To kick this off, here are some examples of the Old Souls* and the Young Soul* thinking patterns and interpretations that makes them feel pushed into a box:

the Old Souls* want to evolve. They want to achieve things, be great, be admired, and be loved for the great things that they are and can do. “I admire you” to them, feels “I love you”. They want to be accepted into a group by merit, not by mercy and work for always earning the right to call themselves a member of that group. They hold themselves responsible for their own mistakes: If I wrong you, I will leave. They will rarely, if ever, ask for a second chance. They will rarely only need one or want one. “One chance is all I need. One chance is all anyone deserves.” First, I will become great, and ask if I am good enough to be accepted by you, by your standards. Then, I will work to remain that great and aim to never let you down – not once.

the Young Soul* want to survive. They want to know they are safe, that they are being taken care of, and that they are loved despite their flaws, weaknesses, and failures. They want to be accepted into a group and know they will never be thrown out of it. They hold the group or their partner responsible for their own mistakes: If I wrong you, it is because you didn’t give me clear instructions! “I always deserve a second chance, everyone does.” (There’s never a third chance because the slate is always wiped clean after the first mistake is recorded. ALL relationships are virtually unbreakable, and there is never a mistake big enough to warrant a full break up, apart from risking the physical safety of the persons involved.) First, I will ask for acceptance. Then, I will work towards becoming what you want from me.

That is where we begin unravelling this mess that is involved in EVERYTHING that we do socially and as a society.

the Young Soul* – safety (commitment), the Old Souls* – deep intellectual connection

Now, because the Young Soul* seek safety from other people, they do not put any value on greatness, philosophy, high values, talent, intelligence or such things, that are sort of extra or a luxury in terms of survival, they want practical, tried and tested, safe solutions to ensure further safety for all. “Safety” is the most beautiful world in their language. Their ultimate form of love is something along the lines of “I will take care of you, and you don’t have to prove to be anything special for me to do this! You won’t be alone and you won’t die alone, I promise! It doesn’t matter if you are not the kind of a person I am looking for, I will teach you to be what I want you to be, if you are uncertain!”

To a Old Souls*, this is an ultimate insult and also the most uninspiring proposition they could possibly hear. To them, survival is not an issue, even if they would completely agree that basic survival of the individual should be guaranteed by a civilized society, but they are not worried about the lack of it nearly as much as the Young Soul*. They do not worry about death or loneliness, they don’t care if they will ever speak to another human being in their lives, as long as they are working towards something that they find value in. They do not care about money as a means to survive apart from the bare minimum, but they still may become unfathomably wealthy, for the fun of it, and for the challenge of it, but never as a fundamental necessity. Finances, business, and work, to them, is a game they play; a sport, something to do for fun. They take personal risks because their life is a game. (This can have bad side effects because they rarely notice how much other people worry about their survival. Check out this post about investment banking from the Young Soul*/the Old Souls* thinking modes.)

Therefore, their love relationships are based on companionship, equality, similar goals, mutual understanding, respect, and admiration. Money never becomes a part of it unless they marry the Young Soul* who makes money a part of it. (Money can play a part in sexual context, but it is NEVER about the love itself to a Old Souls*.) The ultimate form of love, to a Old Souls*, is thus: “I admire everything that you are, I love everything that you do, you are the embodiment of perfection that I have seen, I respect you, I adore you, I devote my life in your service; I am yours, you are free to have me or to reject me, and I will always love you even if you rejected me.” Abandonment, to the Young Soul*, kills their love for that person, for they violated the first rule: We will always stay together. That is the only reason the Young Soul* create relationships; for the safety, to KNOW FOR SURE, that someone will stay with them forever. To the Young Soul*, this is not about the personality of the other person, this is about a commitment. If a person leaves them, they prove to the Young Soul* they had NO VALUE to begin with, because your only value is whether you stay with them or not, nothing else matters about you. Being left doesn’t affect the love of the Old Souls*, and they are completely open to the possibility of being left or leaving another person, should the partnership, in any way, harm or endanger the happiness of the other person. They believe solitude is always the safer option to a bad partnership, the exact opposite to the Young Soul*, who think sticking together is always better than being alone.

