How Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not really a thing
There are two types of people in the world; the Dog Type Thinker and the Cat Type Thinkers. It depends wholly on which type of a person is diagnosing (or casually judging) another person, as to who gets the diagnosis and who gets to be deemed “healthy”. In reality, neither has a personality disorder, but they are simply profoundly incompatible as people. Here’s how it works.
the Dog Type Thinker are often extroverted people who thrive on social interaction with other people. They are more than anything attached to their immediate family. They put social relationships first, and individuality second; individual traits must give way to social demands. They’ll sacrifice their personality traits and personal dreams in order to salvage almost any relationship, even when that person doesn’t want them to. They FULLY believe the nicest, most loving thing you can do to a person is to offer them instructions as to how to make it into their own inner circle, and that the worst thing you can do to a person is to exclude someone from their inner circle.
the Cat Type Thinkers are people who are individualists first, and social second. They don’t form a special bond with their family at all, but bond with others through personal values, whether they are family or not. What this means that they value individuality over being social. They’ll sacrifice their social relationships in order to salvage their right to remain who they are as persons, and they let people go from their lives in order to protect that person’s personality traits, that they deem sacred.
Narcissism depends on your perspective
the Dog Type Thinker define narcissist to be a person who refuses to conform to their group or social habits. If they don’t believe your reason for not conforming is stupidity, they conclude the reason is a narcissistic belief that you think you’re better than them. Someone who is “drawing attention to themselves” (by being different to others) is regarded as a narcissist, and a person who hides their candle and pretends to be like everyone else is seen as a nice, normal person (because the Dog Type Thinker don’t really believe people have “candles” to hide, or if they do, they consider it a handicap, something that will make it harder for that person to find “real friends”, as in friends that belong into the same social group as the Dog Type Thinker observer deems worthy).
the Cat Type Thinkers define a narcissist to be a person who puts up a fake front in order to be liked, then forces or emotionally manipulates others to take part in their game of pretending to be a perfect family, group of friends or another type of a community. The Cat Type Thinkers see pretending to be someone other than who a person is in order to be liked a sign of narcissism. They also feel extreme narcissism is faking talent and achievements in order to be accepted into a group of specially talented people.
The narcissistic personality disorder as a psychological description is somewhat of a mashup between these two ways of thinking about it, as multiple psychologists have been working on the definition of narcissism.
Who is hurting who?
In the Cat Type Thinkers/the Dog Type Thinker relationships, SOMEONE is always bound to be hurt. There is no possible way for these two to co-exist without one being hurt.
the Cat Type Thinkers hurt the Dog Type Thinker by forcing them face-to-face with the realization “they are not loved over anyone else in this world by their closest ones”. The the Cat Type Thinkers do this by not spending their life conforming to the Dog Type Thinker (or helping the Dog Type Thinker to conform to them) and convincing them that they are loved and respected and equal. This makes the Dog Type Thinker feel disrespected, pushed aside, and made to feel insignificant.
the Dog Type Thinker hurt the Cat Type Thinkers by stifling them, forcing them to give up their dreams (lest be regarded as bad/selfish people) and controlling who they can and cannot love, as the Dog Type Thinker marry and befriend for a whole group, not just for themselves, which means that if a Cat Type Thinkers falls in love with X, and the Dog Type Thinker don’t like X, the Cat Type Thinkers must give up X in order to maintain a good relationship with the Dog Type Thinker.
I remind you (likely the Cat Type Thinkers reader), again, that to the Dog Type Thinker, this is perfectly understandable, and they feel wrath-like indignation over the Cat Type Thinkers insistence of not conforming and accepting the people who love them (the Dog Type Thinker-family, friends, and community). A the Dog Type Thinker will always read psychology from the perspective of “How do I MAKE that person do as I want them to, and to conform to my will, or to teach me how they will love me instead of someone I don’t like?”
the Cat Type Thinkers’s only way out
An the Cat Type Thinkers has a way out of the community or family ONLY if the Dog Type Thinker start thinking they are irredeemable in the eyes of their community. This can be achieved by acquiring a drug addiction (but you can never STOP taking drugs as nothing impresses and moves them more than a convert), getting a job as a sex-worker, or something else that is scandalous. With acceptable behavior modes increasing and increasing, the Cat Type Thinkers will have less and less of a chance to condemn themselves in the eyes of the Dog Type Thinker, and their departure from a group they don’t want to be a member of becomes more difficult by the day.
