Intuitive Polyamory, Powerful Non-monogamous Relationships
Most people, when getting into polyamory, will begin by tallying up cocks and pussies in the right ratio. There is nothing wrong with that, if that is enough for you, but if you want a little extra still, you’ll have to go deeper than that. Taking the intuitive approach will save you some trouble and failed relationships. I have heard of people spending 20 years desperately trying to catch enough people to call a poly relationship and I’ve heard of intuitive people who have turned from a miserable cheated-on monogamist to 5 perfect dates a week in a matter of weeks, securing their first permanent connection to another polyamorist within months.
Tuning to your right note
You can do polyamory in a million different ways. You can have 5 people in a relationship willing to turn it into something amazing all pulling in different directions because their ideal is different to each other. They all want polyamory with the same ideal pussy to cock ratio, but that is only the first question to ask. The relationship will fail, or, worse yet, persist for years without actually working.
Some notes that might give you ideas
Larger playgroups, to me, are so time-consuming that it makes sense to work together rather than separately. On the other hand, it is easy to imagine the benefits of one woman being “married” to several busy men who are “never home”. She will never be alone even though her husbands would travel a lot for work, for instance.
Different ways to think about the financial side
There are polygynist men who wish to be the sole breadwinner in their relationship. They find it superbly sexy that they are able to provide for several women. They’d hate to see one of their girls having to work. There are polygynist men who want their women to work for them, so that they, themselves do not need to do anything but to lay in bed and enjoy his women. As awful as it may sound to some, there are women who would be turned on by that idea.
There are polygynist men who wish to be financially equal to his wives. They dream of working side by side on something that they all feel passionate about. There are polygynists who do not wish to work at all, of course. And so forth. The same applies to polyandrists in reverse.
Sexually speaking
In the sexual sense, there are certain assumptions that often go with different types of polyrelationships. People often assume the “hinge” the male in polygyny or the female in polyandry is the dominant one. This is not always the case.
There are sexually submissive polyandrist women and there are sexually dominant polyandrist women. The same goes for polygynous men.
The rest of the relationship, also, may be equal or with a power-balance in either direction. Each partner may have a different dynamic and still work as a whole. The different dynamics between individuals need to be in harmony with the whole, of course. However, intuition and sensitivity to individual’s needs and desires will help you find the right balance.
Ensure that you’ve got the right -gamy!
Naturally polygynous men tend to be especially prone to turning towards polyandry rather than polygyny. This is because they are often female-worshippers, who want to give their women the same freedom they, themselves desire. This is rather common. There are also polyandrist men who turn into polygyny (or womanizing) because they want to use women to impress their male friends. They may have a lot of girlfriends, but they are there simply to impress other men.
Some Clues
Naturally polygynous women who live a monogamous lifestyle, often think the same way as polyandrous men; their boyfriend or husband exists solely to impress their girlfriends, sister, or mother. Their focus is on other women, while the man is akin to the must-have accessory in their lives.
Naturally polygynous women also often tend to fancy the same guy over all others. This man can be the one winding up cheating on their girlfriend or wife with her best friends.
One MAJOR key to figuring out what form of polygamy suits you is whose opinion of you matters to you most? Male, female, or you couldn’t choose?
Up that a notch: which flatters you most, despite your sexual orientation; if a man considers you are sexy or if a woman considers you are sexy? A polyandrous woman wouldn’t even understand why another woman’s opinion would matter. The same way, a polygynous man wouldn’t understand why a man’s idea of his sexiness would matter.
A polyandrist man, however, would feel his manhood swell in pride if another man would compliment him, the same way as a polygynist woman would feel about a woman’s compliment. To them, this means they are potentially making a hunting-alliance, and to them, not many things are as flattering!
What is the attraction of polyamory variants?
Polygynandry – the even mix of two genders variation
It is also, of course, to be noted that some people find a mix of two equally represented genders the ideal form of polyamory. To them, the turn-on is that they are never certain who they are going to sleep with the following night. There is always a vital sexual energy around them, anything could happen – an extended youth.
I believe this form of polyrelationships would work for most of us as a default setting. I would, personally, encourage sexually open young people to engage in this form of Polygynandry as a standard setting. That would, I believe, help the natural development of whatever types of relationships suit them in reality. I absolutely detest 15-year olds turning monogamous, counting who is whose boyfriend or girlfriend, by a contract, entirely revolting! Love should be a natural bond that happens, not contractual. Anyway. Derailing.
Polyandrous female and polygynous male
Although these two types of people can have a natural repulse to each other, because both come with the non-compatible gender energy attached, they both think very similarly.
