If men are always treating you with disrespect, it’s not that they treat WOMEN that way.

If you are under the impression that men are disrespectful and treat women badly, I suggest you study your own part in the equation. If you walk into every interaction with a man with a certain attitude, don’t be surprised you get the same reaction from every man. Personally, I also get the same reaction from every man: Respect, admiration, good humor, a fun attitude, hugs, cuddles, kisses, and love, indirect offers of commitment. (I don’t bite because of my True Emotion Mirrors.)

You may not have noticed that if you’re acting aggressively toward a man, and he wants to hold onto his self-respect, he can’t well submit to you and your whims. That can’t happen with a man who values his masculinity. You must either learn to treat a man like your equal (like your female friends, maybe?), or you must learn to submit to him without a contest… Or treat him like he was your son, with love, devotion, and a little bit of a firm hand – it’s OK, but will friendzone you for certain, even if you wound up marrying him. If you play him for the dominant position, don’t blame him if he responds to you aggressively and tries to dominate you instead.

You know, I expect men to treat me as their equal, but they may just as easily submit by default as they respond with equality, or they may dominate. I submit to dominant men quite easily because there’s 0 point arguing about most of those things in contest unless I intend to marry the guy (and stay married), but that doesn’t stop me from thinking. And the same goes for men who submit to a domineering woman easily; they will hold their judgment of you until a later date, too. You probably have to tell him if you want a good sparring partner because many men submit to women knowing they don’t need/want her in the long run, and for the time being, who cares who decides where we’re going to eat.

Still, submission and dominance games are fun – if you know what you’re doing. Don’t take part in these out of fear of men. You can dom a guy as much as you like IF he gets a romantic and/or sexual thrill out of it. (Which they can. Can you imagine a big burly man happily taking playful orders from his missus because she knows how to make him purr, not because there’s a mutual fear between them?)

Women say that men are disrespectful these days and blah blah. What I see is that women are being very disrespectful (not as an opposite to submissive, despite I’m sure that’s how you’re now reading this) toward men, and men are answering accordingly. Some are submitting, simply not knowing what else to do. WOMEN are more in-their-face than ever, and it’s not a nice thing to see. It means women are SCARED of men, and they are fueling that fear with all kinds of stupid stories about how men are abusive and whatnot. Way too many of those stories are falsehoods created to gain an advantage at work or shame an ex-lover out of revenge… As if women couldn’t compete without playing dirty. (If you can’t win without playing dirty, don’t call yourself a fucking winner… Or “a strong female.” You’re a disgrace to women; that’s what you are.)

Cheaters, too

If men tend to cheat on you, wonder why. Do you expect three dates/fucks to mean “a committed relationship”? Do you expect exclusivity without him actually agreeing to it? Please stop being naive. This isn’t the 1950s. I’m not saying men like that do not exist; they do, but do not ASSUME such things! Not even from “church-going” men. ASSUME = Ass=U+Me. Assume makes an ass out of u and me.

Do you consider it cheating if a man hasn’t been GIVEN a breakup from you yet? He has told you he wants out, but you have told him you don’t want to break up, and you assume your word goes because you’re the woman? If that’s where you’re at, he’s free to sleep with whomever he wants. If he wants out, you’re done. The same goes the other way, of course, too, but if a man tells a woman that she can’t break up with him because he still wants her, all hell will break loose, and it should break loose the other way, too.

“He made me uncomfortable.” (Yeah? Then why didn’t you leave?)

Do you think men “make you uncomfortable” a lot? Discomfort means you don’t know how to handle a situation, nothing more. Social jitters. I’m uncomfortable a lot in many different situations, and sometimes I’m “made” uncomfortable, mostly by family members, my own, and my friend’s family members who don’t really know what to make of me and vice versa, rather than men, but that’s the thing. “Uncomfortable” is just social awkwardness. It doesn’t mean someone is in the process of raping you.

But to avoid dangerously uncomfortable moments here’s some ground rules:

Never go into a man’s home without knowing how to say no to a potential sexual suggestion. DEFINITELY do not, under any situation, follow him into the bedroom and expect it NOT TO lead to a sexual suggestion.

You don’t need to panic if you suspect there will be a suggestion; there is nothing wrong with them between two adults, but know that if you’re in a man’s home or hotel room alone, you need to know how to decline sex IF you don’t want it.

