How do you tell the difference between real love and the rush you feel when you can’t have someone? Is there a difference? What is the “can’t have you” rush based on? How do I get rid of it? Ah, all these questions!

What happens in your mind when you can’t have someone – but you must!

A rejection junkie is a person who will go after anyone at all who has rejected them, has seemingly rejected them, or has successfully pretended to have rejected them (a very popular tactic to turn on a rejection junkie). This is a play on a person’s ego and a VERY EASILY ABUSED one at that. What is worse, there are people who get kicks out of drawing rejection junkies into this very trap, because they know these people are not in love with them but are completely driven by their ego, and therefore easy to manipulate:

When a person with a low self-esteem and a need to prove one’s own level of attractiveness gets rejected, they get a shock: “OMG, they think I AM NOT the hottest girl here! Who the hell does he think he is? Does he think he’s better than me?! Does he think that SHE is better than me?! Oh I’ll show him!” So, the rejection junkie goes ahead and does everything in her power to gain the attention of this guy, who might not have any interest in her at all, might have mild interest, might get interested ONLY BECAUSE she turned out to be an egotistical moron, who, by the way, among men is worth just as much as the guy who can’t take rejection, as in, nothing, and therefore has no real value in terms of being saved from being taken advantage of sexually, or, he might just get irritated to no end about her inability take rejection, and when he angers, she may think that this is “real love”. A person such as this thinks that anger is an emotion shown only to those that people trust with the “dark side”, or, that if you don’t care about a person, you don’t get angry at them. However, if someone is constantly in your face, butting in on everything that you do, anger is truly among the optional emotions for someone who is not the slightest bit interested in a relationship with this person.

One real love symptoms is anger.

If the person that you love does flair up in an instant, however, it is very much possible it is a symptom of real love. That is why it is possible for a person to get excited when they see someone lose their temper at them. Unfortunately, I wonder if a rejection junkie would be able to tell the difference between an actual, level-headed anger reaction that is a result to someone’s bad behavior, or whether it is out of context flair up, completely illogical burst of anger, that is a symptom of a soul connection and true love.

True Emotion Mirrors have a tendency of flaring up into a fight on the first meeting, even, they’ll easily start a heated argument OVER NOTHING without much of a reason at all, or they react with a MAJOR outburst to the slightest of provocation. There is plenty of reasons to it, but one of them is that the True Emotion Mirror always brings out your worst insecurities, and if they happen to brush against one of them, a flair up is more than possible. “How can you SAY such a thing about a person/me?!” when they, for instance, call you “sexy”. If a person has a lot of anxiety about that word, “sexy women get objectified, men who think someone is sexy, they intend to objectify them and to abuse them sexually” that kind of thing. Another instance might be, that this person simply “rubs them the wrong way” and they flair up instantly – I had a good friend of mine flair up about another good friend of mine when I asked him if he knew this guy because they worked in the same field and I made the mistake of mentioning his awards in the field. He didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from informing me exactly what a wanker this guy was; an honest-to-god Destination Soulmate reaction to someone who they already knew on a soul level without realizing. And, for the record, he was right. He was describing the exact person I knew, warts and all, even though he had never heard of the guy. (Destination Soulmates all get the same reaction as if they were in love, even when it is a platonic or same-sex soulmate connection.)

It is this anger that people sometimes get subconsciously drawn to in the wrong place when looking for true love. They know flair ups are a part of the initial bonding, they simply have IRRITATED someone long enough to cause an anger reaction, rather than ignited a true lover -flare up. You might want to know, that True Emotion Mirrors (real soul-bond lovers) don’t need much of a provocation to flair up. If someone has taken minutes or hours, let alone weeks or months to react to deliberate irritation, that is not a True Emotion Mirror. They flair up when the LAST THING YOU WANT is to irritate them. You give them a compliment and they bite your head off for it – that kinda thing.

A related false-alarm for real love

Another popular situation that arouses the ego so much that a person thinks he or she is in love is when they see someone being popular among other men or women, and they simply HAVE TO get into the same pile, either to win the competition or to fit in with the other admirers. (Also, situation like this can lead to a reverse ego reaction of denial that they are truly in love with the same person as everyone else. Requires honest self-reflection to know.) When someone is aroused by competing over the love of the same person, two things maybe true: they love the idea of fitting in with other people of the same gender (a symptom of being naturally polygynous or polyandrous), in which case the person’s attention is really on the other girls or the other men, rather than the man or the woman in the middle, or they are aroused by the idea of winning the heart of someone who is superior to other men/women, and thus, getting an ego boost for it. (Can happen to anyone, mono or poly.)

When you watch shows like the Batchelor, you see this effect in action. In the first episode, there are women in there who are lukewarm about the bachelor. “I don’t really see him as a potential husband material.” The next thing you know, they are all over him, perhaps because he paid attention to her and she now sees a chance to getting an ego boost out of him, rather than winding up rejected and heartbroken; “I might have a chance” or “Oh, THEY are into him, so I won’t be a moron if I show a bit of interest, as well”; inability to know whether someone is lovable or not, or whether or not they would be a lift to your own ego should you date the guy.

What is real love like when it comes to someone who you can’t have?

Real love is unconditional. What that means is that no matter what the object of your adoration feels for you, you still love them regardless. You make no demands on them, even if you had hopes and dreams about them, you would never be as bold as to demand love from them – at least not to force them to it. You wouldn’t feel like “you deserve their love” because you are so good that they should be happy to have you – that falls into the ego-driven crush category. This is going to be a tricky balance to draw, because sometimes a True Emotion Mirror (real love) is so deep in their self-protection that they need a bit of a wake up call, so in that sense you may attack them and demand acknowledgement, but here’s a nice little difference in nuance: Imagine now what you would say to them if you attacked/confronted them, or remember back at the time when you did. Which is closer:

“I want you to admit that you love me, because I know you do!”

or

“Why the hell won’t you love me?!”

The latter is a message of frustration at a Partial Mirror who you know doesn’t love you but you must force them to do so. This is an obsession. The former, although seems bold and self-congratulatory is the phrase of a true love, of someone who knows that they are loved but the other simply won’t acknowledge it for some reason. (There’s so many possible reasons I won’t go into that in this post.)

Then, imagine how it would feel like if they did come to you and confess that they do, in fact, love you. Can you imagine your life together what it would be like without all this chasing drama? If nobody is there but them, is it still exciting? Nobody to brag to? How quickly will the feelings evaporate? If you are honest with yourself, you can predict this.

Are you very competitive? Do you have trouble accepting “a no”? If you get rejected for a job, school or a sports team, how do you react? Do you HAVE TO force them to change their minds because they don’t know what they’re missing out on? If you do, this is probably just one of the same thing, if not, it’s probably all good, or you just don’t care about those other things.

How much of your emotions stem from the need to prove them wrong? “If you knew me, you’d love me!” Also, do you ever fear that if they knew you, they might love you less? Oddly enough, that is a common fear for a True Emotion Mirror, even if it is an unnecessary fear.

When it is a case of real love, you wish this person would love you because you know that would make them happier, you could make him or her happy; and you feel like they are denying your love and shooting themselves in the leg by doing it. You could never DEMAND them to love you, but you simply feel like this is not good for them this denial. If it is ego driven love, you want to PUNISH them for not loving you, you want to DESTROY their arrogance of not loving you, and to show them they are not better than you are. If you’re not careful, they will show you exactly what they think of you down the line… And that won’t be good for your ego.

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