How not to get unnecessarily/accidentally raped. (Don’t hit on men you don’t want to sleep with.)

I’m not saying that rape is a woman’s fault. What I’m saying is that a woman can be so naive she casts an innocent guy as a rapist. I’m saying you shouldn’t be so naive that you turn normal men into rapists.

This is what your mom should have taught you:

There are women who seek sexual relations with men who they don’t know. (Don’t be so naive you don’t think there is.)

Don’t flirt with men who you don’t intend to sleep with. Men have every right to assume that if you flirt with them and also NOT TELL THEM you don’t want sex yet or ever, they have every right to assume you want sex. Women do seek sex with men, and those of us who want flirting to lead to sex DO NOT LIKE IT when a guy has to confirm verbally, “Do you really want to do this? Are you absolutely certain you want sex with me now? Swear on it!” It really spoils the mood, you know? Normal adult women don’t want to be treated like naive, clueless little girls before sex.

DO NOT ASSUME grown heterosexual women who are not sexually traumatized do not seek sex with men. Also, don’t assume they want a dinner and a movie to do so. If you act just like these women, don’t be surprised he concludes you want sex. (Don’t act like a trollop if you wish to pretend you’re not one. You can’t have your cake and eat it too… Actually, you can. This is why I write this post because women can now act like sluts and then act like pure, innocent virgins when men take the bait. Just like men shouldn’t rape, women shouldn’t trap innocent men into destroying their lives for one lousy shag.)

There are women who want sex with men. They’re called heterosexuals and bisexuals.

Don’t fall into the trap of believing that men should know NO SELF-RESPECTING WOMAN wants to sleep with them on a first date or outside marriage. There are plenty of women who don’t even ask his name before sleeping with him. Don’t blame grown men for knowing this by personal experience.

There are men who get surprised by this. A woman sleeps with them and then doesn’t give them a phone number. Laughs at him when he asks. Don’t act like you might be one of those women. Or do, if your motivation is to “fuck him over in return.” This, at least, is a fair game. (You just have to be a good fuck to get your revenge.)

If you fear your rapist won’t like you if you tell him no, he’s not your rapist.

If you rather be liked by someone than tell him you don’t want sex, he’s not a rapist. You won’t care whether a potential rapist likes you or not. If you choose to put out over being disliked, that’s consent right there.

You have to say no and fuck off before deciding “he’d get angry.”

If you have not TRIED to refuse sex, you have no right to say he wouldn’t stop and he raped you. No matter how afraid you were, because your fear is not his responsibility. If he did NOTHING TO THREATEN YOU and you’re still afraid of him, that’s on you (or your parents), not on this guy who stumbled on an androphobist.

Not all women are afraid of men. Men don’t assume you fear him when he’s been nothing but friendly to you.

You are ALLOWED TO SAY NO. Men COUNT ON YOU TO REFUSE SEX IF YOU DON’T WANT IT.

There is ONE THING that is ALWAYS left on women in sexual relations: Consent. You can sit silently at a dinner table he pulled your chair on, you can let him pay the bill, drive you home, do all the talking, and make all the moves to make all of this happen, but there is ONE THING YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR: REJECTING HIM IF YOU DON’T WANT HIM. You have the right to say no, no matter how nice he’s been, you have a RESPONSIBLITY to inform him you don’t want sex with him if you don’t, OR you are responsible for him believing you did, and you have no right to call him a rapist if he didn’t know you didn’t want him.

(99% of #meToo cases I read was about this very thing. She made no effort to inform a man she didn’t wish to sleep with him, but acted like she did, albeit perhaps taking the passive role in the relationship.)

Just because some women are sexually passive, doesn’t mean they don’t want sex!!!

Don’t assume that the fact you are not directly encouraging sex will be enough to signal to the man that he’s not wanted. Some women are sexually very passive, and they WANT him to do all the work. This makes them feel sexually alluring “I don’t even have to do anything” and they like it that way MUCH MORE than having to constantly encourage a man to see them as a sexual object.

Don’t assume a man knows he’s not welcome to go ahead if you don’t tell him to stop.

If you’re in danger of getting raped, it’s your job to spoil the fucking mood!!

Rape is a BIG WORD to use of a situation where you were penetrated without you feeling like it. Not every situation where you sleep with a man without really wanting to is a rape. If you decide to go along with it even though you don’t really want to, and he doesn’t pick up on this, it’s not a rape. (It’s more like a marriage, haha. Kidding. Obviously, kidding. Kinda. Anyway.) Women put out all the time. It’s normal. Sometimes we just figure his pleasure means something for us and we want him to have fun even though we’re not currently feeling super excited. It’s not always about our pleasure, you know?

If you don’t care about his pleasure, if you really don’t want him to enjoy your body right now, it is your job to inform him NOW, not report him to the police later on. Choosing to put out is up to you, but you don’t get to turn that decision around later on. Some responsibility for his well-being and future is on you, too.

This doesn’t save you from actual rapists, but at least it won’t turn innocent men into rapists due to your naivety and androphobia.

Following these rules won’t save you from actual rapists, as they are, you know, rapists, and don’t care whether they “should” or “should not” rape. However, hopefully this saves men from your naivety.

Be responsible. Say no when you don’t want it.

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