The irony here is that the Cat Type Thinkers don’t WANT TO be thrown out of a family or community simply for being different. They will always campaign for more tolerance from the Dog Type Thinker, who get more and more confused about what is acceptable and how is love and position in the society achieved.
Standards
The the Dog Type Thinker will always keep standards achievable by a moderately intelligent person. They will also measure intelligence by the standard of how easily a person conforms into a group of people. They consider people who don’t want to conform as stupid, even though in reality, these people are often highly intelligent, much more so than average. (But the Dog Type Thinker don’t necessarily consider a high IQ a good thing, but rather a hindrance in the way of being social. They also seem to think that high IQ is a choice or something to be forgiven for and treated as a handicap, not an asset.)
The the Dog Type Thinker are also always irritated by the changing rules, so now they sigh about “the ever-changing world” as somewhat of a bonding point, “We all suffer because we can’t keep up with the rules of what is acceptable and what is condemnable, and we can’t really rely on the condemnable anymore because everything is AOK now.”
The irony, again, is, that the Cat Type Thinkers condemn the Dog Type Thinker for being judgemental, controlling, and over-bearing, which puts the Dog Type Thinker into a loop of despair: They want to conform to the Cat Type Thinkers wishes, but conformity, in itself, is what the Cat Type Thinkers cannot tolerate from people near them; “How will I ever get to know YOU if you pretend to be ME?!”
Privacy and secrets
the Dog Type Thinker and the Cat Type Thinkers have a very different view on privacy. The Dog Type Thinker act like superstars even when they are common as everything: they have a public front and then, they have what the friends and family sees. Everyone does, of course, have something that they consider private, but the Dog Type Thinker are more than happy to hide a few skeletons, actual secrets, in the closet, whereas a Cat Type Thinkers isn’t at all comfortable with lies that go beyond basic privacy. The Dog Type Thinker see secrets as something to bond with, to the point that they do bad stuff just to have a juicy secret or two to tell a prospective friend; otherwise, they’d feel boring.
(A great example is Johnny Depp, who is a Cat Type Thinkers, and Amber Heard, the Dog Type Thinker. When Heard failed to pin Depp for domestic violence, she hired a private investigator to dig up dirt on Depp. The man spoke to over a hundred people, none of whom had a bad thing to say about Depp. In fact, he went on record to say that people considered Depp to be the nicest man by the account of people who know him. Still Heard, as the Dog Type Thinker, believed that Depp HAD TO BE hiding something, as everyone has secrets, and she felt entitled to hearing them. I am also rather convinced she felt betrayed into marriage by Depp, who then “failed to share his secrets” with her because he actually doesn’t have any… Hence the short-lived marriage and the shit storm that followed.)
The the Dog Type Thinker do you a personal favor by hiding your quirkiness from “outsiders” like your future spouse, for instance. They attempt to standardize everyone and everything, so “personal flaws” will remain a family’s own little secret. This is insulting to a Cat Type Thinkers, all of whom celebrates individuality, quirkiness, and people’s own way of being who they are. Anyone who proudly declares themselves to be “a little weird” is a certain the Cat Type Thinkers.
Equality
the Dog Type Thinker thrive on forced pretend equality: If you are more skilled than others, you’re supposed to pretend you’re not so you can be a part of a group. They don’t have their standards high, just so that the likelihood of a person fitting in would be higher. However, they are not called the Cat Type Thinkers because equality is fake, forced on others, and we’re talking about the submission and dominance alternation in the Dog Type Thinker: they can be dominating or submissive, as long as the social circles thrive for it.
the Cat Type Thinkers want their personal relationships to be genuinely equal. They recognize uneven positive traits in other people, but thrive to form social groups that they feel comfortable in, but also, they’ll never accept a submission/dominance dynamic in a relationship if they can avoid it. They will always try to equalize relationships in terms of leadership. The worst thing you can do to a Cat Type Thinkers is to force them into a social group and then force them to change in order to fit that social group. (the Dog Type Thinker see this forcing as “strong guidance”.)
