“I’m a pos and deserve no mercy but I’m hoping for love.”

So, there’s a whole attachment theory floating around the internet. It is actually really good. I wish I could take credit of it but not my work. Having said that, there are some improvements to be made, I’m happy to notice for my own ego’s sake. They’ve also been dancing around the same thing as I have with Modern/Timeless duality. (Anxious (avoidant) (Modern) and Dismissive Avoidant/Secure (Timeless).) However, with the dismissive/avoidant, there’s a lot of Anxious interpretation to it, so it’s a bit of a catch-22 to use as a direct comparison.)

However, the attachment theory takes a nice look at it and provides a bit more clarity from a different perspective. There’s a pairing of attachment styles that create an illusion of a Twin Flame/True Emotion Mirror connection. It CAN BE a TrEmoR with attachment disorder, but it also can be just a plain old trauma bond. This pairing would be an anxious(-avoidant) attachment “style” and (dismissive) avoidant attachment style in combination. (I contest the anxious attachment style as just another form of avoidance, focussed on forcing blind/unconditional commitment over an actual connection. This is basically the Modern -thinker type in my theories.)

The root of it: “I’m a piece of shit…”

For a person with an attachment disorder, the root cause is some shame or guilt that they carry with them. Depending on the severity of it, it can range from a slight embarrassment with your actual True Emotion Mirror to deep guilt and shame over something with all people. Sometimes, people with attachment disorders, even mild ones, will choose a lesser partner to  “practice with” even if they NOD (Next One Down) from the one they truly want, their True Emotion Mirror only. (This is almost 100% of people, I fear.)

A person with severe attachment disorder can get obsessed with someone they consider another piece of shit so that they can use that person to get them one step up on the ladder: “If I can gain that person’s approval first, maybe then, I can consider myself a little less of a P.O.S.” The less they think of you, the more obsessed they can get about you: “You think you’re better than me, you p.o.s…!!!” So they’ll get to focus on the other person’s “ego” and avoid thinking about their own self-loathing a little less in the process. How they choose you as their object of obsession is another matter that may have nothing to do with your actual personality or their comparative right to criticize it. They may hold an attitude: “I’m a piece of shit, but if I can find even the tiniest flaw in you, you’re a piece of shit, too, and we’ll be equal!” (They wish.)

Commitment obsession

Commitment and control of another person stem from an inherent lack of trust in oneself and other people. The anxious type of a person believes they are a) not worth being treated right b) the other person is not capable of treating them right unless they’re constantly hovered over and controlled. This is the Modern thinker type.

“…But I wish someone would love me.”

The wish to be loved runs deep in the Modern, but to them, it has to be unconditional in the sense that all of their flaws will be forgiven, not the reason for the love. They want forgiveness and acceptance, where as the Timeless want to be loved FOR the things they are, not despite of them. That’s a huge difference in thinking, and makes the Timeless and the Modern inherently incompatible. When the Modern tries to love the Timeless, they simultaneously insult them: “I love you despite you being a p.o.s.” And they’re like “but I’m NOT a p.o.s… You are,” and they mean it. When the Timeless tries to love the Modern, they may love them FOR their flaws, which, to the Modern is a show of lack of faith in them: “You think I deserve to be a p.o.s. and don’t believe I can change.” Old Soul* don’t want to change anybody and they don’t want to be changed, but change, to a Modern is the only way to show love: to change for another person and to change another person to their liking.

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