How to know true friends from those who are taking advantage?

The chances are you are following the rule that if they never mention money or would never take money from you if you offered, they are a good friend.

Not true.

There are more stuff to take from you other than money. Good fortune, fame, popularity, prestige, “cool” and all things worth lying for can rub off on you even by association to your good name alone, even if there was no money exchanging hands. There are people who seek the company of popular people, simply to be seen with them, and to be associated with them – your beauty rubs off on them, your famous/popular/talented friends will become their friends – in a sense, if you open the door to the wrong person, you might not be the one being taken advantage of, but someone who you really care and value, because they know that if you are friends with this person, then they must be a good person, right? Are you a stepping stone or the final destination?

One simple question is this: Do you love them? Truly? Do you love who they are as a person and what they stand for? Note what I am NOT asking you: I am not asking you if you think you should love this person or if you think they deserve to be loved or if you think that they are worthy of your love, I am asking you whether you do or not. Simple as that. Do you or do you not love them?

If you don’t, answer this question next: Why not? Be honest and fearless in your observation, list everything that you dislike about them and you’ll quickly come to the conclusion why they are not a true friend, or why you are not a true friend to them (nor have to be, you can’t force things like this).

Then; are you guilting yourself into this friendship? Are you telling yourself stuff like: “Well, you can’t base friendship on talent/intellect/fame” etc. whilst you wish you could have a proper conversation with them or that they weren’t constantly questioning why you have to be such a perfectionist and why you have to continually be working or something. I am telling you that yes you can. You can totally base a friendship on higher pursuits. You’d be stupid not to. You can still love a person and care for them even if they didn’t reach your intellectual level or the level of your talent or what not, but you don’t have to consider them your best friend. The people who you should be keeping close are people who you admire, respect and down right worship for who they are, and who you would give your left arm for (unless you’re a guitarist or something) simply to keep them doing what they do and keep them being who they are.

Friendship also has nothing to do with loyalty. Loyalty is inauthentic, it is your need to go against your natural instinct when your heart takes you to another direction. Fuck loyalty. Loyalty is something you demand of people who do not truly love you, and loyalty is something you rely on when you cannot trust authentic love to keep you together and on the same page. Screw loyalty. Trust people who are not loyal to you, but who simply love everything that you are and do. Loyalty is for people who are simply too afraid of you to not be loyal or are calculating their options and benefits in either being disloyal or loyal to you. Loyalty is the safety-condition to the moment when you no longer are friends or lovers. When you want to get out of it. Friends and lovers don’t need loyalty, because love already includes that, it is more fun to be with you and for you than to betray you – because you’re friends! If you want to put any value on loyalty; consider it a value to keep the former friends’ secrets even after you’re no longer friends – if they even deserve that much from you.

Love people who do not have a loyal bone in their body but who still adore you for a simple selfish need of enjoying the person who you are to the fullest, and who you feel the same way about. (Yes it can happen!) Loyalty is for people who would take a beating from you simply to prove they are loyal. Do you want to beat them up? If not, loyalty has no use to you, but it is a great thing to have in a partner you would gladly bash around a bit… Combined with the need to polish their exterior at your expense… You can abuse them to hell and back and they wouldn’t hiss a word. True friendship or true love? Neither, obviously. Loyalty is always breeding ground for abuse – one way or the other, or worse, both ways, so don’t ask or give loyalty. Ever. That’s the “don’t take people for granted” thing. Oddly enough, usually hissed by loyal people who simply want you to submit to your dominant role. (Get it?)

I feel a lot of moral ideals come from the need of the weak to control the strong. Humans have always wanted to harness the strong to their personal usage; horses, bulls, strong slaves, armies. They want to control the luminous people, make the popular people say things that are of benefit to the weak, and silence the rebellious strong and harness them to the service of the less virtuous. The people who have no issue with lying to your face, who feel no remorse in enslaving you but feel blinding anger when you refuse to be enslaved – and that is both the horrifying news and the good news. Guilt is the feeling of wanting to break free from others’ dominance, so every time you feel guilty, make damned sure you know you are not being taken advantage of.

Turn the other cheek, take the higher ground, ignore it, be better, be more virtuous, be polite and be patient. To what extent? So that the others would not need to be. You bend so they don’t have to.

Politeness is the practice of forcing more evolved people into ignoring another person’s flaws. Whatever you do, silently in your mind, don’t be polite anymore. Just see it for what it is. You have the right to observe your surroundings accurately in a realistic light. It is justified for you to see what you see and not edit out the inconvenient truths out of your consciousness. (And trust me you’re doing it even if you weren’t aware of it!) The worst part is that when you become so used to erasing people’s flaws from yourself, that when you meet someone flawless, you are afraid you are deceiving yourself not seeing any flaws. (And you just let someone perfect pass you by.)

There is NEVER a need for  you to try to talk yourself into being someone’s friend. If you don’t trust them, if you don’t want them around you, there is a damned good reason for it. A “friend” who bails you out when you’re down on your luck may well be your worst nightmare. That money wasn’t to get you back on your feet, that money was to buy your life, your endorsement, and your loyalty. A friend who stands by you to defend you from your enemies, may well be doing it only to impress the people you associate with. Don’t ignore the gut. Don’t silence your instincts. Love only when you love, and when you love, love strongly, with open eyes and an open heart, never close the other to protect the other.

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