It is tough for any healthy person to consider themselves the man or woman of someone else’s dreams.

When you fall in love with someone, you may think your best way forward is to make sure your loved one knows exactly how much you adore them. How big your feelings are. However, when you hear that told you, you kinda feel… “Oh, they must be high,” or, more to the actual point: “Oh wow, they’ve got an unrealistic view of who I am.” No matter who you are, to yourself, you’re the most mundane, ordinary person in the world. You’ve spent your whole life in your own company, and therefore, the way you are, to you, is everyday stuff. When someone comes to you and says “Oh wow, you are my Sun and my Moon” you think: “Oh man. My reputation has claimed another victim” if you happen to be famous.

So you maybe curious but you start observing that person. Are they sane. Are they ACTUALLY interested? Maybe they are a love-bombing narcissist?

The more you try to express your love, the less they accept it, and to be fair, SOMETIMES people DO have an unrealistic idea of who another person is. Sometimes they’re not even thinking big enough. Sometimes, they’re simply NOT accurate at all. They’re like “Oh I love how hard-working you are…” And they’re like… “I don’t own an alarm clock. My staff does most things for me. I was born to money. I invest it, and sleep all day.” There are compliments you cannot accept and you think “I like that you like me but you know, you have no idea who you’re talking to.”

Therefore, the thing you should do instead of declaring your love is to make observations. Accurate ones. “I think you’re quite lazy. You never answer my texts before noon!” “Yeah, I like to sleep late.” “One day, I’ll sleep in with you.” You have to make it OK for them to be who and how they are the way they are. The last thing you want is to sing their praises but describe someone else entirely. (That works on narcissists tho, if they agree the image is flattering. They can just set out to play the role pre-written for them.)

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