How guilt screws up your love life (and how to rid yourself from guilt)

A Story of a True Emotion Mirror Couple

Let me start by telling you a story of a True Emotion Mirror couple I know. They are in their 80’s; they’ve been married since they were in their 20s, fell in love at first sight, and courted wearing silk gloves—literally. She dotes on him tirelessly, makes him sit down for his dinner as she serves it to him, she slaves in the kitchen for hours on end although she hates cooking, and he praises her for every meal she serves him and praises her cooking.

The love is there, but neither one seems happy. He wants to go out and do rugged things with the guys, but she’s too scared for him to let him go, and they end up bickering and fighting. What’s wrong?

The Role of Guilt

Guilt. He does as he’s told because he loves her and would never raise his voice against her, nor would he contradict her. She cooks him meals because she thinks that’s what good wives are supposed to do, and that’s what is expected of her. She serves him because she wants to be served and does the serving because she thinks everyone wants that.

Her extended family comes for a visit with sweat drops on their forehead because they know she won’t stop serving, and everyone will be just uncomfortable knowing she’s going through all that trouble when none of them really wants to be served, and they sense that she does it out of duty rather than enjoyment.

The Heart-Wrenching Truth

Talking to their souls, I discovered something so heart-wrenching that you wouldn’t believe it. His greatest desire is to serve her as a princess, his greatest treasure that she is. At the core of her being, she should be sunbathing at a luxurious resort. She should be sipping mild cocktails that he brings her as he loves her so! She should not worry about the first thing on this planet. He wants to protect her and treat her as his most precious possession.

This woman is the truest lady and princess. She should float into the room like a disincarnate soul. He would look at her like an angel, something so delicate that any brush with reality would spoil and crumble her into dust! To him, she is an angel—innocent, beautiful, the most perfect creature in existence. He is right.

Different Ways of Being Perfect

She is the most lovable creature when she’s happy, relaxed, spoiled rotten—some people simply thrive like that. That said, for women like me, treatment like this would turn me cranky and vicious because I would be bored out of my mind and feel disrespected! Unlike her, I would be viciously bossing my servant man around, who would look at him like the most capable, most heroic man on this earth simply because he brought her a flower. I’d be anything but a lady!

This is to say, what is one person’s heaven is another one’s hell. We need to learn to respect different ways of being perfect. We need to make it known that what someone wishes for us is not what we want. And when people say that, we should probably listen.

Misguided Intentions

This is the funniest thing; we do things we want others to do for us, not realizing that others don’t want the treatment we want! (Do unto others as you’d do to yourself doesn’t work!) In the process, we force them into a role they don’t want and deny ourselves the role we’re giving them.

This is what karma is based on. We think we should switch roles because we enjoyed the last life so much that we think it’s our turn to “suffer” in the next life… But it simply doesn’t work! There are people who love to serve and there are people who love to be served, and these roles don’t switch!

The Right to Be Yourself

Before feminism happened, their relationship was the ideal! This was what everyone aimed for. Some time in history, their love must have served as an example of what a woman should be and what a man wants. But in truth, their relationship and love are theirs. The rest of us must find what OUR GUY or girl wants.

Hers is the prince in shining armour that serves the woman of his dreams. But not all of us were happy with that treatment! When we wanted to join the men on hunts and adventures and to liberate ourselves, we took the right from women like her to be pampered!

Another stolen gift of love: The Ends of a Loaf of Bread

Another example, another couple. She always ate the ends of loaves that they were having, until one day, decades into their marriage, he asked to have one, just this once, because he loves those bread ends. She looked at him horrified: “I eat them so you wouldn’t have to!”

The balance of all your relationships depends on you acting out of your own selfish needs! Beauty happens when you do exactly as you want to do.

Finding Balance

If our True Princess would have sat down once and said: “Honey, dearest, I am too tired to cook today. Could you please go get some takeaways for us both?” He would have sprung on his feet just dying to do this one little thing for her! Finally, he gets to be the man that he wants to be. She would be the lady of luxury that she needs to be.

This is your goal: to find the things you truly love to do and to stop feeling like you have to stop yourself from doing it just so that someone else gets to do them.

Permission to Enjoy

You have the right, okay? Go enjoy!

Subscribe to get a Daily Message