, it’s easy to go with the less tempting option with the negatives clearly in sight. This will be a problem with people who have done their spiritual work, who are in their authentic self mode and who are so radiant that they seem too good to be true. This, to anyone with the slightest amount of self-doubt or insecurities can be a terrifying option to explore – with all the cynicism in the world it is hard to trust something that beautiful, that promising, that tempting and that fulfilling in the fear that it will turn out to be another mouse trap.

Another form of chasing is trying to get the runner to make sacrifices before the chaser feels brave enough to do so. This must stop. You can’t hold onto a back up relationship or marriage in the hopes that the chaser will one day stop running and come knocking on your door. You have to clear your life of all barriers that might stand in the way of your lovers’ return. The barriers include all conflicting relationships (fix those you can’t let go of to a satisfactory level,) you may have to find a way to support yourself financially at least so you are not dependent on another person, but most of all you have to ask yourself what YOU can do to be ready for a new relationship as opposed to what THEY can do. You can only control yourself. The chaser is usually the one with most issues, although in most cases both (all) parties run and chase in turns, but if you still find yourself chasing, you know you have some work to do, the good thing is that it’s all under your own control. Consider whether you have a romantic idea in your head that isn’t actually very mature in the end. Do you wish to be saved from a failing marriage like a damsel in distress? Do you wish your soulmate is going to come and take care of you for the rest of your life without a worry in his mind that you might turn into yet another nagging wife who has needs he cannot financially meet? Mind you, that the level to which you have to be independent from others financially and spiritually (their approval) is individual. The rewards are in alignment with the work you put in. Your goals have to be in alignment with the future you are envisioning.

The length to which the chaser should go is to be truthful and honest but not pushy about one’s feelings towards the runner, and make sure they know how the chaser feels about them – then, take the hands off approach as far as the runner’s life is concerned and start working on your own personal growth instead. (Focus on yourself in a way that you will be able to live a happy life even without your soulmate.) If the runner comes ’round to see what the chaser has to offer, the chaser should treat them like a wild animal they want to tame: make sure the runner knows that there is no noose, no chains, no cages, and that they are free to come and go as they please. You don’t own anyone who you have to lock in to keep close, and only the person themselves can give themselves to you to keep.

Avoid all ultimatums (due dates for decisions etc.), because if this is a True Emotion Mirror* you can’t follow through any ultimatums anyway and you shouldn’t either. Your door should always remain open to them for as long as you haven’t found and fallen for another equal or stronger soulmate, and even in that case you should be aware of the fact that you are either polygamousORpolygynandrous or one of your soulmates is not a True one. It is also not about WHAT you do, it’s WHY you do it. Anything that smells calculating or like an attempt to trap them is bad, and anything given without any expectations or results is good, even when you know you are doing something enticing. The point is that your motivation must be to make them happy and feel good about themselves, not getting a return of investment, if you will. Selflessness is what is the point. You have to remove all wish to acquire them for yourself, even if you had to throw yourself under the bus to make them happy (figuratively speaking). Practical example: To decide whether to have sex with a married soulmate or not you have to consider your motivations: Is this in order to make them feel good or is it to make them leave their spouse? Even if you would look like a slut or a player, but sex would  make them feel alive or loved, then, if you can genuinely do that without feeling used or resentful, go there, but if your motivation is to use sex to trap them, then no, that is not how lover worth leaving a spouse for works.

The main point to this post is: Suck, don’t blow 😉 as in, tempt don’t chase. Coax, don’t coerce.

As a side note (lick): Happy birthday to Joe Perry. 🙂

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