If you’re rich and you’re trying to build a relationship with someone who is neither rich nor a gold digger… How to keep it classy?
Let’s, just for the sake of clarity, presume the rich person in this equation is a male, the poor person is a female, and you’re interested in pursuing a serious relationship with her… What would a non-gold-digging female expect of you? A gold digger obviously wants expensive gifts on top of love and affection, but a non-gold-digging female will not appreciate the treatment of a glorified whore. Here’s a basic rule that you can use to keep her comfortable seeing you, and that she’s actually not a gold digger:
Whatever money you spend on her must be for YOUR joy.
For as long as you’re not engaged to be married, and quite preferably before you’re not married, you cannot pay for ANYTHING you’re not a part of. Not her rent, not her food, not her everyday clothes, nothing… It should be a joint pleasure, but the pleasure CANNOT EVER exclude you.
You cannot pay for anything that isn’t something such as these:
YOU want to go, but she can’t afford the cost.
Suppose you’re planning a skiing trip to the Alps because you really want to go and you’d really wish her to be there for you. She doesn’t have skis, can’t pay for the plane ticket or accommodation (obviously), and she can’t take a week off work without losing her apartment because the rent will be late (or something); in this case, you can pay for everything she needs and pay for her rent for the time you’re out because this is not FOR HER, this is for YOUR fun. Sure, she’ll love it, but you’ll have to at least pretend you’re doing this for yourself and she’s doing you “a favor” going along with you.
You don’t have to take any stuff back that you buy her, but you can come up with another opportunity to use it, which would make her feel a ton better about having it.
You take her to a dinner that she could pay her week’s rent for…
It is OK to splash your money, and it is OK to use it, and it is even ( 😉 ) OK to pay for her dinners at fancy restaurants that she could NEVER afford on her own. Dinners are probably the only thing you can make a little bit more about her than yourself, to see her joy or amazement, but they can never be, again, just about her. Dinners are good because dinner has no resell value, and she has to spend the whole time with you, which is why you can treat a girl to dinners for her fun a bit more than any of this other stuff.
You can also buy her appropriate clothes for these places, but again, you’d do her a kindness to find another occasion to wear the same dress twice unless it would be a social faux pas to do so in your circles. Maybe go somewhere where it’s unlikely the same people will see her. ALWAYS look out for her reputation in the eyes of people in your circles, and explain to her if spending money is necessary for that reason if she feels awkward about getting yet another dress or another whatever. You can also rent outfits for this occasion, as long as the rentals are not worn so many times it shows. (A rental dress shouldn’t be rented out more than eight times before retiring it, I say as a fashion professional. The last renter is sometimes allowed to keep the dress, FYI, but never make it seem like you knew this; otherwise, you’ll seem cheap. I only mention it so you don’t get caught off guard if it happens and do not know what to do in that situation – should you not allow her to keep it or such. You can let her keep it, it’s a lucky one, right?)
Whatever would make you or her look bad if money wasn’t spent is OK to spend, IF what you’re doing is what YOU want to do with her.
You authentically want to see her in something… Would find it easier if…
Whatever you find exciting, fun, or convenient, you can offer to pay for her. Let’s say sexy lingerie is a great example; as much as she’s wearing it, it’s for your pleasure rather than hers, right? (Not that she wouldn’t like it, it’s just that who wears that stuff for ANY reason other than to show it to a guy?) Whatever YOU WANT is what you can suggest to buy, as long as she agrees to it, of course.
If ANYTHING would be EASIER for you if you got to pay for it, you can suggest it. Let’s say she lives too far away, but you’re not yet quite committed to marrying, or other reasons are against her living with you; it’s OK for you to suggest you pay for her living somewhere closer by or even in a flat you don’t mind visiting. However, this must be for YOUR convenience, for YOUR peace of mind, and it has to be something you don’t regret having paid for if the relationship falls through. In that case, also remember you will have to get her back on her feet if you got her to quit her job and move out of the apartment she could afford on her own before you met, so you’ll need to make sure IF you make her move out that she can return to a situation she can handle if you don’t end up marrying her, after all, her moving was for YOUR benefit, not hers. (If you’re not comfortable with this, don’t suggest it to her.)
If you want to ease her financial situation, make up an excuse or offer her a job or a gig.
You are PERFECTLY permitted to come up with excuses to put money into her hands, but they need to be classy. It will always have to come from an “it would make me feel better if you’d take this” rather than “I feel like I should do this for you.” NEVER pay her anything out of obligation to do so; always make it about yourself. (Gold diggers will hate this and will quickly tell you how selfish you are.)
You can even “pay her for her company” under the excuse that you are paying for the luxury of her company, and if that means you have to “hire her” you’ll do it, and you’ll make her officially your paid companion. There’s a small chance that someone might take offense to this, but when you know her better, you can probably tell if the risk of suggesting it would be worth it. Whenever you’re unsure, joking about things is always a good way to introduce an idea.
