Is this an OBSESSION or are you IN LOVE?

In this article, I’ll compare an obsession over a person to feeling absolute love and devotion and true love for a person. This can also be applied to other obsessions/love like toward your work or hobbies. This would be primarily comparing a one-sided Enigma soulmate type obsession to the mutual love of a True Emotion Mirror.

Obsession Is Something Taken Away or “Stolen”

An obsession is about RESTORING something that you’ve lost. You once HAD something you felt was something you adored, lost it, and you want it back. However brief or imaginary, you feel you’ve now lost what you once had. You may also fear that someone else might steal it from you if you take your eyes off the object of your desires for one second. To an extent at least, you feel you have the first right to this person for a reason or another.

In contrast, true love feels like you’ve got it, and you love having it. It is there, even if you weren’t really together, you still FEEL LIKE you are together, you are “an item”. No matter what things look like on the outside, you feel secure in that connection… More or less, at least.

Less mature true love may also feel exciting, positive, a possibility. You feel young again if you are older, and excited again if you feel you’ve had time to lose your excitement at some stage. True love makes you smile, an obsession makes you obsess and feel anxious and annoyed.

You feel something bad is going to happen if you take your eyes off the object for a moment

An obsession feels like if you’re going to take your eyes off the object of your desires (I’ll shorten that to “the object” later in this post) something bad will happen. Namely, someone else is going to grab them. They are going to escape from you, or be stolen from you. You are going to lose them if your attention sifts for a moment.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that it is true, but you have developed an obsession and fear about losing them, and you feel unsafe to let them off your sight for a moment. You may feed this obsession by constantly talking about them, writing about them, and staring at photos of them. You may even fear not thinking about them enough, so you do everything in your power to keep your attention on it. You feel you’ve done something bad if you lose your focus for a moment. You may be filling your head with fantasies about them, such as by reading True Emotion Mirror material promising a happy ending. You may be more focused on the story part, the promises than actually working to find a solution.

Your attention doesn’t really feel good to you, it feels like work. A person in love focuses on the person because the object makes them feel better about life simply by existing.

In true love situation, you may be very aware that there is some psychological/spiritual work you need to attend to before you can get them. (Very complicated sometimes.) You’ll be in a hurry because you don’t want to lose time. You know that even if you slowed down a little, you won’t LOSE THEM, you simply will LOSE TIME with them.

In a healthy love relationship, you may still want to spend every waking moment with your lover, or thinking about them, but the obsessiveness of it is missing. You simply won’t feel tired of them, and you love filling your senses with them. Others may complain, let them complain. 🙂

Obsession is linked to fear

An obsession feels nerve-wrecking to you. You’re constantly on edge.

In contrast, a true mutual love to a True Emotion Mirror (or a 2nd Tier Destination) feels reassuring and uplifting. You feel SECURE and safe BECAUSE of this love like it is something holding you up and keeping you from real harm. You feel protected within your love. An obsession makes you feel vulnerable, exposed, and ready to break and shatter. You feel raw all over.

Now, let me remind you that SOMETIMES this fear is not based on reality. The biggest clue in this is what does the object tell you: “I love you, don’t worry”, or “go away, you are obsessed!”

Ironically, the True Emotion Mirror may accuse you of being obsessed, but you’d still fail to feel scared for losing them. This is because deep down you know this is about something other than them actually wanting you to go.

This should not be mistaken with foolish faith in your love and connection, which is simply REFUSAL to see realities because the reality scares you too much. If you are ABLE to envision a future in which you are left alone without the idea breaking you, you are most likely OK.

Ask yourself some questions

Imagine a reality without the object. Can you imagine them being truly happy without you? (Yes, I KNOW they’d be happier without me: points toward an obsession. No: Points toward true love. Yes, I know they might not need me to be happy, but I’d love if they did. Points to true love.)

Do you feel slightly amused by the idea that they might not love you? Like this was kind of a funny thought, so unrealistic it makes you chuckle a little? (Yes: Points to true love. No: Points to an obsession.)

Are you scared about the idea of losing them? (No, you feel that it’s such an obscure idea that they’d truly leave you that if they do, they would HAVE TO be truly happy and that makes you feel good because all you truly want is for them to be happy – true love.  Yes, to some extent, you’d feel disappointed about your life returning back to the way it was before you knew them… And that is not a nice thought – speaks of true love. Yes, terrified; you are scared mindless about what will happen to you if they (too) leave you. You will have NO ONE ELSE in this world; points toward an obsession, your attachment is fear-based, not necessarily true love.)

How poorly would you be willing to be treated to keep your object in your life? (“Not very, I don’t think he/she would treat me very badly” speaks of true love. “Very poorly, whatever it takes!” talks of an obsession.)

The combination of the two

As I said, an obsession and true love can go together. You can be obsessed with your true love, or have a sidetrack fear attached to them/it.

Couple of examples

I also mentioned that the obsession can be also about something other than your true love. In my case, I am somewhat obsessed with my work. I fear that I might not make it in time, and I might have to stop doing what I do because of simple financial reasons push me to a job or a career that I don’t want. I am worried that I am forced to return to my home country out of something as stupid and meaningless as financial reasons. That makes me push harder than what may be healthy, and attach obsession-like behaviors into what I do.

Someone else I know truly has no other people to trust and rely on other than her object. (An orphan.) Her fear of losing her true love feels to her like he is the last chance of love and security she has left. She fears losing him might drive her over the edge to suicide. As she has nobody else left, her need to realize this love clouds her judgment a little, and he is as much an object of her fearful obsession as her true love and adoration.

If you find yourself obsessed, try this

Please study what your fear is about and see if you could work on your fears and reduce them. Imagine the worst case scenario, put effort into it, the worst possible thing you could imagine happening. Run that idea in your mind for as long as it takes to have an action plan ready, just in case the worst of the worst would happen – what would you do?

There is no need creating fears you don’t have, by the way. Just deal with the ones you’ve got and make them as bad in your mind as you can possibly find imagination for. Scare yourself shitless and then, make a plan of action in case your fears come true. Make peace with the plan… And try to be a little more creative than suicide, OK?

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