If my child wants to marry some creep, do I have to just silently accept it?

Yes, and no. While a Cat Thinking child will marry any creep they like with or without your support, the Normal Person* Thinking child will change their mind if you object. A the Cat Thinking child will stand their ground about this if they truly love that person, and the Normal Person* Thinking child will be happy to go by a parent’s guidance, even as an adult. So you may have to accept a Cat Thinking child’s choice, but you don’t have to accept it without voicing your opinion about it.

In both cases, you can start your speech as this: “While I will accept your final decision about marrying this person, I want to talk to you about something. I have an issue…” There’s a good chance you will point out something important to a Savants*, too, TYPICALLY, that they are about to marry someone they are not truly in love with out of a sense of duty or feeling forced to accept they’ll never find true love. That’s their most usual problem. Don’t throw that in as a guess, tho. You have to KNOW EXACTLY what your issue is to sway a Savants* at all.

If a Savants* is in love, you can’t stop it.

However, the Savants* are non-conformists, and they tend to fall for rebels. If that’s the case, it’s unlikely they’ll change your mind, but they may decide you don’t have to pay for the wedding or even be there for it. That doesn’t mean they hate you now, particularly. This is not a childish tantrum to tell you they need to have what they want, just that they can’t change how they feel about this person, and they’re willing to break off their relationship with you to marry them. That’s text-book the Cat Thinking.

So yes, in some cases you’ll just need to suck it up, but there’s nothing wrong with voicing your concerns to your child. Maybe they will be able to put your mind at ease about their feelings, too, and point out something you didn’t see in this person without their help.

Financial concern

If your concern is financial, you can’t sway a Savants* from marrying the person, but you can possibly insist that you will be allowed to pitch in if they get into a tight spot. NEVER make that into a big deal, however, or they’ll refuse the help later. Don’t keep REMINDING THEM how much you’ve helped them, but rather play it down every time you get. This is important with a Savants* – they don’t want to be a burden. They’ll eat dirt rather than consider themselves a burden to someone close to them.

A Normal Person* Thinking child is in love with how impressed you’d be to see their fiance.

A Normal Person* Thinking child marries to impress their family, their friends, and friends of family. Their love and admiration toward their potential partner is directly related to how much their loved ones love and admire this same person. (To a Savants*, this plays no role at all in their choice; they may be pleasantly pleased if their family loves their spouse as much as they do, but they won’t change plans if their family doesn’t like them.)

You can sway the Normal Person* Thinking child easily by just voicing out anything you’re not impressed by in their boyfriend or girlfriend. They’ll bring in new candidates until you’re impressed. (the Cat Thinking parents would be wise to know they HAVE TO first suggest to their the Normal Person* Thinking child to start looking for a spouse and then give them feedback on who they’re dating. Sometimes, especially with strong willed the Cat Thinking parents, the Normal Person* Thinking child stops functioning in that area of life completely. They need their parents to push things along a little.)

Subscribe to get a Daily Message