I don’t know what he wants, should I still break up with my current partner?

This question is asked often enough to make me gasp… There’s a saying I heard once that describes this situation: “A woman is like a monkey; she will never let go of a branch until she has a hold of another branch.” Now, the question whether you should leave your current partner if you are in love with another man or a woman depends on whether your partner is the Normal Person* or a Savants* and how much you feel you have to compromise in order to keep that relationship alive.

A Normal Person* is a person who values safety and stability over ANYTHING ELSE in this world, and to whom “love” is always a verb describing specific actions, not a noun that names a feeling. A Normal Person* appreciates a person who stays with them DESPITE loving someone else, while a Savants* would take that as a serious deceit and a sign of disrespect. A Normal Person* feels that “to love someone” means “to take care of someone” to the extent that when I told my the Normal Person* mother that I didn’t think she loved me, she told me, without blinking: “Well we have always loved you more than your brother” which, in plain English meant: “We have always had to put more money into taking care of you than your brother who is much more self-sufficient than you.” At first, when I heard this, I gasped, because as a Savants*, that is the most horrifying thing to say about your children, how could a mother so unbashfully say she appreciates, admires, values, and adores you over your brother, like that was a non-issue (especially as I know the opposite to be true, she loves my brother for the exact reason he doesn’t need “love” as much as I have done). My mother has also always counted love in money and material goods; if my brother got 100 dollars, I had to get 100 dollars, so we were both loved equally growing up. There you how the Normal Person* loves.

An Savant*, however, associates the word “love” with the feelings of adoration, appreciation, admiration; joy they feel to be near a person, sexual attraction and that sort of thing, and they want to be loved for their personality traits, abilities, achievements, intelligence, even their external beauty rather than for the simple fact of being in a relationship like the Normal Person* feel. And that is the cue to your conundrum. If your partner is a Savants* and you are a Savants*, the answer is as simple as they come; If you are in love with someone else split up with your current partner… Unless you can’t decide who you love more out of the two! (In that case, read my polygamyORpolygynandry¹ -related material, there’s stuff in there you need to know about your natural alignments.) The decision gets really difficult if your partner is the Normal Person*, because they don’t care if you are in love with someone else; you don’t even have to hide it from them, and they are simply happy you’re still there despite it!

If you are reading this, the likelihood that you are a Savants* are high, because the Normal Person* wouldn’t really consider leaving their partner for someone else unless they were in extraordinary circumstance of some kind.

So, your conundrum comes from the fact that you know your partner doesn’t want you to leave. If you come from the True Emotion Mirror background, you’ve been told that this is a soulmate relationship and you have to clear your karma with this person, and that is partially true.  You have to break up with this person, OR… Here comes the crazy part; MAKE THEM INTO WHAT YOU WANT them to be – and your options include my best friend. You literally simply need to teach them what you want them to be for you and they will be as glad to be it as they would be happy to be your partner. As a Savants*, everything in your soul fights that thought because you would never want anyone even attempting to do that to you, but the Normal Person* is always seeking for a container, and you, as a Savants* can be a container to those people who you want to keep in your life. (It may also be the easiest way to it, because the Normal Person* are really tough to shake, it’s literally like trying to punch water – nothing you do seems hurts them apart from you trying to leave them. It is a lot easier to just give up and make them into what you can live with – they don’t get offended, they simply feel relieved to know how to please you, and even that is not a compliment to you, they’d do that for anything at all that they happen to know well. The only way I have been able to make an energetic breakup from the Normal Person* is to seriously consider what I would want them to be to me if I could make them into anything. As a Savants*, I don’t have wishes like that, so I sit there, thinking… Pondering, and I might just make them sit and wait until I’ve made a decision – but while they wait, they realize they don’t want to be the person who I have to INVENT a job for, they simply thought I didn’t dare to ask. This process is to show that you have actually understood that they WANT TO be what you ask of them, it’s just that they never thought you really didn’t have a wish (a container) they could fulfil. The Normal Person* want to make the Savants* happy. The Savants* want everyone to Just Be Happy. Unfortunately, this is an impossible mix, but, I’ll leave that to another post.

1. Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩

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