How listening to a person’s emotions only does not make you a good listener.

When a person is talking, there are two components to that person’s expression. There are his or her emotions AND his or her words. Some people only focus on emotions, and others focus on words only. A good listener listens to both emotions and words as a combination. If this wasn’t necessary, we could have just not learned to speak at all. Speech developed for a good reason. This is one of them: One emotion can be caused by a ton of different things. Each of these different things can have a thousand little variations. Speech helps us express those variations, but it can also give you information about WHAT is causing an emotion.

For instance, if you hear someone express frustration on YouTube but you don’t really listen to the words, you’ll have to guess or assume what the frustration is all about. It could be a vast array of things. People who project tend to think about their OWN frustrations and directly associate the frustration with being caused by whatever frustrates them. “I am frustrated because I don’t get enough attention, love, and care from other people.” A person projecting their own emotions while listening to this might not change their interpretation even if this person is literally saying the opposite. In this case, that they are frustrated because everybody keeps staring at them, talking to them when they’re not supposed to, and trying to weasel their way in so they can force their love and care on them.

“Listen to me” = “Don’t ignore my words.”

It is also true that sometimes when people tell someone to “LISTEN TO ME,” what they get is that person focussing MORE on their emotional state, NOT their words. In reality, they wanted to point the listener’s attention to the words. They’ll slow down their sentences. They’ll try to use clearer or more sarcastic, exaggerated expressions to make their words more obvious. Still, a bad listener puts an even stronger focus on the emotion. They will STILL keep missing the words but realize the level of frustration and anger has risen. This, to them, means they’re emphasizing they’re frustrated and angry, but the reason still eludes them. They may often believe it’s the listener’s job to fix whatever is wrong (“I’m not loved”) – even if that person is telling them to “butt the fuck out of my business.”

Words are important. Sentences are important. You CANNOT ignore those things or assign a completely new interpretation to another person’s words, and consider yourself a good listener. It is partly because of bad listeners like this that I prefer to write. That forces people to either ignore me or focus on the words. They, on the other hand, easily think writing lies to them because it doesn’t match their preheld idea about what I was thinking before. When the message is NOT: “I want you to love me,” a lot of people find listening too much to bear.

When you talk, you must mind your words.

On the other hand, a person who ignores other people’s words will also use whatever words pop into their mind at the time of their emotional expression: speech. They often use worn-out phrases and platitudes to do this. They may also use phrases they know the approximate, inaccurate meaning but don’t care about the inaccuracy. There is no strong link between their emotions and their words. They’re ‘only venting.’ Still, a person who hears the words may feel the full sting of them. Assuming the words have been expressed with an actual intent to use them, makes the message hurtful.

You must make a conscious effort to say what you mean or not say much at all. It is terrible communication to use words with a lost meaning or no meaning at all. This is such an easy way to make accidental enemies, insult your loved ones, and ruin relationships. Assuming others around you couldn’t care less what words you use and why is a dangerous bet.

Never assume people know your mind as well as you do. People are not mindreaders; that’s why we have language.

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