How to break up with the Normal Person* effectively?

It may be very difficult for a Savant* to drive the message home to the Normal Person* that the relationship is over. It’s actually not that difficult, in the end… It’s just that the Savants* don’t like to be rude, cold, or uncaring about their breakups, therefore, everything that the Normal Person* understands as a breakup, to the Savants* sounds simply childish and rude, and they really don’t like to do this.

To be fair, the Savants*’ way of breaking up is cold and rude to the Normal Person*, therefore, this is gentler to the Normal Person*, and if you truly want out, you’ll do whatever it takes.

Negotiate divorce already when you’re thinking about it

For as long as you are not sure if you want a divorce or not, discuss it and negotiate it. Savants* like to mull this over by themselves, and then, they try and deliver their ready-made resolution with their partner. Savants* never deliberate a breakup from a girlfriend or a boyfriend for long, but a divorce is a bit more complicated. This, to a Normal Person* comes out of the blue and as a shock. (And to be fair, it would do so with another Savant*, too.)

When you start feeling that you might have made a mistake marrying your partner, bring it up with them. Be honest at this stage. Discuss it while you are still trying to wrap your own mind around it. Don’t focus on emotions or concepts such as “I don’t think I’m in love with you” but rather “I find it frustrating we cannot both enjoy heavy metal.” Basically, focus on the small things, rather than the big emotional lacks. Words like “connection,” “chemistry,” or “compatibility” mean very little to a Normal Person*, male or female.

The Normal Person* is not sensitive about these things. They are very pragmatic about relationships. They want FUNCTIONAL, not passionate. Therefore, if you don’t think it’s FUNCTIONING for you, they’ll be quite fine with it. Always use a pragmatic, practical, matter-of-fact tone of voice rather than an emotional tone with a Normal Person* when discussing upsetting things.

ANNOUNCE: Do not discuss divorce

Once you are SURE you want to get divorced, announce it as a non-negotiable. Don’t “THINK” you want a divorce; KNOW it. If you “discuss it” the Normal Person* thinks there’s a chance of making it work, whereas the Savants* feel closure is important, and to them, this means that it is important for them to know HOW they caused the breakup to happen, NOT to try and make their partner change their mind about it. The Savants* want to learn from their mistakes, Normal People* don’t make mistakes they cannot fix… The way they see it.

If you have discussed your feelings before, this won’t come as a massive surprise. You can possibly still move forward rationally. However, if you didn’t open up about thinking about divorcing, now is where you pay the price by having to be brutally cold and like a stone wall toward them. Do not explain, do not discuss, simply announce you’re getting a divorce, you have your reasons, and that’s final. And you’ll have to be prepared to cut all ties as it is. I don’t recommend this approach in any situation, especially if you have mutual children. You married that person,so  you might as well include them in your divorce plans.

Negotiate the terms of the divorce or breakup early

When you start talking about divorce, already discuss the ways you might want to go about it in practicality. What do you tell your mutual friends and your families? How to make sure both of you walk out with a clean slate. How do you handle the children if you have some?

Let them save face

The only thing the Normal Person* truly worries about during a breakup is that they’re going to lose face for it. If you want an amicable divorce make sure you don’t make them look bad, and insist they do the same for you.

This will reassure your future ex that they don’t have to worry about you talking viciously about them behind their back and ruining their reputation for it. However, the Normal Person*/the Savant* breakups are rarely clean because the way each type goes about it is so different by their nature. Still, the Savants* are able to alter their behavior based on a situation once they understand the other person’s perspective, but the same isn’t really true for the Normal Person*… I don’t think.

If they seem reluctant to do it, approach the matter like a parent.

If your partner seems insecure or reluctant to move forward, simply take a parental approach to the situation. Find them a new place, make sure they’re set up, they’ve got a job, maybe even find them a new partner or new friends, and make sure they feel secure moving on without you. Use every ounce of love you’ve ever felt for this person to set them up for a life without you in order to liberate yourself from them.

Just remember to “write yourself out of their life story” as you do it, both in the narrative to their friends and practically so you won’t be the person mowing their lawn 20 years on, unless you really feel it’s the least you can do. Maybe renegotiate your role in their life from a spouse to a close, good friend, and liberate yourself to a new relationship rather than go for a full end of relationship.

Forgive yourself for the divorce’s beauty flaws.

We’re not perfect. We’ll say things, do things, and yell things that we might have been better off not to. The good thing about Normal People* is that they don’t carry a grudge. That’s for Savants*. Normal People* LOVE forgiveness. If you’ve yelled at them, been cruel or dismissive of their fears and needs, don’t worry about it. You can always go back to a Normal Person*, ask for forgiveness, and try again.

Even if you didn’t need to go that far, errors are human. Just rehash a plan and try to be better.

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