Inability to accept rejection maybe mistaken for undying love and is caused by entitlement issues

Again, be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water with this thing, but a little bathing is necessary. This has to do with Enigmas and Partial Mirrors, and should help identify the emotions that keeps people linked to their Enigmas and Partial Mirrors (there might be some of them in your life even if they weren’t the True Mirrors) and definitely you have some attached to you if you are an Ancient Spirit, so this also helps you detach from unwanted people who maybe dragging you down a bit.

Rejection doesn’t always mean a romantic rejection. People reject each other all the time as friends or confidantes, even colleagues and business partners. Some of this we find easy to accept: “This is not your place, not suitable for you, you are not exactly what we are looking for.” In a business sense, this is nothing weird or unusual, and we accept it without much ado, even if it would dash our hopes and dreams. We don’t take it that personally, because we understand the company has the right to choose the people it employs (at least most of us accept this) and we move on and keep looking for the next job, our job. There are people though, who anger at the company for not hiring them, because they view them a type of a charity – an organisation that has a duty of care and a position in which they should attempt to hire more people than they can sustain. These people view rejection as a removal of their RIGHT to be hired, THEIR job was taken from them by this evil corporate person with no conscience or morals. They view the company as public property – if they make money, they must attempt to give it to people especially if they apply for it. In their view, the offer to work for the company is of higher value than the job offer. If there is a position, it must be filled, even if the task was not suitable for any of the applicants, and there were no people qualified for the job. Worse yet, they may see the company irresponsible and greedy if they do not CREATE jobs and positions even though their operations require none. People like this consider other people’s business their own and wish to control what goes on inside the walls of someone else’s private business.

In personal relationships, there is no real difference. People believe that their wish to be included in something that creates happiness and contentment to other people is the same as their right to be included. Obviously, this isn’t so. Just because you want something or someone to be yours, doesn’t make it/them yours. These people believe that they are incapable of creating happiness and contentment for themselves, and that they have to find someone to produce it for them. They see happy people somewhere, and they want their share of that happiness, because in their mind it belongs to them. Essentially, this is very different from thieves mentality: “You have it, I want it, I have just as much right to it as you do or anyone else does.” Then, it becomes a fight over who gets there first – but once they have what they have, oddly the same rules don’t apply anymore: If someone would be after your job, your wife, husband or your car you stole, you would be just as displeased about their audacity as the people were who you took your luck from.

What is mine is mine without me having to fight for it. If it doesn’t come to me without me fighting for it, it is not mine. What I have then, is the wish to have it, but no rights of ownership. It is only mine once it comes to me willingly or is given to me out of free will or through a trade off. Someone else may have a hold on something that belongs to me, that is true, but I cannot fight for something that someone else has a hold onto, until it struggles to be free to come to me. In the case of people, this means that I have to let them know who I am, my wishes regarding them, and then, I must wait. If I truly belong to someone, I will wait forever for them to accept me – but I will not believe I have the right to demand their love simply because I belong to them.

People so easily mistake their own need to be loved for their right to be loved (by this specific person). You can never own a person until they have given themselves to you, but you can give yourself to another person whenever you feel the need to do so. This applies to your True Mirrors as much as it applies to your Trail Companions* and Enigmas, with the difference that a True Mirror is probably still struggling to free themselves from other people’s wishes and expectations toward them, and the last thing you want to be is another expectation on them.

The incapability of taking a rejection is NOT a sign of good self-esteem. It’s the opposite. If a person cannot face the thought that someone doesn’t want or need them, it means they have insufficient self-esteem and self-value. They cannot sufficiently be responsible for their own happiness and survival like they must, and they are relying on someone else to make them happy and take care of them, but it should not be anyone else’s responsibility, not even True Mirror’s. It is definitely possible to guilt someone into loving you – it is the oldest trick in the book. That comes from insecurities and fears, not from the state of true love, not even with a True Mirror – who, if sufficiently deep in self-denial, can form a lasting relationship to you, as long as you both confine yourselves to norm and tradition and never attempt to achieve true happiness in your lives.

How do you close the door from someone you care for but don’t love?

If you have people who want to rely on you but you don’t want them to, how do you refuse yourself from them? This can be a challenge so full of conflict that many of us wouldn’t know what to do. Family relationships are something that people always use as a leverage to keep you hooked, but they are certainly not needed if you allow yourself to get in too deep a co-dependent relationship that you are the constant (sometimes the only) giver. Karma, in the sense of “you give in this life and I’ll give in the next” has very little to do with this relationship, I can tell you this much, because looking through incarnations after incarnations of soulmate relationships, the role we take repeats itself over and over. People who need support KNOW who to live close to in order to be taken care of and loved. If you keep giving love and care without wanting to, you are simply signing up for another round of the same stuff until you learn to remove yourself from that role. This is not about karmic debt you are paying back, but it is your own inability to stand up for your right to choose who you drain yourself for.

We change very slowly during life times unless there is a conscious attempt to change and evolve. This means that if you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, people will keep doing that until you decide enough is enough. As a natural care taker, it is unlikely that you will leave people hanging or kick them out of your care without a warning, and that is something that you can accept and be cool with. As a care taker, you need to simply figure out a way to get yourself out of the situation and give your dependents a good chance to surviving on their own. Cutting your own habit of giving too much at the same time as cutting their habit of relying on you too much is a cycle that needs to be broken gently and wisely or you will simply keep putting it off.