An Old Soul* vs. The Young Soul* partners will never make both partners happy

In a relationship between a Old Souls* and the Young Soul*, there is NO POSSIBLE WAY to make both of these people happy at the same time, because their mode of love is completely opposite to each other. Other person’s love is the other person’s insult, and for as long as they are happy, they are still under the illusion the other person feels the same way about the other. An Old Soul* hates people who love them for the money and safety they offer, and the Young Soul* cannot love for any other reason or in any other way. What is telling, I had an argument with my the Young Soul* thinking mother. I accused her for not ever having loved me, not ever having liked me, and that sort. She replied, and I kid you not, the Old Souls*, THIS is what she said to me: “Well we have always loved you more than your brother!” What she meant was that they had always given me more money than to my brother who is completely self-reliant financially speaking. For a Old Souls*, that one sentence contained an insult on top of an insult, and it was intended as reassurance that everything is fine. For the Young Soul*, love is what you do for another person, not what you feel for them.

the Young Soul* and the Old Souls* also collaborate differently. This can be seen in household chores and everything they do together. A Young Soul* always wants to emphasise the unity. WE are doing this. An Old Soul* wants to emphasise the individual: I am doing this WITH YOU. You COULD choose not to do this with me, but we CHOSE to do this together, and that is wonderful. A Young Soul* doesn’t feel that choice: We are a couple, therefore, we do things together, and if we are NOT doing things together, we fail to be a good couple and that sucks.

Also, to the Young Soul*, doing ANYTHING is always a social event, not a chore. If the dishes need to be made, the Young Soul* wants the dishes to be made together as a couple or a family, even if they were much faster and easier done by one individual. If the Young Soul* asks a Old Souls* to do something, the assumption is, by default (unless they’ve learned not to expect it) to do something TOGETHER. “Can you drill a hole for me?” means, “Can you drill a hole for me while I watch and make comments so you don’t have to do it alone.” A Young Soul* always wants to include everyone in every task and every moment in their lives, and if something cannot directly be DONE together, they want to be TALKING ABOUT DOING IT:

A new the Young Soul* mother passes the baby over to the new happy father. She instructs him to “Hold the head properly.” She didn’t notice whether he did or did not hold the head properly, but he feels the redundant instruction as a direct criticism to how he is holding the baby’s head. An Old Soul* mother would have never said that, not in a million years, because she doesn’t think her husband is an idiot. Now, a Old Souls* doesn’t make remarks like that unless something is seriously wrong. (He might overlook this remark simply because “we’re both new at this”, but when similar remarks about handling the baby keep on coming months on, this is certainly how he will be feeling:) “What am I doing wrong? What am I missing here? I cannot do anything right!” To the Young Soul*, this conversation isn’t about whether or not the Old Souls* is doing something wrong or right, it is just them making a conversation about what the Old Souls* is doing. It should mean nothing more than birds singing in a tree.

When a Old Souls* feels continually criticised by the Old Souls* social remarks of what they are doing, the Old Souls* starts thinking themselves incredibly stupid, because they can’t find flaw in what they are doing, and they can’t seem to be able to make improvements that would satisfy the Young Soul* and shut them up, because the remarks keep on coming. The Old Souls* takes each one of them to heart while the Young Soul* doesn’t mean half of them, if any, as an actual instruction, they simply need to keep talking, in order to tell the other that they are there for them if they are needed… No matter what.

Suggestions and criticism

the Young Soul* do not criticise others. Ever. Not in reality. The Old Souls* criticise each other and themselves ALL THE TIME, but never out loud unless asked to, or unless it is absolutely vital to say something to prevent a pending disaster. (So instructing a Old Souls* thinking dad on how to hold the baby, to them sounds like: “IF YOU DO NOT HOLD THAT BABY RIGHT, YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HER, YOU FIRST GRADE MORON AND A USELESS DAD!”) They also HATE criticism for this reason because it means they didn’t notice something VITALLY IMPORTANT that they should have noticed, and that can make them feel very uncomfortable; they could  have killed someone without realising, and that can make them very insecure: “if I didn’t notice THAT, WHAT ELSE am I missing?! I thought I was smart, and she keeps instructing me on how to hold the head – that’s basic shit!!” Now… When they ask for critique, they do actually want it. They feel overwhelmed by a task and they want someone to watch their back on how they are doing. They don’t often ask for criticism, but when they do ask for it, they want it. They might be uncertain about stuff that doesn’t matter to them much, such as what color shirt to choose, and because stuff like this SEEMS to be important to the Young Soul* (it is not, it’s simply conversation) they often ask for input in choosing shirts and the like, just to make sure they are dressed properly. (The chances are that any the Young Soul*, male or female, will give terrible suggestions, confusing a Old Souls* male even further.)

If a Old Souls* female gives you her opinion about what to wear, She Means It. She also is certain she knows how you should dress better than you do, because fashion is important to her personally – more so than to you, and she doesn’t take that for given because you’re a male and she’s a female, a Old Souls* female might be clueless about fashion, and she would then, tell you to choose your own shirt because she hasn’t got a freaking clue. If she has got an opinion, she knows exactly what, for what occasion, and for what reason you should choose a certain shirt, and why she should wear a certain dress. The Young Soul* female won’t have a clue. To the Young Soul*, this is a social thing, and she doesn’t even know why it should matter, so she picks whatever, and thinks it doesn’t matter. As a Old Souls* dress maker, I shudder at the sight of watching my countrymen and women parade their fashion choices on the Independence Day ball as guests to the Finnish president, completely clueless about the etiquette and what they SHOULD HAVE chosen… But didn’t because they thought this was merely a social event. You can clearly see the Young Soul* female and a Old Souls* female when they walk into an important event such as this. Shocking.

