Love is selfish; it is clingy and needy, not at all a gift to the person “receiving” it

We MUST stop thinking about love as a gift, for it isn’t. It is not a gift to the person who you feel love for if it is at all a gift, it is a gift to the person who feels it. That is why we pay our idols to be loved, they are PAID to be loved, to remain there to adore, because it feels good to have the permission to love someone. That is why unrequited love never feels good to the person who is loved, even if it sometimes feels good to the person feeling that love.

Being the object of unrequited, demanding love FEELS AWFUL

At worst, being the object of love that one cannot return is energy-sapping, draining, obligating, tiring… It is EXHAUSTING to be loved by someone who you do not feel the same way towards. This, especially if they think that because they love you, you SHOULD return love to them. It is like being a full well next to a dry well. Your water is running into the dry well, but you get nothing in return. All that you receive came from you in the first place… (Weirdly, that is so often true. You teach a person to love, and what they give you is that exact thing you taught them, you got nothing from it.)

For as long as we regard loving as a gift and not loving as some kind of an emotional disability, we victimise the people we love and think we’re doing THEM a favor by insisting on being near them. In the meanwhile, the person you love feels like you’re a parasite feeding off on their energy.

Things are great when the feelings are mutual

To turn this around again… Once you feel just as much adoration and selfish need to be near that person who loves you, as they feel for you, things are in balance. It is more than give and take, it is a mutual, selfish desire to drown in the energy of the other person.

This, then, is not energy sapping, but an energy exchange. It transforms you, and them, to become better versions of themselves. We always want to be more like the people we love, up to a point – never identical as that would stop the energy exchange – but more alike anyway.

Things are also OK when the love is unconditional

It is also possible to love a person without the need of receiving love back from them. In that way, you simply enjoy their existence, you soak them in, but you do not expect them to feel the same way about you. You let go of your demands regarding their feelings and you stop trying to force their hand into loving you back.

This way, you can enjoy the feeling of loving ANYONE YOU WANT, without the need to be loved back. You’ll feel more liberated, less embarrassed, and always ready and willing to express love and appreciation when you feel it.

When you don’t feel love for a person who loves you

When a person who is loved doesn’t feel the love for the other person, they can’t “receive the package” anyway. Momentarily, maybe, they may put themselves in an unusually humbled state, in which they feel the love. This can rarely be done when that person is NOT in a loving connection with someone who they truly share their feelings with.

We must stop guilting the person not feeling love

We have this whole love thing reversed. If a Sun shines at full blaze, who do we thank, the Sun or the person feeling the heat? Do we blame the person for feeling cold when the Sun is not warm enough?

Stop blaming yourself for not being able to love someone who loves you. If you feel a stove is hot, do you think your hand produces the heat? You try to turn the stove on, but your hand cannot feel the heat. Do you blame the hand for being broken or the stove for failing to produce heat?

Love is a reaction to a person

Love is our reaction to a person. A sensation. It is NOT an emotion we produce out of nowhere and give to the person who we think deserves it. (This has been tried, too, of course.) Love is a reaction. If you want to thank someone for love, thank the person who inspires it in you… And stop demanding they’ll manufacture feelings for you, it’s your job to inspire love, not demand THEY do something about your inability to inspire love.

This is why there is such a thing as “a popular person” or “A well-loved individual”. They inspire love. They are what people love. They’re good at making people feel good about themselves. If they would act nasty, they wouldn’t be that widely loved anymore.  For instance. If they weren’t that talented, that awe-striking, they wouldn’t make people feel those things for them. They are not loved because the masses all of the sudden decided to point a finger at a random person and decide: “Let’s love that one.”

That one also won’t randomly choose who they love. They too need a reason to love someone. Something better than  that out of the thousands who love them, they decide “that one feels a mediocre amount of love for me, I find that charming, I’ll love that person back.”

Just saying.

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