You can also playfully put money into her hands with lines like “How much would it cost to get a kiss from you right now?” if she looks too tired to move, for instance. “How much for you to come here and give me a kiss?” She may well spring on her feet and kiss you for free, but she may hesitate, at which point you can wave a hundred-dollar bill at her – playfully, playfully! And, of course, not so often she notices you’re doing it.
If you can offer her an actual job or a gig, don’t hesitate to do it. It is entirely customary for even husbands and wives to hire each other for a job if both happen to be in business. If she wonders why you’d pay her for something she’d gladly do for free, you tell her that so you can put it through your books so it doesn’t look weird to the IRS that someone’s working for you without getting paid in case, you’d get audited. You’d hire someone to do the job anyway, so it might as well be her, right?
Valentine’s, Birthdays, and Christmases.
These are the only occasions in a year when you can buy her gifts while you’re still dating unless you REALLY feel that you need to express something with a gift, but you know, less is definitely more here. Again, don’t go overboard; go for sentiment rather than monetary value. If you want to show how much you care, find something difficult to find that you can use your connections to find but with relatively little monetary value, or so that the resell value on the gift isn’t massive.
Now you can loosen up on the need to make it about yourself, but you can add a bit of it here, too; if she’s in love with you, whatever gift brings you with it is going to be more valuable to her than a gift that doesn’t come with her favorite guy attached.
A classy girl should never ask you to pay for anything.
And a classy gentleman would never put her in a position where she has to ask for more money. For example, you did wind up renting her a place she couldn’t possibly afford because it’s convenient for you or you really don’t like to stay at her rubbish old place, but you forgot to organize the payments on the flat… Uhhhh. Never make her approach you for MORE MONEY. If you make a commitment to pay for something, don’t make her remind you of payments due.
She should also not get comfortable asking you to pay for ANYTHING. This is not your daughter; this is your equal partner, and no matter how much she’s struggling financially, she should come to you for money for emergencies only, and even then, only as a last resort, not her first. (Watch out for fake emergencies, tho. Gold digger move.) Whatever her reason for asking you to pay for something is, it’s ALWAYS a HUGE red flag, even in those emergencies… Especially if there’s suddenly another one…
Don’t jump to paying for things she talks about…
Also, this is important, VERY important, possibly the second most important point of this post: Do not jump into paying for everything that she mentions for two reasons: First of all, it’s nice to gripe about things you can’t have, and sometimes the heel of your shoe breaks, and it’s funny considering how much money you have and how her clothes are falling apart, it’s hilarious; and sometimes your car breaks down, and there’s a drama, and sometimes you just want to fantasize about seeing Aruba when you make money of your own, these are things that you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO react to with anything but good humor and perhaps a touch of emotional support.
Secondly, it is a genuine gold digger move to mention things like this to make you pay for them without seeming too direct about it, so don’t do it. If she gets frustrated about how you’re not taking a hint, you know she’s a gold digger, and you dodged a bullet. If she’s genuinely just venting, she’ll appreciate the freedom to vent without it always leading to you digging up your wallet and thinking she just asked you to. A non-gold-digger would be embarrassed if she thought you thought she asked you for money there, so just let her vent at times, and laugh with her when she talks about her povo life. She’s probably trying to amuse you by describing her miserable life, not to make you pay for any of it.
“Glorified whore” vs. an honest one.
Pardon my language. When money and women are at question, there’s always the danger of winding up using her like a prostitute or having her use you like a client. I made a reference to a “glorified whore” before, which is what I refer to in the context of gold diggers and wives who are good for nothing except fucking and looking at them. (A REAL girlfriend/wife must be good for conversation and company, too. You must be able to TRUST her with your life, you must be able to RELY ON HER and LEAN on her (wisdom and support and such), not just so that she gets to rely on you for everything like a child.)
Now, as a poor girl, imagining how this would be, I do not object to a deal where I sit in his “storage space,” aka a pricey apartment waiting for him to come home and have his way with me, right? I also don’t have an issue with him effectively “paying me” to be with him or EVEN telling me he cannot do a real relationship with me, but he’d be willing to “pay for my time” that includes sex, right? The difference here, the nuance here is that YOU, as the rich party, PAY FOR WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED, and I, as the poor girl AGREE to what I find to be a fair deal or sexy hot. What I do object to is women who don’t want to have sex with men, who don’t really LIKE men, but who agree to it all in return for money, gifts, luxury living, and expensive dinners. As in, their FOCUS is not on YOU, but their focus is on the stuff that money can buy. What you need to always ASSUME with a non-gold-digger is that she is interested in you, your company, and your rock-hard cock, and even if she loves your money and what it can buy, she would drop the money in a split second if it was a choice between the money and you… A gold-digger absolutely would not do that.
And you MUST FUCKING KNOW THIS: Couples who love each other for who they are instead of what they can provide are very real, and you have every right to seek for such a deal – unless you actually like the whole gold-digging vibe.
Once you marry her.