Interpretations
the Dog Type Thinker’ core programming is to try and be like the people they are linked to. They always attempt to conform in order to express love or admiration and attempt to “help” a person conform to them if they feel love and concern for a person they love. An the Cat Type Thinkers is always aiming to self-actualize, as in to liberate their true, unique self, which sometimes is quite a striking personality. (the Dog Type Thinker don’t believe in “special” people, they believe in flawed and different, and pretending people.)
A loving the Dog Type Thinker parent tries to help their children become younger versions of themselves if they have any self-respect or self-love to speak of. A loving the Cat Type Thinkers parent tries to help their children become who THEY are in their authentic core. Now, to the Dog Type Thinker child, this is truly stressful, because they feel like they need that instruction from the outside: “Who do you need me to be in order for you to love me?” When the Cat Type Thinkers parent refuses to give them that instruction because it would feel like emotional violence to them to tell a child what they must grow into, the Dog Type Thinker feels love is denied from them, and they’ve been thrown to the wolves by their own parent.
When the Dog Type Thinker parent tries to show love to a Cat Type Thinkers child, they are trying to help the Cat Type Thinkers child to become a version of themselves, as mentioned. The the Cat Type Thinkers child feels stifled and controlled, and the less they conform, the harder hand the Dog Type Thinker parent tries to apply to make their conformity a reality. The harder the parent tries to “guide1” the Cat Type Thinkers child, the more the Cat Type Thinkers angers.
Criminal profiles
A person who kills their entire family and then themselves is the Dog Type Thinker. A person who goes on a killing rampage spurred by a religious ideal is the Dog Type Thinker, a Cat Type Thinkers kills for sexual kicks. A rapist can be either, but with a different motivation: the Dog Type Thinker tries to teach a “cold” woman how to feel sexual desire and a Cat Type Thinkers has simply decided not to care about that person’s right to self-govern their body. The former type is more common. Rape and murder is more likely a Cat Type Thinkers, but the Dog Type Thinker leaves their victim alive (because they think they had every right and practically did their victim a favor).
A pedophile is more likely to be a Cat Type Thinkers, but a child-molester is the Dog Type Thinker. The Dog Type Thinker, in terms of child-sex crimes, are much more common than the Cat Type Thinkers. A kidnapper is more than likely the Dog Type Thinker and their victim is a family member or a former friend or a lover. An the Cat Type Thinkers is more likely bank robber or a criminal with political aspirations. An the Cat Type Thinkers may wind up unwittingly as a cult leader, but any crimes committed within that cult are the Dog Type Thinker’s doing. The jealous ex who does X to their former partner as revenge or a desperate bid to get them back is the Dog Type Thinker.
A teenager who kills his parents are more than likely a Cat Type Thinkers. In fact, any child-killing their own parents at any age is more than likely a Cat Type Thinkers and the parents are the Dog Type Thinker who failed to allow that child grow up and leave the nest in a real way. (Meddling parents.) A the Dog Type Thinker child wouldn’t see the sense in killing their parent, but a parent who kills their own children are the Dog Type Thinker. (Infant killing and illegal abortions are done by a Cat Type Thinkers.) Illegal circumcisions are the Dog Type Thinker’s doing unless the patient themselves has requested it, which can be either.
Drugs are mainly a Cat Type Thinkers crime, but drug cartels and -families are definitely the Dog Type Thinker thing. Mafia is the Dog Type Thinker scene, and if there’s a whistleblower family member that leads to actual arrests in the family, it is a Cat Type Thinkers. A drug dealer that traps people into courier jobs or similar is the Dog Type Thinker. An the Cat Type Thinkers may deal drugs but never traps anyone into the criminal act. An the Cat Type Thinkers commits crimes with full awareness of their doing, while the Dog Type Thinker can be turned to it by the company they keep. A the Dog Type Thinker can also be groomed into a crime, while a Cat Type Thinkers more than likely cannot be, unless there’s a lot of money and an intellectual challenge involved. The Dog Type Thinker commit crimes in order to find themselves a tribe, family, or a bit of status.
A person who turns themselves in is more than likely a Cat Type Thinkers, but they do it coldly directly after the crime has been committed. A the Dog Type Thinker may turn themselves in due to family pressure to do so. An the Cat Type Thinkers is unlikely to snitch on their friends, but the Dog Type Thinker will snitch if a deal and a level of saving face is offered in return. An the Cat Type Thinkers will only snitch on people who they feel deserve it (it’s the right thing to do by the community), but the Dog Type Thinker, in this situation, is not a loyal friend.