So, when the Young Soul* asks if a dress makes her look fat, the Old Souls* will answer honestly – unless he has seen enough public awareness posts on Facebook along to warn him from ever doing this! A Young Soul*, again, was simply making conversation. When the Young Soul* insists on taking out every piece of clothing they own and ask their partner to choose the one they like best, they don’t actually mean a word of it, this is all just a method of engaging you into a social event, and being friendly and accommodating. The Old Souls*, however, thinks: “Oh God she is insecure! Why can’t she just make up her mind? Why do I have to be a witness to this? Just pick a dress!” What is also telling, she is not after his input, really, this is just her being social, all the while the Old Souls*’s nerves are getting shot, and her mood worsens, because he can’t play along (“why does he have to be so mean about this?” To her, they are playing dress up.) “What am I supposed to get out of this?” would be the Old Souls* thinking question, that I will have to admit would stump me at this stage, as a Old Souls*. After a short ponder, I would have to say she thinks you will not feel lonely and left out while she is choosing a dress, and because this is a very feminine event, she feels you would feel left out if she didn’t include you to this event of choosing her dress. The same way, she would want you to keep asking her opinion for drilling holes when in fact she expects you to make up your own mind about it… Her insistence in giving you suggestions of new holes, however, probably would result in a very holy wall and a very angry (unholy) husband. (I think you’re supposed to just ignore her remarks. “That is funny, darling” is probably the best thing you could say in a situation like that.)

Mind you, a dress up game with a grown up woman, to a Old Souls* thinking husband in the 1930’s would have been charming; after all, women were supposed to be a little child-like, and the Old Souls* man would have thought: “oh isn’t she great pretending to be so sweet and innocent!” – social decorum!

the Old Souls* have complex social rules the Young Soul* have trouble following

The Young Soul* are always eager to please. They want to fit into a group and will do anything to be included. Now… The Old Souls*, they have a very complex set of rules that they use in order to choose their closests friends. They are well aware of their own complexities and how difficult it is to fill their needs, so they tend to lower their bar for the people they interact with a lot, but they simply can’t really consider these people their equal, and that makes them a little fake friends. They might like them a lot, and sort of…  Find them entertaining and cute, but they simply wouldn’t consider them real friends.

When the Young Soul* asks them how they should be in order to be the right way, the Old Souls* may TRY to enlighten the Young Soul* of the rules the Old Souls* lives by. (This will easily give them a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis, both thinker types can get it though, but this is where the Old Souls* will be misdiagnosed.) So, the Old Souls* starts educating the Young Soul* on how to reach the standard the Old Souls* has for a friend or a spouse or whatever. This can be done in the manner of “well if you insist” or as “well you want to know, don’t you?” The Young Soul* is eager to learn, because this is how they work: You have rules, I will fill them… But the Old Souls* rules are usually WAY TOO COMPLICATED for the Young Soul* to wrap their minds around them, so the Old Souls* is never really satisfied, and there’s always another rule, and another situation where the other rule no longer applies, and the trick is that most rules always comes as a scale of balance: This, but not too much, because if you over do it, then it becomes that, and that’s no longer good. The Young Soul* will feel tricked and baited, and she (or he) feels the rules keep CHANGING all the time, and that the Old Souls* is making them up as he goes.

In history, social decorum would be about these rules. The upper class would have the most complex of rules, and you simply had to know them or you would be considered common. (The test was failed.) The Old Souls* finds these types of rules fun. They dance around the social decorum, they flirt between the lines, they insult others without a direct word and only the ones who know the tightest of rules can follow this conversation. They can insult people out loud without that person even being aware that they’ve been mocked, and to a Old Souls* who is in their own element, this is absolute brilliant fun. Therefore… When someone is laughing nearby, they are always a little concerned they have made a social blunder and that they are the cause of the laughter nearby. (There is always a price to pay for every bit of fun, isn’t there? 🙂 )

Usually, when the Young Soul* asks for a Old Souls* to include them in their world or to explain to them how to be or what to do or whatever, the Old Souls* simply refuses to help or to try and explain. This is simply because what the Young Soul* is asking is actually too complicated to learn during one life time sometimes, but IF a Old Souls* does try and teach, they try it from the belief it wasn’t that difficult for me, why would it be difficult for you… But… It would be easier to memorize the first 300 000 digits of the pi than get inside the head of the average the Old Souls* without a ready apptitude of doing so.

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