To them, the attraction in this whole thing is not so much the indulgence with a lot of men/women, but the challenge of keeping all of their lovers happy and satisfied and unwilling to stray. That doesn’t mean they are possessive, but simply willing to be the best option available. Even then, they may easily let their lovers go, because they love them and want them to be happy, but what they do get their kicks out of is How Many Of Them Will Stay?
They may also get turned on by being the object of the opposite gender’s sexual desires, and the “onslaught” that they endure on a daily basis. The challenge of enduring “the torture” of being sexually over-run and stretched to their limit.
These types also get a lot of slack for being an ego-builder, wanting these relationships simply to prove they are better than others or even equal to others. Although some of it may be true, it is also not always the full attraction. The challenge is alluring.
Polyandrous men and polygynous women
The polyandrous men and polygynous women, who make up for most of our failed monogamous relationships, think very similarly. They are, by nature, incompatible, but often wind up in relationships together, while their ideal is something different:
They find the excitement in controlling their jealousy or learning to enjoy their jealousy. They may secretly get turned on by the idea their spouse is cheating on them. In monogamous societies, the naturally polyamorous feel shame for feeling this way. They may even arrange opportunities for their monogamous spouse to cheat on them, for their own kicks. They will feel a heightened sense of respect for their partner once they cheat, but they may also feel a deep fear of losing them if they live in a monogamous relationship.
The perpetual fear of getting hurt is a side effect of having found their True Emotion Mirror, their ultimate romantic soulmate, who, by the very law of it, is also polyandrous or polygynous (to match their TSM), and as such, a magnet for other men or women. “There’s always another one in the closet” will be an experience based fear they carry with them. Being cheated on is what they are used to, so it may take them a while to learn to enjoy the idea of another man/woman and allowing their ego to adjust to the new idea of self; the man/woman who ALLOWS another woman/man to love their partner. After lifetimes of struggle and painful holding onto the one they love, this MAY feel like a bitter defeat at first.
It is impossible for me to introduce to you all the possible variants in polyamory
It is humanly impossible to introduce ALL the variants in polyamory. There are so many nuances and flavors that go into relationships, monogamous OR polygamous! There is always another spice, another nuance to detect, another slight variation to something I thought I knew through and through! This means you will HAVE TO get intuitive and sense your own flavor mix.
I even JUST NOW figured out something about MY OWN relationship. One of my men, who has previously turned from a normal straight guy into “a full-blown faggot for ONE man”, directly quoting him, announced he wanted the same challenge as I have. Of course, I panicked a little. “Oh no no don’t tell me I’m losing you…” But he pulled a fast one. He wants to pull men into this relationship, by… essentially turning straight men bisexual. 😉 Seducing straight men!! OMG! (That is so seriously hot. :D)
Speaking of which:
Large polygroups band together
There is something to be said about the dynamic between an intuitively collected polygroup. These relationships are not based on an agreement to stay together, but on a natural pull toward each other. The truth is, that even though it is a personal challenge for the odd one out -gender partner, in reality, they need help. The dominating gender partners will hold each other in the relationship, too. It is much more us all together than us all against each other, once the gelling has been properly completed.
Initially, one is to expect that there is a bit of elbowing going on, to ensure everyone in the group is a good match, but once the group settles, it will be a very strong unit. This is because if you want to break up with ONE person in the group, you’ll have to break up with all of them, and that would be devastating. This also functions as a self-purifying system in an otherwise healthy relationship. The people who do not really feel like they fit in will naturally move on, unless they have issues with accepting “not being good enough”.
However, one bad apple may spoil the whole bunch. It is important NOT TO let anyone into the relationship out of pity!! The one allowed in as a favor may well turn out to be the one that functions like a disease inside the group. Essentially, THEY ARE an outsider. As others are trying to include them out of guilt, they may start using this as a tool of manipulation and control of others. The one that shouldn’t be in the relationship at all may turn to be one breaking you all up.
If you have “already tried” polyamory
I laugh when I hear people say they have “already tried” polyamory telling me “it didn’t work”. They tried ONE variation of it, with most likely all the wrong people involved. They tried some terrifying crude mashup of incompatible people from Graig’s List after reading a polyamory book. Simply being WILLING to be involved in a polyamorous relationship doesn’t guarantee its success. If monogamy is difficult, polygamy takes a bit more thinking; still the same base truth is real: you have to choose the right partners. There are misters and miss rights and wrongs out there, and every wrong partner in polygamy brings problems to everyone else in the soup.
The first two people who seed a polyamorous relationship MUST BE unbreakable as a couple. The third one cannot be a spice added as an “okay, they’ll do” partner. They must be enough on their own. Each partner, to each other, MUST BE enough of a partner to form a happy MONOGAMOUS relationship with. It is not a good recipe for lifelong happiness to scrape together partners simply by interest and openness to it.
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**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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