“It’s their loss” and “they’re just jealous” -people

At the risk of sounding he said she said, I’m going to have to say this.

I am sick of hearing people deflect criticism by claiming “they’re just jealous” or “they say it because they are hurting inside” or “they don’t really mean it” and whatever it takes to lull someone back into the belief that they are not the reason for a breakup or an argument, but that the other person was. The one, who finally had enough and walked or blew up after giving this person a chance after chance after a chance to look into the mirror and alter their attitude, I’m sure.

We can’t always blame the person who is leaving another for “being commitment phobic” or “being a narcissist” or “being incapable of commitment” or “having issues with themselves” or another plethora of blame shifting to explain away the ill-feeling that “maybe it was me…”

Yeah. Sometimes people say nasty things because they are hurting inside, taking their anger out of someone else, sometimes they leave a relationship because they can’t handle intimacy or because they fear commitment, but 99 times out of 100 they leave because they feel this relationship isn’t enough to keep them happy, PLAIN and SIMPLE.

What they need out of that relationship is another thing. A better sexual chemistry? Common. More desirable partner? Very common. To find someone who actually can relate to you and understand you as a person? Very common. Only in a fraction of cases, people leave “because the emotions are too high” or “they fear losing control over love” – although as a True Emotion Mirror teacher, I know that is sometimes very much the case, but god damned people should stop polishing shit and taking a one in a million explanation and apply it to all cases that need an ego-stroking explanation.

Whenever I hear someone console another person with these or explain having been rejected themselves with a: “They’ve got commitment phobia”, “they’re saying it because they’re hurting inside” (true, did you cause that?) “they’ve got issues with intimacy” “they’re just taking their anger out on you” (especially when they are angry at you, by the way…), “they just can’t see how much you’ve got to offer” and the like, I think… Wow, really? No other possible explanation there? They are at fault, looking how hot and a dangerous intellectual you are, they MUST have been delusional leaving you!

I saw this woman once on YouTube… With such massive silicone implants that she quite nearly needed a wheel barrel to maneuver herself around the house. They were nowhere in the ballpark of being attractive anymore, but she was on the scale of a freak show by now, but when she was asked if she ever gets nasty comments about it, she replied: “Oh they’re just jealous”. Oh god. What a face-palm moment. These people just figure that no matter what people say, for whatever reason, they never actually mean it: “I’m cool, they’ve got issues.”

And that is a major character flaw.

Why am I saying this? I want the people who feel guilty about leaving relationships and cutting friendships short stop feeling guilty and taking a moment to see whether or not they are being guilted for something that actually isn’t their fault, or under their own control. I also need you to know that love is a sense, not a skill or a deed, it’s a sensation. Feelings are involuntary sensations awoken by someone you observe, not something you take out of a storage to the person you think deserves them. Feeling guilty about not loving someone or feeling an unwanted emotion instead of a positive emotion is about as sensible as feeling ashamed for not being able to feel the heat of the Sun in mid winter Alaska and convince yourself you’re in the Bahamas.

And this is just the beginning of problems that derive from the expectation that you should be able to control what you feel, rather than knowing that by changing the circumstances or your company, you change how you feel about the people surrounding you. This assumption gives people the right to blame their pray on not feeling what they want them to feel for them, and keep pestering for that emotion like they were a broken stove, rather than a winter Sun in Alaska.

We are all awesome in the right company. Just think about yourself. Remember a time when you are completely happy being who you are and in the company in which you are, free to blurt out the first thing that comes into your mind and know you’ll be loved and appreciated for it. Then, remember when you feel like everything you say is wrong, and you feel constricted and limited from speaking, and your jokes aren’t welcome or appreciated, and you’d rather be anywhere but in the company, you are at now.

You deserve the company of the people who appreciate you for you, and the people who make you feel like nobody would love a person like you need to learn a lesson in letting people go.

And I wish I could always talk from the positive side but you know what happens when I do? The people who hang onto others to dear life will not remember to check themselves when they do this, and only make sure their rights are being met, and they will be served, and that others in their company remember to love them for who they are – but they will STILL forget to check whether they are pushing another person into a bad place to serve their own ego and needs.

Take care of yourselves, and as always… Keep the mirror handy.

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