“I don’t love you” means “I don’t want to be with you” not “I’m not fulfilling my end of the bargain.”

the Normal Person* may understand “I don’t love you” as an apology: “I am not doing enough to make you safe and secure.” Therefore, a conversation like this can take place:

the Savants*: “I don’t love you. We need to break up.”

the Normal Person*: “It’s OK, I love you. We don’t need to break up.”

the Savants*: “But I just don’t want you anymore.”

the Normal Person*: “It’s OK, you don’t have to.”

The idea in the Normal Person* mind is that being loved is what is more rare, the thing that everyone wants; to be loved. They feel that they are heroic and giving for not demanding their partner to love them back. But in a Savants*’s mind, being IN LOVE is what makes a person feel good. A Normal Person* may interpret the expression “being in love with someone” as “to be surrounded by someone else’s love,” “to be loved.” Therefore, the expression “I’m not in love with you,” or worse: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” can mean, to the Normal Person*: “I love you, but I’m not loved by you; you’ve failed me.”

“I don’t enjoy you.”

“I don’t love you” effectively means that “I don’t enjoy you, I don’t like being with you, I don’t like your company. You bore me. You do not have (even the technical) ability to make me happy.”

the Normal Person* feel that to expect another person to love you in a relationship is narcissistic or co-dependent, so they don’t.

the Savants* feel that to expect a person to want to stay with you even though they don’t feel love toward you is narcissistic and co-dependent. A Normal Person* feels that to expect your partner to love you is narcissistic, and to need to be loved is co-dependent. However, a Savants* feels that feeling love for someone is the fun part. To BE in love is fun. The person who gets to ENJOY the relationship is the one who feels the love, admiration, and the adrenalin of excitement over being with this person is the lucky one. The one who isn’t in love is the victim, not the beneficiary of the relationship. The one not feeling love, the one who isn’t in love with that person is the one who makes a sacrifice for the needy person.

“In love” means to feel love hormones, sexual attraction, and the excitement of being together with a special person.

To be in love with someone is often described as if “being high” or “drunk” on love. It feels good. It is not that you RECEIVE love, it’s that you feel excited and joyful over another person’s existence, and even more so if they show attention toward you. You can be in love with a TV-personality, for instance, you can be “in love” without that person knowing anything about you, because you feel “high” because they exist – usually in teen age years, without having to believe that person loves you back.

For someone to want to break up with you doesn’t mean either one of you is worthless or doesn’t matter.

When a person wants to break up with another, doesn’t mean they think that person is without value. An Savant* might even say that they want to break up with a person who HAS value, because someone else NEEDS them. It’s just that THEY, themselves can imagine a relationship that is more happiness-inducing, and they can imagine one TOO easily to bear. (Meaning this is not a happiness-chasing obsession that drives a Savants*, even if it may sometimes seem that way.)

An Savant* also doesn’t mean THEY are not worthy of A relationship, they mean they are worthy of a BETTER relationship, even if they don’t have one found out yet. They simply want the freedom to go look. A Normal Person* may want to suggest “you go look, and if you find someone, we’ll break up…” if they feel the need to hold onto their the Savants* as much as they can, and the Savants* may happily accept. They will most likely ask the Normal Person* to do their own search, too, but mind you, it usually takes the Normal Person* no time at all to find new partners – they’re far less fussy about the details than the Savants* are.

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