How interest and disinterest in developing a certain relationship is interpreted as narcissism.
People are social animals. We are hard-wired to want to make friends and we all have our preferences as to who we want to bond with. However, how we communicate a wish to bond or the wish to move on can create confusion between people who are feeling differently about the situation.
There are people who are SO OFTEN approached for all kinds of relationships, that they are nearly permanently in a state of rejection; the Old Souls*. Then, there are those people who get chased after so rarely, that they are in a love deficit, and are, therefore nearly permanently in a state of welcoming acceptance: the Young Soul*. “I’ll take anyone.” And, most people are, obviously, fluctuating between these two states depending on the company so often that when you ask them if they’re extroverts or introverts, they can’t answer, as they go between both depending on their company.
The Young Soul* have trouble accepting that their love might be one-sided. The Old Souls* don’t realize that giving SOME love, let alone UNCONDITIONAL love to the Young Soul* won’t cause them to let go (“yes, thank you, I’ve had enough love now I’m strong enough to go on with my life”) or learn by example (“Oh, you are so nice, I want to be like you”). The Old Souls* are suckered in with the Young Soul*’s neediness, which isn’t manipulation in the same sense as the Old Souls* think: the Young Soul* wants to appear weak so that the Old Souls* would FEEL NEEDED and WELCOME, as the Young Soul* sees them as helpless and incompetent as the Old Souls* see the Young Soul* as.
Competence.
The Young Soul* measures competence as the ability to act normal, to fit in, and to UNITE with other people. The Old Souls* measures competence as the ability to take care of oneself and be self-reliant independent. When the Young Soul* is always trying to fit in and make sure everyone approves of them by any means necessary, the Old Souls* sees this as a weakness and a pathetic way to lead a life. In contrast, the Young Soul* view the Old Souls*’ individuality and uniqueness as a weakness and INABILITY to fit in with the masses/special group.
The Old Souls* holds independent values as to what they like about people. They independently decide what they want and go in that direction; they join with people who share their individual values. (Subcultures.) the Young Soul* join subcultures only when they feel that they can’t cope with the demands of the regular people, for instance, when their grades start to drop, and they find themselves incapable of meeting external expectations. An Old Soul* can be the smartest and most popular kid in the school and STILL turn into a punk-rocking anarchist.
Where the Old Souls* liberate themselves to be SMARTER and BETTER than the average, the Young Soul* seek refuge from demands beyond them. This creates an interesting combination of the highly intelligent making friends with the Young Soul* with a low IQ, so while the IQ isn’t in the HEART of the Young Soul* – the Old Souls* divide, it has a significant role.
Unwelcome relationships.
What IS in the heart of the Old Souls* and the Young Soul* divide is the Old Souls* CAUTION in bonding with people. The Old Souls* have already learned a life lesson that the Young Soul* haven’t learned yet: How DAMAGING unwelcome love can be in a person’s life.
the Young Soul* do not understand the CONCEPT of unwelcome love. The Young Soul* would do ANYTHING to find love, from ANYWHERE, and they can act very unpredictably in their seeking of love and approval, as they have no idea how to get it. Even the Young Soul* who THINK they are loved, admired, and secure very often are not. The Old Souls* have no such illusions, and they are FINE with it. They KNOW when they are among friends and when they are not, but they don’t think that a non-friend automatically means an enemy or “a hostile.”
Because the Old Souls* do not treat non-friends as hostile entities, the Young Soul* think they are now among friends and, thus, safe and secure. While they are NOT IN DANGER doesn’t mean they are, from a Old Souls* perspective, “sheltering” rather than “at home.” A Young Soul* thinks they are very much at home. The Old Souls* are much more sensitive to the difference between “a home” and “a shelter” and “my people” and “current company.” This creates tension between the two groups.
the Old Souls* narcissism (from the Young Soul* perspective).
the Young Soul* feel the Old Souls*’s narcissism is elitism, thinking the Old Souls* are “more important” than others, how their values should matter more than the groups’. They criticize the Old Souls* for putting their individual needs ahead of the needs of the many – or their assigned loved ones.
The Old Souls* doesn’t even realize they are ignoring the Young Soul*’s needs because they don’t have similar feelings toward the group as the Young Soul* do. They have an interest in the common good – but it is usually either national or global, rather than family or local community-driven.
the Young Soul* feel a duty to the community they were born in, particularly their own family; therefore, when a Old Souls* ventures out into the world to chase their dreams, the Young Soul* left behind are screaming: “You fucking narcissist.”
If they TRUST the Old Souls*, they lovingly lament: “They went into the world to make a success of themselves, so they can return home as our hero and bring us prosperity.” They’d be terrified if the Old Souls* turns out to not truly hold any emotional bond to their family and birth community, as they rarely do.
the Young Soul* narcissism (from the Old Souls* perspective).
the Old Souls* criticize the Young Soul* for ignoring people’s personal needs and expecting people to sacrifice their dreams for the good of the community. They do not see the point of holding onto each child like the town they were born in owned them, because to them, you don’t know where world-level talent is born at, and also, you don’t know if that person is happy in the community they were born into.
the Old Souls* want everyone to be happy. The Young Soul* narcissism responds: “But I am giving you a chance to make me/your family/your community happy, that should make YOU happy. What is the problem?!” The Old Souls* narcissism responds: “My happiness is completely independent of your happiness – I don’t want you to be UNHAPPY, but I also won’t really feel sad if you’re sad. You are not the center of my universe.”