It’s VERY unlikely he’s going to (planning to or want to) rape you. Still, if you’re too afraid of men, in general, to say no to a sexual suggestion, he might wind up fucking you anyway without realizing that you’re just too terrified of him to say no, even when he didn’t threaten you in any way. He might wind up wondering how surprising it was that you wound up being a terrible fuck even though got to his house like a good little eager slut.

Victim blaming and shaming for your own good.

Yes, I’m victim-blaming for your own good. You’re victims of your own naivety and brainwashed preconceptions of a man’s evil nature, and nobody has had the balls to tell you how life actually works. But more than you, I’m blaming your parents for not teaching you this shit when they realized you’re completely ill-prepared for adult life! A grown woman MUST KNOW how to get herself out of situations like this. If you don’t have the freaking balls to tell a guy you’re not interested by the time you turn 16; you’re going to wind up having a lot of sex you didn’t want to have without EVER ONCE getting raped, and there’s nobody to blame but yourself and/or your parents.

Parents MUST TEACH a girl to express what they want in many different situations. Yes or no, honey? Do you want it or not? Do you want lemon candy or strawberry candy? You can’t have both. Do you want the frozen pizza or the pizza from your favorite pizzeria tomorrow night? Can’t have both? Teach your girls to choose, say yes, or no, ask for things, teach them that they can have things they ask for, but NOT EVERYTHING and the stuff that they can’t have is something sensible… Such as, you can have a candy bar every Friday, but not two candy bars. (Well… Maybe two. It is a good lesson to teach, too, that sometimes persistence pays off, honest it is a good lesson, but still, there must be limits.) Teach your girls to be responsible of their own actions and choices. Teach them to live with their own decisions without blaming other people for mistakes THEY made.

Rules:

1. Never be in a room alone with a man without being prepared to say no to a sexual advance. It doesn’t mean you should not trust a man enough to be in a room with him, or that he’s dangerous, or that he’d be rapey; it’s just that adult women do not go into the same room with an adult man without knowing there’s a potential sexual motivation to that. If you do, you must know how to say no to it if you don’t want it or be happy to have sex with him at that time. You’ve got all the power, you can say yes or no, but you do have to react – EVEN IF HE DOESN’T verbally ask you for permission before he kisses you. (Men, don’t think a verbal “yes” confirmation to being ASKED will hold up in court if she decides to say 20 years later that she said it out of fear of retaliation and didn’t really want sex. Her issues may become your issues in a split second. Young Soul* feminists are running the agenda that a man cannot trust a woman’s word, because a woman’s mind is feeble and easily swayed by fear of men.)
2. Do not put yourself in situations that make you nervous. You don’t HAVE TO BE brave. It’s OK to say you don’t want to do something because you don’t know how to handle it. You WILL learn. But if you’re grown up enough about it, put yourself into situations that you know you don’t know how to handle, and LIVE with the mistakes you made, and don’t blame other people if YOU don’t know how to handle situations you put yourself in.
3. Internalize this: Even when it’s not your fault, it’s still your fault. IN EVERYTHING. You weren’t prepared, you didn’t think it through, you let things slide, you allowed it to happen, you put yourself into a situation, you made the decisions that led to whatever happened – even if the thing itself wasn’t directly your fault. You are not guilty of stealing your laptop, but if you left it out on the table at a cafe while you went to the loo… Fuck. You made it TOO easy for it to be stolen, and that part is on you. If you got raped because you were drunk, high, and barely dressed, you’re not guilty of your own rape, but you are certainly guilty of making it too easy to be done to you. THAT part is on you. (But it’s so nice to have the higher ground while sitting there, an innocent, blameless victim, bleeding, bruised, and raped, isn’t it, while that bitch who kept her head clear and her panties on got to go home with a fun and flirty sex god of a man without so much as a wolf whistle from the great unwashed. Do you want to have the higher ground, or do you want to NOT BE RAPED? It’s not that men are rapists, it’s just that SOME of them are, and even if it’s one man out of a million, it only takes that one to give no tosses about you and your honor when you’re there with your tits hanging out drunk as a Victorian street whore. But, who cares? After all, he shouldn’t have. Oh goodness gracious, he shouldn’t have, but do you want to count on a fucking rapist to CARE about you when you are in that state?)
4. DO NOT ACT BRAVE when you don’t know what to do. Stupidity/ignorance and incompetence combined with bravery is a lethal combination.

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