I accept everybody – unconditionally, without a question. But that is not love.

I may have to make this post personal just to save my own skin in some sense. I am someone who takes it for granted that everybody has the right to be who they authentically are, unconditionally. My entire theory here is based on the acceptance of everybody’s right to be who they are, without a question. The question isn’t so much do you have the right to be who you are, but who are you? But acceptance isn’t love. Acceptance is accepting your right to be who you are, whether I like you for it or not. Acceptance, for myself, is also accepting MY RIGHT to not like you or to not love you for who you are as a person, but I do accept your right to be disliked by me. You have the freedom in this world to be irksome to me.

But the truth is, nobody is truly irksome to me. I love everybody to an extent. I want everybody to be happy. But I do not consider myself personally responsible for anyone’s happiness. I do feel an obligation to HELP humanity to reach a higher level of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love, in their pursuit of happiness, and I take that as my defining life goal to aid everybody in their pursuit of happiness, which, I believe starts from the acceptance of everyone’s right to be who they truly are.

Acceptance is not the same thing as love

You can love someone on a personal level and not accept them as who they are as a person. This kind of love is toxic. It will lead to at least emotional violence. When you feel personal love toward someone who you simultaneously don’t accept for who they are, you are going to commit emotional violence toward them: “I love you but you have no right to be the kind of a person you are”. This is a brutal way of treating someone.

You may also accept someone for who they are, but still not feel an ounce of love toward them. Everybody should aim at this at the MINIMUM requirement for every person. You don’t have to LOVE anybody. You don’t have to LIKE anybody. But you HAVE TO accept their right to be who they are, their right to exist. Their right to not love you. Their right to piss you off royally. 😉 And you can even love that feeling, that interaction. “I may not love you, but I love your right to be absolutely deplorable to me. You make my world more interesting by pissing me off on a daily basis (in the news).” Some people even call this love… “I kinda hate you but I accept your right to piss me off”. This is the height of love to some people… But I don’t truly see eye-to-eye with that bunch of wankers. 😉

Acceptance requires understanding

The only time when I struggle to “accept” someone is when I don’t truly know someone or understand them, like… Black people as a gigantic uniform group. It is never smart to try and understand a large group of people as some kind of a unified front, so it’s no wonder I don’t truly *get it*. Still. I feel like I don’t understand black people at all, possibly because “black people” is a varied group of people to understand… Just like all other groups.

In theory, unconditionally, I accept everybody’s right to be who they are, do what they do, fuck what they fuck (as long as)… Whatever, but… I struggle with black people because I don’t really know what to make of them. I don’t know what they want… Really. Like… Do I treat you like a white person, or do I treat you like… A black person, you know, someone who was forced to row themselves over the oceans to be enslaved by the same people? Do I treat you like a black person who never left Africa but is living in a lap of luxury feeding off the privileges of your ancestors’ work and wisdom? Which one are you? Are you someone who once was enslaved, or are you like us? Tell me, and I’ll feel for you. Once you know, I’ll accept your right to be who you are, 100%, no questions asked. But first, you need to decide what the fuck it is that you are and what you want… How do I NOT offend you, because I don’t wish to offend you. Give me a way to approach any single one of you that will save me from your wrath toward me… And I guarantee you I will accept you for who you are and fight for your right to be it… On an individual level, as a group, I don’t care, as long as you tell me what it is you need… from a complete stranger.

Acceptance isn’t friendship, either

Acceptance means I won’t desire your death. It means I don’t need to change you in order to allow you to live freely in the same space as I am or on this planet. Maybe not in my home, at least, not permanently, definitely not if we both have a choice about the matter. Acceptance isn’t really much to go by in terms of friendship, love, or any kind of relationship, but it is the minimum requirement for a peaceful society, workplace, family, or a personal relationship of any description.

The only thing I cannot accept about you is your lack of acceptance about others, YOUR NEED to invade another person’s right to thrive to be who they wish to become or another person’s right to be who they are and wish to be. The only thing I will insist on changing in you is the inability to accept me or anybody else who isn’t an actual threat to you personally or anybody else for that matter. That is where we, tolerant people, draw the line; when a person invades another person’s freedom and unquestioned right to be who they are, live peacefully the way they wish to live, that is when tolerance must end. No matter who your god, no matter what your beliefs are, if you invade another person’s right to self-govern, you lose your own right to yours.

My opinion/guideline:

THE MINIMUM REQUIREMENT OF A PERSON WHO IS ENTITLED TO LIVE A FREE LIFE, IS THE ACCEPTANCE OF ANOTHER PERSON’S RIGHT TO THEIR FREEDOM. If you interfere in another person’s freedom, you will lose your own freedom (to an equal level).

The rule of self-defense also applies; if another person is invading your rights as a person, including your right to choose your personal company (and employees), you have the right to defend yourself against such intrusions (within and according to existing laws). Simple as that.

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