How true manipulation works: It’s not coercion, it’s giving you a false perception of reality itself.

Have you ever been in a situation where two children are playing, and suddenly one lashes out at the other, screaming, “STOP IT!” Now, you didn’t see anything, and the kid who got hit feigns innocence and starts crying. And, if you didn’t know CHILDREN do shit to irritate and poke the other one until they react, you’d think that kid is insane. Some adults STILL do this.

So, one person pokes at you or someone else behind someone’s back so that this person thinks the bullied person is losing their mind. Usually, the play is to make it seem so that the bullied party is either jealous, envious, sexually attracted to the wrong person, or just crazy paranoid.

Meanwhile, to you, this person is like the perfect angel. Mommy’s little darling, right? The one who is always better than the others. In adulthood, they’re likely to continue using that strategy in their relationships. “It wasn’t me; Whitney/Johnny did it, but they just won’t admit it!”

If you’ve known someone for a long time, you should probably think twice before believing they’re suddenly unable to control themselves around a new person.

That said, manipulation like this can be so subtle even the person getting irritated isn’t sure it is manipulation… They just know they are feeling rage and are unable to prove that someone is deliberately pushing their buttons. If they’re going to say something, they’ll appear petty or insane, right? THAT is manipulation. Not that someone tells you you shouldn’t like a person because they think they are this or that, while leaving you with that information to decide for yourself.

As for being the victim of button pushing, see if you can pretend to feel exactly as you’re expected to feel and perhaps ask for more… For instance, you’re a woman, and another woman moves in with you. Mother-in-law, sister-in-law, whatever. They’re going to start cleaning up after you already did, clean your closets, and criticize your wardrobe in order to “act helpful,” knowing full well that is somewhat of a no-no in a female-to-female relationship. Instead of getting angry, why don’t you make them clean up your whole house for you? “Honey, I don’t think I can see the stains in the windows properly. You being so quick and robust, would you mind doing them for me?” Get excited about fashion tips, and make them serve you until they find themselves bored with being better at everything than you are.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message