How to Stop Trying So Hard, and the related psychological trap

If you wound up on this page, you are already aware that you need to stop trying so hard to be something or to do something or to achieve something. However, what you might not have noticed, is that you maybe trying too hard to stop trying too hard – and that is a bit of a mind-bender. Let me explain.

There are people who feel very strongly that people who try too hard to be better than others and to excel in what they do are annoying people and make everyone else’s life around them difficult. However, to some people – you might be one of them – stopping yourself from doing too much may feel a ton more difficult than trying to do enough.

You may feel this constant emotional push to stop trying so hard, but where it comes from is a different matter entirely.

You know how we are all emotionally linked to each other? When you feel somehow negative about what you are doing, people around you want to stop you from feeling negative. We feel negative when we feel we have to stop trying so hard, but not for the reason people around you think you feel bad. Deep down, everyone wants everyone to be happy, but they always tend to believe that what would make THEM happy is what would also make YOU happy, but that may not be the case. In some cases, stop trying too hard simply means you should stop stopping yourself from doing what feels natural to you, and what comes easy to you – but that may look a bit try hard to others around you.

Why you don’t need to stop trying so hard to get attention

We are conditioned to think that people don’t like show offs, but there is no way that is true. People LOVE show offs. The reason why, is that when one person rises into their full height, others feel they can stand up straight next to them without drawing too much attention to themselves – which is usually the reason why the show offy people tend to want to keep their head down, they want attention so much that they feel they’re just putting people into their shadow if they stand up too tall or, as they say, try too hard… But there are tons of people who feel comfortable having someone else be the center of the attention, so you’ll do them a favor by absorbing all the attention you can handle here.

Why it is safe for you to try harder to write the perfect piece of music

Most fledgling musicians would feel liberated to simply write a song, any song, doesn’t need to be that good, right? To just let it flow out of you and all that… But to some people, music is something more than just doing well enough, and to them, it is important to do what the first group of people cannot do. To some, to point out that not every musician needs to be Mozart is a relief, but for Mozart, writing something like Waltzing Matilda would have caused a considerable amount of emotional pain. So… Not everyone needs to be common or relaxed, “likable”, or “approachable”. Stop trying so hard to be reasonable. If you are not like others, you should just let yourself be as spectacular as you are…

And I know giving yourself the permission to be what you are can be just as difficult for someone who knows themselves to be exceptionally talented, as it is difficult for a common person to give themselves a permission to just be ordinary.

Always keep your attention on WHAT are you trying SO HARD to stop yourself from doing now.

Are you trying hard enough?!

Are you trying to stop yourself from chasing up people to read your blog (now where that idea came from?) or are you trying to stop yourself from being completely self-absorbed in your work, ignoring all the great things others are doing, maybe? (Hmm? Who me?) Do you feel like you’re ignoring the little people while chasing the company of people who will never(?) give you the time of their day? Are you obsessed with trying to stop yourself from working so hard on the thing that you think will make you a millionaire… Or what?

Whatever you are fighting AGAINST you have to stop doing. Stop trying so hard to stop trying.

Many times where ambitious people fail is that they are not ambitious enough. They are not being bold enough. They are letting their false modesty get the better of them, and they’re trying so hard to be a perfect person, that they are not trying hard enough to be the person they truly, in their heart of hearts, want to be.

It will take time to master this new way of thinking, and you’ll fall back into the feeling of feeling like you’re trying too hard to impress others, but when you try not to impress the people you want to impress, you’re sucking up to another group of people, the people who judge you for putting those other people on a pedestal… So… You might as well impress the people you want to impress and stop worrying about what your critics think about your pursuits and goals.

Stop trying to be modest and easy to get along with.

Be IMPOSSIBLE. Be difficult. Be annoying. Be a prick. Be whatever you need to be to feel like youre doing what you want to be doing rather than what you feel you ought to be doing.

Fuck ought to.

Fuck modesty.

Be incredible and let nice and likable people choke in your dust!

Subscribe to get a Daily Message