Let your true love be a potato sack.

This is advice for ancient soul women, really. It applies to men, too, but the problem typically affects men: high-stress levels in a love relationship. Men are just about expected to levitate to be good enough for any woman at all, simultaneously as the expectations on women get less and less. To demand anything from a woman and not to demand the moon of a man is a feminist sin. This increases performance pressure on men from a societal level, even if you personally don’t share those expectations. The assumption, in our current time, is that a woman can and will expect a man to be a superhero just to qualify for a casual relationship, let alone a serious one.

And when your True Emotion Mirror meets the woman of his dreams, you… The scariest thing in the world for him.

Given that by the very nature of the connection, your True Emotion Mirror thinks, even if he’s the only one who thinks that way, he thinks you’re hotter than the Sun itself. And because you are the one person he’d do anything for, he assumes your expectations are sky-high for even a simple kiss. He’s amazed you’d consider him for a partner, and next comes the fear: “And what is this love and joy and happiness going to cost me exactly?” (For men, everything in life comes with a price. It’s a literal price and a mental price, a limitation. There’s a cost. There’s always a cost. This is something women have a hard time understanding. Except right now, with his TrEmoR, it will freak him out as he doesn’t know what’s going on.)

He’s now faced with the surreal situation where he’s offered the best thing in life, and it’s right there. Nobody has mentioned the price yet.

Because you love him, asking him to pay for what you want to give him doesn’t even cross your mind. You’re in love with this guy – by the very definition of the bond – and the last thing you want to do is to price yourself to the guy who could have anyone as far as you see it. He could snap his fingers and have women running to meet his every whim. And your worry is not to appear entirely too eager to do the same.

Therefore, you’ll never tell him what you expect of him performance-wise because you think you’d obviously give him anything for a hug. Friendship even. So he thinks he barely registers on your long list of suitors… or ultimately can’t really make you name your price. Can he live up to it or not? You don’t tell because the thought never crosses your mind; he assumes he’s no good for you, and he’s gone.

If you catch him before he does a disappearing act tho…

If you manage to impart to him that you actually want him, he may do “the potato sack.” He’ll test you on how much he’s going to be able to get away with before you tell him to fuck off. If you are in a relationship, he may feel that he’d rather it breaks now than later on when he’s all invested in you, he’s put everything into the relationship, and then, you discover that one unforgivable thing he does and dump his ass, take half his possessions and the kids, your friends, and his friends, and his family are all going to blame him for fucking it up…

Have you noticed? If a woman divorces her husband, we think, “Oh, she’s so brave and independent, he must have done something bad.” If he divorces his wife, people think: “Oh, he’s a quitter and a loser, no good. She’s lucky to have him gone.” Whatever happens in the relationship, people will think it’s his fault… The truth being that she’s far more likely to divorce him for something minor, when HE will have to walk in on you having sex with his boss or best friend before he feels justified dumping you.

The stakes are a lot higher for a guy. And the older he is at this stage, the chances he’s already been through something like this with a far lesser woman than you are super high.

So he may try and shove the things that he knows women hate him for right in your face now, rather than later… And if you don’t react, he’ll redouble the effort to see if he’s safe with you.

And now, YOU will think you’re in danger.

So now he’s acting bad. Whatever he can think of, he’s doing. And you have been educated by other women over and over, if he does this dump him, does that, dump him, you’re worth more. Yada yada.

Most relevant to this topic, women will remind you that you don’t think you can change him. They’ll remind you of all the women who tried to change a man, and he didn’t.

And I’ll repeat that advice. I agree with it. Don’t expect him to change. IF YOU LOVE HIM, if this is truly your True Emotion Mirror, bury your standards to the ground for this man and let him know as much. 0 requirements. 0 expectations. Let him know exactly how shit he can be before you stop loving him, describe the worst scenario possible, and let him know how you feel about it.

Do not say things you don’t mean, tho. This is not a place where going through the motions is going to cut it. Do not make promises you can’t keep, no matter how angelic it would make you look. This is not about your ego; this is about the truth. How badly would you let him fuck you over only to know he’ll be in your bed by evening… by dawn. :p Or back at all?

Consider it all.

Booze, drugs, other women. Men, even. Imagine him wearing a white dress to your best friend’s wedding just to embarrass you. Him quitting his job to force you to take care of him instead. Maybe he decides he’ll never have a shower again just to prove you hate his B.O.

To be fair, there are two reasons why a man might do things like that – or some light variety of it – one is to TEST your love and commitment, and the other is to genuinely turn you off him to show you he’s not interested in you and has 0 respect for you. The latter is unlikely if the embarrassment is public, as they would be simultaneously worried they’ll turn off the women they’re actually interested in, so the question is… When and how does he do this? To turn you off him where other women can’t see him or to test your love for him in front of everybody?

You can ask him, too. When he replies, believe him.

Men looking for unconditional love.

And then, there’s the vagabond variety. Men who are at their worst at all times, fearing impressing women will get him the wrong love. So he’s looking for his true love, and if you can see him for who he is, now it’s a test on you. CAN YOU see your true love or true friend when he’s absolutely doing nothing to deserve you or anyone else for that matter? When effort is toward the negative, to fuck up more, not less.

Save yourself from your ego: You love someone for who they are, not what they do or what fears they are battling.

And also save yourself from feminism. We have it easy. We STILL have it easy. Let’s appreciate that and try a little harder.

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