No matter how stupid in love you are, prenup. You’ve heard this a million times, and every man who has ignored this has lived to regret it. A non-gold-digging girl will sign a prenup without question but ALSO MAKE SURE that that prenup isn’t a TRAP FOR YOU. There are prenups made so strongly in favor of the female that there is literally no way for you to end the marriage without paying WAY TOO MUCH MONEY to do so, even if the marriage was long dead; effectively, she can live with you in a dead marriage, you can’t have other women, you can’t file for a divorce, you can’t raise your voice without it giving her a lion share of your assets. Getting HER to sign a prenup is not always a win for you.
However, that little warning is hopefully unnecessary if you took my advice while dating. Give the relationship time. Don’t marry too soon – again, any half-decent gold digger can fake it for 6 months, easy, but ask her to fake it for 3 years… She’s getting old doing it, no (very few) gifts for her.
Now you can give her your credit card.
The thing is tho, a non-gold-digger may STILL not be happy to take your money after you marry her, but now it is up to you two to have that discussion and how you both want to go about it. Always listen to what she says (words, not just emotion) and navigate the situation knowing she has integrity, unlike gold diggers do. Gold diggers take pride in finding a big piggy bank for themselves as a testament to their beauty and cunning, but a non-gold-digger takes pride in other things; her work, her contribution, and her intelligence. Help her be useful to this world, and she’ll love you for it. She may well be happy “being paid” for taking care of you, but if you are so wealthy she can’t even contribute in that way, she will need to find something to feel useful, helpful, and important to others. Otherwise, your money robs her of her pride in herself and potentially makes her bored, depressed, and suicidal, and there’s nothing you can do about it without her having something intelligent and meaningful to do, preferably with you.
If you can work together on something, things couldn’t be better. But through all of this, understand this about women who are not digging for gold: She married YOU for YOU; therefore, you need to be WITH HER a lot, not just pay her for her luxuries like you do with a gold digger. Don’t marry one of these girls if you’re too busy to spend time with her and if you think just throwing money at her will fix that problem. It works with a gold digger, not with one of these.
Questions I hear:
Am I supposed to let her pick up or split the bill at times?
Not if you invited her to dinner, but she might find it fun to take you out to eat where she normally eats, just to see if you’d even hold it down. She may want to give you the full experience, and since she invited you to HER place, she’s paying.
What MIGHT become problematic is when you casually suggest a place to eat that isn’t exactly a dinner date or an official “dinner’s on me” situation. When friends or acquaintances would share a lunch or something, just to fill up the belly with no special other meaning, your penniless friend may feel very uneasy in that situation. Therefore, you’ve got two options. Make sure you’re eating at a place that they can easily afford even if you’re planning to pay for it (so they don’t have to feel TERROR about the bill coming while they eat), OR you phrase it with a casual: “Come on, I’ll buy you lunch. I know this great place.”
Can I take her to LITERALLY expensive places (jet-setting around the world because I can), stuff that even I consider “pricey”?
Yes, but only because YOU WANT TO. NEVER with the air that you expect her to expect it from you. Make sure she knows and senses you’re ENJOYING THIS and that you’re ENJOYING her enjoyment. As always: Whatever you pay for now must be a) for your pleasure, too, even if it’s the pleasure of giving, and b) CANNOT EVER exclude you as a part of the deal.
What possible intellectual ability can a poor girl have? What can excuse poverty in a talented, grown person?
Basically, a lack of connections, opportunities, and a bad location to live in is bad enough.
If a beautiful woman is NOT in the beauty industry, selling fashion or makeup, she’s not going anywhere fast with clean papers.
A beautiful, smart woman must have made all of her fortune by the age of 30 with the help of much older successful men (if she knows any). Otherwise, it becomes VERY DIFFICULT. Here’s why:
NO OTHER WOMAN wants to help a beautiful, smart woman get ahead unless she can expect to capitalize on her success herself. That other woman must be butt ugly and otherwise talentless to feel it is beneficial to hitch a wagon on a pretty girl.
Everybody thinks beautiful women hold all the cards, so she gets no sympathy from others. Beauty being an asset for a woman in business couldn’t be further from the truth. Men want to date/fuck/marry her, and they don’t want her to become too visible so that their competitors will see her and steal her. Women don’t want to promote her because she’s a threat to other women’s relationships and business opportunities. A beautiful young woman can capitalize on the help, sympathy, and nostalgic fatherly devotion of much older married men, but every young man will have ulterior motives or avoid her while protecting his marriage or relationship from suspicions of an affair.
The internet will enable a smart, beautiful woman to hide her appearance, but most beautiful women would think beauty is an asset, not a hindrance. Not so.
It is VERY DIFFICULT to play a fair game as a beautiful woman; the only way to capitalize on beauty is early on or with NO consideration of other people; lie, cheat, and lie some more. A successful beautiful woman has a scary reputation for a reason; nobody helped her get there, and the way she got there is anyone’s guess.
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**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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