Introverts dodge unwanted relationships – not all of them.

Relationships with nice people can be really messy. You like them, but you don’t love them, right? You fear losing them, but you don’t really want them around ALL THE TIME, or you don’t want to get too close to them, despite liking them around a lot. When the relationship starts with an expectation of dating, for instance, it can be a tricky thing to lower the expectations to friendship, then, there’s the opposite difficulty; it’s a friendship, but you fell in love with them, but you don’t want to make it awkward and lose the friendship.

Sometimes, you need to make things clear to people, but even when you try, you may still get into confusing situations. People take your meaning differently; they may think when you say “you just want to be friends,” means that you don’t really want to be friends, but you say that to be nice or to test whether they’re serious about you, would they be upset if you dropped to friendship? If you’re a bit of an introvert, you may not even understand why people would want casual friends, and you tend to limit your social time to time spent with a significant other, which, to a lot of introverts, is the only social relationship they even want to spend energy on. Introverts are very deep-thinking individuals, and they tend to go into intimate areas very easily without thinking it to be intimate at all yet, making them a confusing bunch of people for extroverts to deal with.

Introverts got this.

Relationships are complicated and, as such, endlessly fascinating. We introverts are funny in that, too; we love to investigate relationships while having none. ;D Kidding. We have relationships, but, you know… We study them more than we have them. We like the theoretics of them, and that makes us pretty good at them, too. We may SEEM clueless, but we navigate relationships with a bit more poise at times than extroverts do, without them even noticing they’ve been navigated around. A relationship-suave introvert leaves no trace of themselves if they don’t want there to be a trace.

Why I bring up introverts here is that it’s easier for an introvert to teach an introvert how to be even better at their relationships than what they already are, as extroverts tend to have one-size-fits-all-mentality. They bulldoze their perspective through and are utterly baffled when their relationships have a lot of drama and break easily – when they don’t INTEND to break them. Introverts’ relationships break, too… Intentionally. Therefore, I’m using an introvert-friendly method of teaching: The Internet and long-form text, God forbid! Demand trust for the weird and unusual, and also the guidance of the Universe, all things that will freak extroverts the fuck out.

Navigating relationships requires an understanding of other people.

To be fair, probably extroverts and introverts alike want to rescue the other type from their fate of extroversion or introversion. (Introverts think Extroverts must suffer for their “shallowness,” and Extroverts think Introverts must suffer because of their “shyness.”) It’s a fair thing, too, because introverts know stuff that extroverts don’t, and vice versa. Both types need to learn the good aspects of the initial approach of the other type. It’s just that introverts are notoriously more eager to learn new things than Extroverts. Extroverts do it when they have no other option left when people look at them funny if they don’t learn. They’ll learn if their social relationships suffer lest they learn, but otherwise, they fear they’ll break their existing relationships by learning “the wrong thing.” Introverts learn because they want to – and if their relationships break as a consequence, so be it. They wouldn’t even think twice about it.

And frankly, Introverts learn because extroverts make their life a constant living pain, so there’s that motivation. 😀

However, the point is; extroverts’ ideas of relationships can be summed up as: “Oh, stop thinking, let’s just go have fun my way. Stop pestering me with your perspective!” Now, introverts must learn to avoid those people, NOT ALL people, and get themselves a meaningful, enjoyable social life. (Introverts LOVE socializing with people, as long as the socializing is deep and meaningful or fun and exciting. But what they consider fun and exciting, has to have something additional added to it than just “hanging out,” like a mutual hobby or interest.) We must learn to find the people we love and avoid the ones we’d rather not interact with, and do it with MORE poise and savvy than before.

Introvert or extrovert?

Introverts would suffer (over the work) to get away from their current unsatisfying relationships and find people whose internal world matches that of their own. Extroverts would suffer (over the work) to keep their existing relationships (they don’t really know what an “unsatisfying relationship” is, as long as we’re talking about ANYTHING at all – the weather, birds, gardening, maybe guttural sounds would do in a pinch) and find more people despite their internal world. Extroverts are also oddly attached to their existing network and unwilling to make new friends, which doesn’t seem to match with their overall reputation. Introverts are much more capable and willing to make NEW friends bonding over a mutual hobby or interest.

Introverts like deep conversations and deep thinkers. They don’t truly understand a point of a relationship that exists solely for… Company. They have company-only -relationships, but they don’t truly like them. They’re more of an obligation and expectation to an introvert than a source of joy. Extroverts would use a sentence: “I like the company of people”… Introverts would never be so generous to a random group of people to say that; they’d have to DEFINE what TYPE of people’s company they enjoy. Still, Extroverts are likely to refer to the company of people they know very well, but Introverts like the surprise and possibilities of a new group of people, even if they were really self-conscious around them.

Introverts would feel more confident if they knew they can GET AWAY from unwanted people.

What makes Introverts very awkward is this funny characteristic: They are very picky about people. Therefore, they know that YOU are picky, I am picky – but you may like me more than I like you. This is why they feel rather awkward at times, when they’re near new people. They need to learn how to very easily avoid relationships, nip them in the bud, and get out of them without offending the other party, to be MUCH more self-confident and comfortable around people; and also to come to terms with being rejected.

Basically, this is what my blog is all about – how to dodge relationships that you don’t want, and bond with people you love… and are loved back – and as we basically only ever fall in love with another introvert, so… You know things are tricky.

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