It’s actually wise to trust people without proof.

I’ve always had trust issues. I’ve always told myself I’m too trusting, even when I don’t fully trust people. Not to do right by me, not to care about me, not to look out for me, that kind of stuff. Never asked them to, either. Never expected them to. But I realized that in doing so, I gave the not trustworthy people permission to mistreat me blatantly. People who take mistrust as a sign of “Oh, I’m not expected to be trustworthy to this person. I can do whatever I want.” Trustworthy people will still do right by you, even if you don’t expect them to, at least to the level of not deliberately screwing you over. Still, the not-so-trustworthy will see it as an opportunity to make YOU the trustworthy individual in the relationship. “You don’t trust me, good, don’t. Once I screw you over, it’ll be your own damned fault.”

When you trust someone, they will not want to mess that up. It feels good to be trusted. If they then misuse that trust, it’s on them. If you weren’t trusted from the start, you’ve got nothing to lose.

So, just try to say to yourself that you decide to trust this person or that group of people; “I’m going to trust women not to be cunts.” Hahah. As if. But you know, it will work! They won’t be. “I’m going to trust X to do right by me and have my best interest at heart.” If they feel they can’t do that for you, they’re more likely to leave you be than when you don’t trust that from the start but accept them in your life anyway. Specify what you’re going to trust them to do with you. It also becomes an expectation: “I expect you to know how to do this thing I trust you with.” You don’t necessarily have to say it to them, but it might strengthen the message.

Some ideas

• I trust people to do right by me.
• I trust people to leave me be.
• I trust him/her to stay by my side.
• I trust him/her not to cheat on me.
• I trust people not to steal.
• I trust people not to be racist.
• I trust people to be nice to me.
• I trust people to respect my privacy.
• We trust my government to do the right thing. (Powerful.)
• We trust our politicians.
• I trust people to have a certain backbone.
• I trust people to tell me when they can’t do what I expect of them.
• I trust people to know when our relationship has run its course.

Raise your expectations, and people who already know they won’t live up to them will leave you alone.

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