Common scenario.
This difference in thinking often comes out in family dynamics.
the Old Souls* will rebel against parents who expect them to follow in the family’s footsteps, such as taking over a family business they feel no interest in as an industry. A Young Soul* family would then ASSUME the Old Souls* is suffering from self-confidence issues. To help the Old Souls* to realize she or he is perfectly capable and accepted, they attempt to FORCE the Old Souls* into taking their place in the family hierarchy. The message they try to send is: “you know you can do it if you just apply yourself,” but the Old Souls* may genuinely have no interest in “applying themselves” in this area of life, as they often don’t feel it is challenging or (globally) important enough. They feel their skills are better spent elsewhere, or simply that they’d find happiness doing something else. “Give the job to my little brother/sister, the company will survive, and if the company goes under, what harm is it if nobody wanted to work in the company in the first place?”
I’m using a company as an example, but it can be ANYTHING a family is about, even if that family’s image is not very well defined at all.
An Old Soul* feels offended that their unique abilities and worth are not respected, as they endeavor to respect the skills and strengths of other people.
Ideal community
An ideal community functions among VOLUNTEERS who WANT TO be a part of the whole. Each individual will volunteer their service TO A GIVEN PURSUIT (like making this company a success or building this town for the better, making this family stronger.) Then, the group will take each individual’s unique skills into account, and they will be assigned a role that suits them.
This is what is missing from the Young Soul* mentality. The Young Soul* automatically assumes everyone has already volunteered because they were born here. This is the HUGE difference between the Young Soul* and the Old Souls*. The Young Soul* are SO KEEN on functioning in a community that they don’t a) suspect anyone would decline an offer like that and b) that their participation isn’t always welcome.
Business
the Old Souls* APPLY for a position or a role in a community, and it is possible that specifically defined roles in a company, for instance, were created to stop the Young Soul* from exercising this “I want in; therefore, you need to give me a job” mentality. “No, we are specifically looking for someone to handle this…” “I can learn.” “Fuck. Do you have a degree? It took a genius ten years…” “No, but you can teach me?”
the Young Soul* often have unrealistic expectations on how much and what they can learn, hence degrees, even though now the Old Souls* fight against the idea that degrees are necessary. The Young Soul* use those degrees to get into a company while being only nominally qualified. So what used to be a deterrent for the Young Soul*’ obnoxious need to be accepted wherever they want to volunteer is now turned into a ticket to where they are not welcome.
OBVIOUSLY, I am a Old Souls* and find the Young Soul* infuriating.
Politeness confuses the Young Soul*.
the Young Soul* need clear answers: “Do you love me?” is a yes or no question to the Young Soul*, and if you answer in any other way than “yes” or “no” to the Young Soul*, it means “so much I am afraid to say it.”
“Are there any job openings?” must be met as: “Not for (the likes of) you” if you expect the Young Soul* to stop trying. Leave them to ponder what “the likes of you” mean exactly. (Maybe save this until you know this person isn’t taking a hint and maybe say: “We’ve looked into YOUR BACKGROUND and decided you are never going to fit into our company,” and make it sound like you’re talking to a turd. The only way to deter the Young Soul*, and then they go safe face and say “you’re racist” or “hate women” or whatever they decide to pin it on. If your reputation is more important to you than the feelings of this person, be even more forthright: “Frankly, your IQ is about 30 points too low to work here.”
Also, if you want to reject someone romantically, be frank. “You know I prefer women with huge tits and blond hair” is going to make a brunette the Young Soul* think: “OK, so how do you think I should compensate…?” To a Old Souls*, such a phrase is quite blunt enough, “no,” but to the Young Soul*, it just means “you’re not ideal, but…”
Surprisingly, the Young Soul* take BLUNT rejection MUCH BETTER than the Old Souls* do, but the Old Souls* will still think, “oh wow, they were rude…” and move on easier with a healthy level of indignation at such bluntness.
This is an introduction to a complex duality.
the Old Souls* could also be called “perpetual runners”, but they are not. Once they find their True Emotion Mirror or their Precious Soulmate (or someone who they wished was such), they will feel horrified how they suddenly start feeling “the Young Soul*” -feelings. As we go deeper into these ideas, I will introduce more and more complex parts of the theory that, frankly, still confuse me, too.
Much of the Young Soul* and the Old Souls* -counterparts are simply interpretations of bonding and rejection, unrequited love, and karmic bonds, but I’ll get into that a little later.
This website is for the Old Souls*.
This website is written for the Old Souls*, but if the Young Soul* find it interesting, they’re welcome to read.
By reading the blog the Young Soul* might learn to become more giving, caring, and less selfish and oppressive. Their tyrannical nature and need to control others will hopefully be reduced. They’ll learn to give more, take less, and read longer sentences.
the Old Souls* will hopefully learn to use the Young Soul* repellents and be less sensitive to the Young Soul* guilt trips.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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