There has probably been a time in everyone’s life when they’ve wondered if monogamy is natural at all, or if all people, or at least men, are all polygamous by nature. People are complicated. Life is complicated, and love is complicated. Therefore, it is foolish to think we would all love the same way and that we would fall in love and stay in love the same way. What protects one relationship from dying is the sure way to suffocate another one.

Relationship ideals change over time.

Society’s love ideals change with times. Once someone saw a truly happy man surrounded by several wives, someone decided: THAT is how to become happy. We must all do the same thing because that man and his several wives are the happiest creatures alive, and since he felt this would be something that would make him happy, he went out into the world to find himself several wives, and he, too, became happy. When this was repeated often enough, it became “a fact” that one man’s several wives is a ticket to life-long happiness… Until a natural polyandrist tried it.

He was miserable! He couldn’t help but feel suffocated by all of his wives who understood nothing of his way of thinking, demanded him to be a man he didn’t know how to be, and he missed his friends, wars, adventures, the challenges of being a man in the way only that he knew how to be a man. Because, at the time, everyone thought the only form of polygamy was polygyny, and the only alternative would be monogamy.

Everyone thought it was the only way to live, a man to take several wives until natural polyandrist women were made into wives for one man and his fantasies. They would have been filthy angry being subjected to polygyny. They hated their sister wives, and they felt disrespected and dirty every time their husband came near them. They might have been polyandrous, but polygyny was the wrong form for them.

So everyone agreed. Let’s do monogamy from now on because it seems like the only natural way to do relationships.

Wrong. Most people get bored to death in a monogamous relationship. MOST people. Not all. There are natural monogamists out there, but they are such a small minority that I wish them good luck finding the right partner. It would help if the naturally polygamous would get out of their way.

The main ways of being polygamous:

Polygyny is a form of polygamy that involves the traditional one man, several wives -scenario.

Polyandry is a form of polygamy that involves one wife and several husbands.

When a group of people of both genders form a marriage it’s called polygynandry.

Polyamory is a generic term to all non-monogamous relationships, and it is pretty much up to the individuals to define the kind of mix that they have or are going for.

Poly-leanings are similarly in-born as sexual orientation is.

I treat poly-tendencies the same way others treat sexual orientation. It simply is, but just like homosexuality was before, people aren’t really allowed to think that as a possibility for themselves. It can simply be one of those things you don’t think about as you follow a life script that was planned for you long before you were born: Be born, learn to walk, go to school, graduate, find a spouse, get married, have children, wait to have grand children, die. Over-simplified, I know. You get the idea. The way people are supposed to live is very much known from early on, and it goes way beyond gender stereotypes and while being polygamous is a natural way for many people to live, we are systematically guided away from it due to ancient belief systems both scientific and religious in nature.

The only way to know what type of a relationship is the right for you is to listen to your gut: Most people get an instant feeling of guilt when they think about their RIGHT way of living: “Oh I couldn’t! That would be so selfish!” Or “Who would want ME for that kind of life… That’s like… For COOL people!” They think NOBODY would love them if they revealed this kind of hopes, and everybody has their own fear of stigma to fight:

Polyandrist men: Am I gay?
Polyandrist women: Am I a slut? Am I a gay man?
Polygynous men: Am I just a chauvinist pig? (Not being able to settle for one woman.) Am I a lesbian woman?
Polygynous women: Am I a door-mat and a sex-toy? (Tendency to forgive continuous cheating.)

Am I a rejection junkie? Am I unable to handle a normal, grown-up relationship? Am I sex-crazed? Am I a commitment phobic? Am I completely incapable of handling a relationship or being faithful? And then finally, what about the children?

Polygamous people have trouble with monogamy.

All polygamous people have trouble with commitment or staying in a committed relationship. Polyandrist men can’t fully bond with a woman, and they feel the girlfriends get in the way of their guy-stuff. Polyandrist women have so many men in their lives that they, although would be able to commit, suffer from mistrust of men who avoid them because they feel “there’s always another guy in the closet”. Polygynous men suffer from the same mistrust of women, who consider them eternal players, and polygynous women find it difficult to bond with men and feel they are in the way of their relationships with other women. Polygynandrists simply feel monogamy is completely unnatural – whether male or female, their natural partners whole-heartedly agree.

Monogamy only works for monogamists. It is unrealistic to think a person with natural polyleaning will be happy and calm in a monogamous marriage – even if they CAN submit to one.

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