How to become self-confident?
Stop lying to yourself.
That’s step number one. You are aware of every time you tell yourself a lie, and every time you try to convince yourself of a lie, you know your life is based on one more. That’s no way to live.
Stop allowing others to lie to you.
You don’t have to contest everything everyone says, but you have to NOT BELIEVE everything you’re told. Consider everything you’re told, believe nothing by default, and make up your mind later about everything.
Stop believing in “loudest and strongest,” and don’t go for the “popular opinion.”
There is the wisdom of the crowd, and then there’s the idiocy of the crowd. For as long as you make up your mind about what is the most popular or loudest of opinions, you’ll be adrift. Start thinking for yourself, starting from what you know for an absolute fact. If nothing else is a fact, think of this: “I sit here. I feel a solid seat under my ass.”
Know that stuff like “body positivity” can be both crap and a trap.
What sounds like a nice thing may be anything but. There is a good motivation to keep fat people fat, and that is that people, fit people in particular, prefer fit people. When you are being placated into accepting you’re fat and should find happiness in it – that’s one less competitor to the fit people. Kill the competition before they even step onto the starting line.
Fat is not GENETIC; your bad habits are inherited. THAT is why also your parents and siblings are fat; your habits are those of fat people. (How many generations back your family was normal weight on both sides? Genetic, my ass!)
Stop asking for compliments.
When you ask for a compliment, people will give them to you. They mean NOTHING. A compliment you had to ask for is worth absolutely fuck all. Worthless, worthless, worthless. It’s like asking people to lie to your face.
“How do I look?” is not asking for feedback; it’s asking for people to lie to you. “Do you love me?” Is another one begging for a lie to your face. Only positive comments given without prompting are worth keeping with you.
Stop making promises to yourself on other people’s behalf.
Other people don’t exist for your disposal. Stop making promises to yourself on other people’s behalf, particularly this one: “Deep down, he/she loves me.” That’s a recipe for a massive disappointment. Only trust promises that are made earnestly, and stop pressuring people to make promises because they’ll more than likely realize you and your love doesn’t mean as much to them as you wish it did.
Stop expecting everything for nothing.
Now, self-confident people are not entitled. They’ve taken it for a given that if you want something, you have to give something. Only babies are important without contributing anything to anyone; we don’t know WHICH ONE of them will become an important person, therefore, they’re all important. Importance is what you can give to other people. You can only be important if you are a giver. You decide what you give to this world, but you have to give something to be worth more than just a pile of shit your mom dropped out of her arse one day. A pile of shit that keeps consuming resources, at that.
Stop expecting your worth should be a given. You are nothing until you are something. Stop thinking otherwise.
Know that loser friends want you to be the bigger loser so they’ll look better next to you.
Don’t think losers are better friends than winners are. Winners tend to want you to win, too, sometimes even win bigger than you. Winners enjoy winners, and they want to make more of them. Losers want their friend to be a bigger loser so a) they don’t have to try any harder themselves, and they can always point a finger at you being even bigger loser, and b) They’ll look good in comparison. You’re there only to make them look better. Don’t think otherwise.
Losers are also bad friends for a winner who doesn’t DEMAND them to try harder: they’re not there for anything but crumbs off the winner’s table and a free social status upgrade.
Don’t confuse what you are for who you are.
What you are is external; who you are is internal. Don’t confuse the two. Never seek for love that exists only for what you are instead of who you are. Narcissists** love what you are; healthy people love you for who you are.
Who you are has an external expression. If who you are and what you are are in conflict, the truth is in who you are instead of what you are.
See how Nuno Bettencourt answered the question “who are you” with the most delicious confusion; the expected answer, probably was “I’m the guitarist of Extreme” but he’s a healthy person, and doesn’t answer the question “who” with a “what,” at least, not comfortably. The true answer would have required a minimum of 8-hour segment. :p (Speaking of which, self-confident people are not ALWAYS comfortable, especially when another person is being very awkward.)
It is also always much more FUN to answer the question “WHO are you,” rather than “What are you,” but it is a long-form question, not fit for a short segment. (To be fair, this is a Finnish interview, and the question of “Who are you” is directly translated from Finnish, a question which to a Finnish expresses very general curiosity rather than the much more clearly defined who/what of the English language, but I love the confusion he shows being attacked by such a personal question out of nowhere.)
Stop expecting EVERYONE to love/like/accept you.
Look. Johnny Depp is probably the most loved individual in this world, and even he has a band of devoted haters. Stop expecting yourself to be the one fucking Unicorn in this world that everybody will fucking love and celebrate. NOBODY is loved by everybody. Not Volodymyr Zelenskyy, not Barrack Obama, not Nuno Bettencourt… and notice that when loved-by-everybody people are listed, they tend to be… MALE. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, man-haters… and if you’re currently a man self-identifying as a woman because you think only women are loved, think the fuck again. Men are currently hated because they are SO FUCKING IMPRESSIVE and difficult to compete with – the hate isn’t real; it’s envy. ENVY, not jealousy, envy.
That said; stop thinking you’re only worthy of fake love.
While nobody is loved and celebrated by everybody, everybody is also loved for who they are by somebody. And that’s enough. Even if it’s just one person, one person is enough. Two maybe better, but one is enough.
Stop explaining things away by using “they’re just jealous”.
No. More than likely, that is NOT the answer. It can be, but it is very unlikely people ever use that explanation in the correct place. More than likely they genuinely do not envy you but they freaking wish they had even one small reason to.
Base your worldview on the truth and nothing else.
Nothing in this world has value unless it’s true… Except for a sexual fantasy. THE only thing that doesn’t suffer from it not being based on the truth is an orgasm. Prove me wrong. Everything else suffers from a lie or untruth.
The more you lie to yourself about life, the more your self-confidence will suffer. It’s like knowing you drew yourself a map to an area you’ve never visited or seen in pictures, and now, you’re navigating your way with a piece of map that is an absolute hoax, and try to will yourself into trusting your shitty imaginary map. No wonder you’re feeling a little insecure!
TRUTH. Nothing else matters.
Now. Your feet are on the ground. You can build here.
Once your feet are firmly on the ground, this is where you lay your foundation: On the ground. Solid. Truth.
Subscribe to get a Daily Message
*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
© 2001-2024 Copyright Sebastyne - CRC-32 ecd1f512. - All rights reserved.