Just to clear out a few more issues out of the way of your future mind-blowing romantic and sex life I will dip my spoon into this soup; Fear of intimacy is another one of those accusations that untrusted or unwanted people use in order to coerce the objects of their affections to lower their bar for them in their bid to gain access to people they would otherwise never reach…

People seem to have gotten things a little confused about such things as intimacy. Some people tend to think that all people should be ready and willing to get deep down on an intimate level with anyone who wants that out of them, and if they are not willing to go there, they are being accused of “fear of intimacy”. This post is closely related to the two that came before this, so if you haven’t read them, you might want to go backwards in time after reading this post.

I want to make things perfectly clear to you: If you do not want to have an intimate relationship with someone, that’s fine. Accusing you of not wanting a relationship with someone is about as logical as accusing a woman for not wanting to be raped. Someone is coming at you violently demanding an entry to your sanctuary, and if you lock the doors they say YOU have an issue? “Do you have a fear of being raped by someone who just grabbed you and is violently trying to undo your jeans? Do you have fear of intimacy or something?!” THAT is how logical that accusation is.

Mind you, there probably was a time when women were expected to be happy about being raped, so much so that a raped woman should just marry their rapist, so it is not illogical to think that people simply need to be reminded that it does take two to tango, and if someone doesn’t want an intimate relationship – be that physical or emotional – that is their call to make, not the one who is banging on the door insisting admittance. There is no point accusing people of “fear of sex” if they simply don’t want to be raped or “a commitment phobia” or “a fear of intimacy” if they are, in fact, just afraid someone will push into their hearts without being welcome to it. Emotional violence exists, and this is one form of it, and self-defense can happen on an emotional level just as it can happen on a physical level, too; NOBODY OWES YOU LOVE OR INTIMACY.

Untrusted people accuse you of fear of intimacy because they don’t know what they are doing wrong

Just because someone isn’t able to inspire love and trust in you, doesn’t mean you should accept their advances because they make you feel like you have an issue. Further, you might be loyal to your heart; there is only so many people that have earned the right to enter your heart, and they should be respected by allowing in nobody who doesn’t feel the love, admiration, and respect for you that would make you open up to them, and to swear you love them forever. People close up from insensitive people for a good reason, and I guarantee you this: Not one sensitive person, no respectful, deserving person would EVER EVEN CONSIDER insisting that they deserve an entry to the most intimate parts of your being – be they physical or emotional – and accuse you of having issues if you refuse it. Just think of those people who you love and admire, not one of them would blurt out something so stupid, and the chances are that you wouldn’t either.

These people are insensitive toward you, and because they cannot wrap their minds around what is it that they are doing wrong, they accuse you for locking them out, being cold, having issues… While, at the same time, refusing to take a look in the mirror.

It is important that you understand this so that you will feel free to move towards those people who you actually want to let in, the people who you adore, admire, respect and would DIE to call your friends or lovers.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message