Is it possible that a person is in love with someone without realizing they are?

Although it is possible that a person is in denial about their feelings, it is also entirely equally possible that a person in love is in denial that they are not loved back. So how do you know? How deep is denial and why does it happen?

I remember reading something when I was a teen about bisexuality. The article said that ALL women are bisexual by nature. ALL. I do think this was written by a sexually frustrated man venting his frustrations, but I took it seriously enough to start wondering whether it was possible for a person to be so deep in denial that she doesn’t realize she is bisexual, considering I had absolutely no sexual interest in other women – and still don’t. This is kinda what I want to talk about here – how deeply hidden are the subconscious secrets?

Denial: “Oh no, that is not me. I do not!”

People go into denial about their own feelings when the feeling is not appropriate, it’s a taboo feeling or directly against the person’s own beliefs. This should not be confused with a rejection, otherwise, it will be OK for a man to rape a woman insisting that he knows better what she really wants. This would also enable women to forcefully marry a man they love insisting she knows better how he feels. Curiously enough, I am CERTAIN there are women who would laugh at the rape example as unthinkable or unbelievable, but think forcing a man into marriage is more than acceptable, along with forcing parenthood on a man who simply “doesn’t know his own mind”. If we allow one, we have to allow the other, by the way.

Typical denial situations is when a man denies his homosexuality or bisexuality because those feelings are not appropriate and would diminish the respect and trust of other people. People deny not loving their child or their parent, because that is also an inappropriate feeling or the lack of the expected feeling. Some men might deny wanting to experience true romance and have a house full of children, because that wish is not masculine enough, and some women deny wanting the love of a man more than they wish for the approval of other women because that is anti-feminist of them.

Men may deny their romantic feelings toward a woman who is not attractive enough, and women can deny loving a man who isn’t successful enough. Whenever a true feeling threatens a person’s idea of self, they run a risk of going into a denial.

Commonly, people deny being sexually attracted or romantically interested in another person while they are married, or while they have sworn celibacy, or when that person is of the wrong gender, is too young or too old, or isn’t sexually attractive in the traditional sense. For instance, finding a person in a wheelchair mind-blowingly erotic can seem abusive and weird, so a person feeling this way might deny such feelings off the bat.

Men often deny feeling strong sexual urges about the woman they are also in love with, and they may feel very unable to express sexual feelings toward the mother of their child. They may feel that a whore’s a whore, but the mother of their child is a holy being that shouldn’t be touched.

There has to be something STOPPING the authentic feeling from being expressed for the denial to be a viable explanation. The stop-factor must be identified before you can simply go and claim this person is in denial about things.

Denial: The way things are contradict your belief of how things are

There are some beliefs that contradict a person’s idea of the world: If I love you, you will then love me back. If you are my child, you will love me as much as I love you. If I marry you, that means you will love me until the day we die… If you are a religious person, you would never lie or cheat, that kind of things.

A person maybe obsessively denying all signs to the contrary: My child yells at me every time I want to get close to them, I don’t understand. He’s my child, and therefore, he loves me. This, despite the fact this person has been butting her cigarettes on her sons back from the day he was born. She may insist the bond between a mother and a child is sacred and nothing will ever break it. Any normal person would see why this doesn’t happen, and that to the son, this woman is nothing but a monster. (Would you believe there would be people here who believe this relationship is still mendable because mothers love their sons and their sons love their mothers…)

A person who is unwilling to let facts get in the way of the idea of their world can find an INCREDIBLE number of explanations as to why their view on the world is valid. For instance that “if I love you, then, you will automatically love me back” idea. No matter how many ways their loved one would say “not gonna happen”, the person in denial can still come up with a reason as to why it will; including, not limited to “they’re in denial about our bond”.

How deep is the denial?

The true feeling IS accessible when the person in question is willing to examine it in a realistic light. This is mostly to reassure the person themselves, rather than others, as it’s difficult to force anyone to acknowledge their feelings. Possible, but difficult. There SHOULD BE a trace of the real feelings when the person studies their feelings honestly. We can often also tell WHEN we are blocking an access and HOW MUCH of our feelings we are denying.

For instance, I mentioned my supposed bisexuality. I know I don’t WANT TO BE bisexual. I feel it would be too easy. You could fuck anything with a pulse, you know. It would also be easier to hold onto your men, as you could allow them to have all the women they want without holding that against them. I know I find some women beautiful and I can understand completely why a guy would be in love with some women but not some others. I can describe my man’s ideal woman to the tee, if I couldn’t, I couldn’t be that woman myself. I know which women stand a snow ball’s chance in hell with them and so forth. I also know that my bisexuality is ‘locked away’. I have NEVER accessed that part of my sexuality, and I don’t really want to. It is unawaken because I choose not to awaken it. I have the freedom of doing so any day I wish, and I figure putting the genie back in the bottle would be a lot harder than letting it out, so I don’t want to open it, before enjoying my polyandrous self to the point where I’m sick of it.

I believe that we all have a choice of everything, really. We simply flip switches on and off as we choose. This is not something that I necessarily find appealing, but at the same time, it does give us the full freedom of choice. Nobody is LOCKED to the state that they are in, but can freely CHOOSE otherwise. However, the feeling of “I didn’t choose this” makes us feel better when we try and explain why we have to have things our way. Why is a gay son putting his parents through the shame of it all: “It’s not like I chose this.” They did, but what makes them want to CHOOSE homosexuality over heterosexuality is another interesting question. Because it’s more fun? Does it serve the purpose of their personality? They like shocking people maybe, and insisting they’re gay enables them to do that. Up the anti and shock people with the following: “I don’t want to be straight. I will rather watch the red on your face as I fuck my guy in the ass.”

On those lines, I LIKE THE FACT I COULD turn bisexual, but I am telling these women no. You can’t have it because I say so. You can’t have my men nor can you have me. Your boobs are wasted here. I can show dominance on other women and test my superior sexual prowess on men – how much would they give up just to fuck me? At the same time, I don’t want them to have to give up anything on my account, INCLUDING their freedom from other women who none of us really want around.

In summary

Our denial is really more a refusal to play along. What we choose is a function of our personalities, an expression of who we are, rather than something we no control over.

Denial is also a sign of the LACK OF LOVE. We will give in once we fall in love. We simply will. Doesn’t matter gay straight fat tall old young beautiful what not, once we are DEEPLY IN LOVE, the denial will melt away. We will give ANYONE we truly love ANYTHING they truly want.

Go through the switchboard inside your head. Identify the switches others want you to turn on or off. Identify the reasons why you won’t play along, which switches do you hesitate with and why. You know you can be anything, but you are choosing what you are. Why?

And trust you me, there’s a reason why some of you will deny the fact you CHOSE this. You chose the difficult path. Why?

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