Forget about “adult roles”, if someone needs a job, and to you finding a job is easy as wink, simply organise their life for them and tell them they’re all set. All they have to do is to show up and pull their weight. No drama. If you know that they have all set that they need in order to survive, you are off the hook. If they choose to mess things up after you have left them with everything to survive, it’s not on your conscience anymore. In addition, do spiritual work to break the dependence on you. Clear your own thoughts of any guilt you feel about not taking care of them by identifying where the triggers are that make you fold on giving help. Also take a good look at the possibility that your help is not actually helping the people you want to help but is only making them weak – most people who have all given to them without effort won’t find a reason to work for what they need simply because it would be stupid to do so. Very often help is passifying rather than actifying.

As far as emotional dependence goes, it is easier to break. There will be less guilt because the people will survive physically speaking, even though they might be emotional wreck after you quit serving them what they want out of you. The situation is similar however. Whenever you make someone trust your insight into matters, or your knowledge and guidance in something, you make people stop thinking for themselves. Have you ever asked for help to perform a simple task? If you are anything like me and most people, your brain shuts down and you end up letting the other one do everything for you only to ask them again the next time even though you know the task is as simple as opening a beer bottle. The more we help people, the less likely they are to pick things up for themselves. The more we allow people to help us learn, the less likely we are to learn anything. You know how at school it’s always the same people seemingly unable to perform the simplest of tasks? It’s not that they are dumb, they just have learned to ask first before even trying because they don’t know how to start thinking. (Starting thinking is the worst part. Once you collect your thoughts you’ll be fine, but if you’re too quick to decide “I can’t do it” you can’t. You simply cannot! If you have eyes on you waiting for a quick answer, you’re even less likely to be able to arrive to a conclusion.) We also know we start at different levels. I have the hardest time with maths, because my mother is a mathematical genius. I know she has an answer in her head before I can blink, and that puts an enormous pressure on me to arrive to an equally quick solution, but although I am far from dumb in that area, I simply cannot put two and two together if I allow myself the moment of reminding myself how stupid I am. The same works in emotional support, if you know you cannot understand people, you will never attempt to understand another person because you’re just “too dumb for that kinda stuff”.

If you are good with people, try and figure this one out: “How do I help this person find their own insight and ability to see / feel for themselves?” Everyone is different, and everyone’s insecurities lie in different areas. If you’re the one who’s always helping others figure stuff out (as in I am) try to find ways to encourage independent thinking and following one’s own gut… (I don’t always do too well there I must say although I keep trying, because my first priority is to try and convince people to stop demanding love and support from others – what a paradox!)

How do you gather courage to move on when you are left alone?

For as long as you beg for love and acceptance from someone who doesn’t love you or isn’t ready to love you, you force yourself to adapt to their life and their wishes on you. As you know you are the beggar here, you don’t have a say for yourself, and for as long as you don’t decide for yourself someone else will be forced to choose for you. This is a weakened state you are in, and as such incapable of taking your place in this world, INCLUDING but not limited to your place with your True and Core Mirrors. The reason why your Mirrors may leave you alone is exactly this; you cannot be yourself with them if the only thing you try to do is to attempt to guess what they want you to be. The people who love you for who you are must see you being you – but (most often) they can’t tell you who you are, you have to figure that out for yourself.

A lot of the times people do try to hold onto a Partial Mirror for dear life simply because they are afraid of being alone. If your spouse or other loved one is attempting to break free from you and you are reluctant to let them (be it a friend, spouse, a child or even a parent)  you must simply said grow up, but that is, of course, easier said than done. Everyone is entitled to their freedom and their irresponsibility, no matter what the society says. Nobody owes you love – (even your parents only owe you the best start in life they can organize for you, but you can’t force anyone to love you, not even your own parent or your child sometimes) – and the realization what that actually means can be extremely liberating. If you feel that people owe you love but you are not getting any, you will feel short-changed and disrespected, even dismissed. The sooner you understand that they never owed you love, you realize they were just the wrong people to love you, there’s nothing wrong with you or them and you were never the target of any disrespect or abuse, you simply expected love from where there was none. This is similar to praying to a stone to give you happiness, you may believe the stone is denying your request out of ill will, when in fact the stone has no divine powers to start with. It is not the fault of a stone that it is a stone, but if you keep blaming the stone for not giving you what you want, you’re the idiot in the picture, aren’t you? (Stones might have a secret emotional life though that we can’t understand, just to make a point that even though the person in question is unable to love you, it doesn’t mean they cannot love one of their own kind, and that is not an insult towards you, either, it simply is what it is.)

There is a lot of reasons why people would tell you they love you at first and then they take it back. It happens all the time and to all of us. People may see in you someone that their soul loves, (a partial mirror) but simply because you are not 100% them, they cannot love you because their heart truly belongs to someone else. You can sit there and nag about your rights and your good qualities until you drop dead but it won’t change the first thing. Love is not about how good you are or how deserving of love you are, it is about who you are as a whole – your special blend of crazy if you will. You can wear a shade of blue and a shade of red in the same outfit, but the shades have to match exactly – if you get the shades slightly wrong all you get is a fucking head ache looking at that mess. The same with people. Nothing is as annoying as “almost there but not quite”. The same as this person being exactly right to someone else, to the extent that they cannot settle for a close replacement, you too are that right to someone else. Don’t waste your time here pining for the wrong shade when the right colour is out there somewhere.

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