How are the Dog Type Thinker and the Cat Type Thinkers Good People
The the Dog Type Thinker are good people because they want to include everyone equally into their social circles. In this sense, they should be considered the Cat Type Thinkers, really. They go to lengths to make everyone feel welcome, whether they know how to do it or not. They don’t give up on people too easily, and they don’t discriminate between people’s backgrounds, only their current culture. They’ll always allow anyone who conforms to their ways to become a part of their community – but the inclusion process requires full conformity.
This is where the Cat Type Thinkers and the Dog Type Thinker kind of see eye-to-eye. We all, regardless of faction, want to conform to a society OF OUR CHOOSING. However, the Dog Type Thinker choose the one that is geographically closest to them, while the Cat Type Thinkers choose a community that is ideologically closest to them. Once they’ve chosen the community, both types want to conform to it to the best of their ability.
the Cat Type Thinkers are good people because their focal point is not limited to those who are immediately around them, but they consider their actions on a global level, and take an active interest in how their own actions affect the rest of the world. The Dog Type Thinker do this too, under the pressure of the woke-culture, because not doing it would make them a pariah or a persona non-grata, but the Cat Type Thinkers raise the expectation for the Dog Type Thinker to be considerate of everyone globally, but this comes naturally to the Cat Type Thinkers. They don’t feel pressured into it but naturally inclined to do so. On a local level, however, the Dog Type Thinker are better people, they take care of those who are nearest, while the Cat Type Thinkers focus on people they don’t even know or want to know, really, for the sake of humanity rather than for the sake of the local community. Both types are needed.
It is the Cat Type Thinkers who offers help to someone in need, even if they don’t know that person. A the Dog Type Thinker offers help only when they feel they can strike a personal friendship with them – or to further their stance in their community as a charitable person. Still, if you talk about your family, the Dog Type Thinker are the ones who take care of the sick, the weak, and the weary, they organize Christmasses, Thanksgivings, and neighborhood barbeques, weddings, and funerals.
Try to coerse a Cat Type Thinkers to do one thing for their sister’s wedding, and you wind up going yourself if you’re the Dog Type Thinker. 🙂 Still, the emotional and romantic the Cat Type Thinkers will be the one delivering a heart-warming speech at the wedding, and grant you that, the Dog Type Thinker thinks that’s fake and pretentious, considering that this same the Cat Type Thinkers was nowhere to be found when the wedding was being organized. The the Cat Type Thinkers, tho, are so unpractical, that they leave the organization work to those who enjoy it and who knows how to do it. Speaking of weddings tho, the Dog Type Thinker can be trusted to ruin a Cat Type Thinkers couple’s wedding by completely hi-jacking the preparations and ignoring every wish the couple might have for their own wedding, because the Dog Type Thinker don’t want that wedding to turn into a circus, but be worthy of the couple and their love… 😉
I know you have your perspective
Whether you agree with the Dog Type Thinker or the Cat Type Thinkers on the description of a narcissist, you will have one by now. You are free to keep that opinion as you want and live accordingly. I fully believe that the Dog Type Thinker and the Cat Type Thinkers should be kept somewhat distant from one another as they don’t really play nice together. There are several reasons why the Cat Type Thinkers may feel a severe need to distance themselves from the Dog Type Thinker, which might be good for everyone concerned.
The two most important factors in any successful relationship is the same base type and similar level IQ. This enables the partners to understand each other and work together as a couple. It will also reduce the chance of non-fitting children being born to a couple with a miss-match personality streak. (This is true both genetically and spiritually speaking.) If one parent is the Dog Type Thinker and the other is a Cat Type Thinkers, the child will always have only one parent that they naturally fit in with, and the other may cause irreparable damage to the child by trying to love them the best they can. If both parents are one type, the chances of the child to be a matching personality is a lot bigger. In addition, the child, whichever type they are, will find it easier to deal with his or her parents if they are the same type, and thus, in unison communicating well with each other at least.
the Dog Type Thinker understand the word “guide” as: “Decide on a destination and show me the route for me.” An the Cat Type Thinkers understands the word “guide” as: “Give me suggestions of possible destinations and once I know where I want to go, give me suggestions as to how do I get there. At the end of the day, I’ll make a choice myself, and I’ll take the responsibility of getting there or failing to get there.” ↩
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
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