Love less, respect more

This may be a difficult concept to wrap one’s head around because we’ve been preached the importance of love for so long, that we have completely ignored it’s more important counterpart; respect. Some world religions do attempt to describe it, but I am not sure if anyone has been able to make it quite clear what the importance of it is. This is the stuff of gurus, really, but something that is very much within the reach of us all.

Respect is the acknowledgement of our separation: You are you, you are not me, you are in charge of your own life, your own choices, your mistakes, your success. What you are, have or do does not reflect on me, no matter who you are to me. It is none of my business: your life, your call.

Love is the wish to make someone feel better, make their life better for them, but without respect, you run the risk of wanting something for them that they don’t want for themselves. Love, without respect, makes you a control someone’s life whether they like it (you) or not. You love them so much that any rejection of your help or gifts hurt you to the core and that forces them to accept your help or gifts even though they didn’t want any of it and you actually put a burden on them rather than relief. Respect removes that need for people to accept your love, because respect is the acceptance and even appreciation of separation and difference.

Respect is the emotion of trusting someone with their own life choices. Emotion that is almost out of reach of any modern parent. This is where you REALLY NEED TO PAY ATTENTION if you have children. Respect is the emotion that frees your children to be their own person and achieve THEIR OWN life goals. Even if you weren’t close and you held onto your feeling of love ignoring their need of respect, you can, through Law of Attraction, create a life for them that they don’t want, at worst making them an absolute loser no matter how talented they were. The bigger the difference between your dreams for them and their dreams for themselves are, the bigger your impact on their poor life outcome is if you do not respect them. If your child is a loser, look into the mirror, and most importantly so, if you are the mother. (Yes we’ve all heard it before it’s always the mothers fault but in this case I’m saying it most likely is, and the reason: you love too much and respect too little.)

Respect and love combined is an emotion that makes you give love and let go of that love as soon as it’s left your being. It’s purpose is nothing but give joy and happiness to another person; “Here, take it. Do what you want with it. I want you to be happy.” Then, you only feel joy at the thought of how good they might feel with the love you just gave them. It’s a smile at a good-looking stranger; “You look good, I want you to know. :)” without expectation of them returning the compliment. Respect is the emotion when you give money to a homeless guy never giving it a second thought whether he’ll buy booze and drugs with it. Respect is going to a strip club and admiring the dancers for what they do, without thinking whether or not you should try and save them from the life they chose for themselves. Sure you can tell the dancer that if they need help, here’s a number they can call (IF they look particularly distressed) but then you walk away. You give love for a moment, and then you leave them with it. Respect is making love to a person you just met, giving them a phone number in the morning if you feel love towards them, but never expecting them to call – not because you didn’t think they’d love you, but simply because they Owe You Nothing. Or not giving them your number, because you know their life is fine without you.

Respect is allowing people to come to you and leave you when they need to, but never forcing the issue of returning. Sometimes disrespectful people overstay their welcome, because they love you so that they cannot understand you might not need or like them there. Love without respect is an emotion of entitlement, superiority, bossiness, ownership. Respectful love is an emotion of amazement, allowance, giving, enjoyment.

And then we have respect alone: It is difficult to love everyone in the world, but you can respect everyone you meet with a little practise: “Their life, their choice,” but nothing should keep you from offering ANOTHER CHOICE should you genuinely feel they might welcome it, rather than just making grand judgements based on bible or your own beliefs about what people want out of life. And also… You can’t repeat offering that choice, because that is pestering and it is not an act of respect but love.

Most women, when they give love to a man or their child, they hold on to that love from the other end. They never release their grip on their love, because they feel they own that love. They don’t want to give it without getting some in return. So they yank it and keep hoping that some would come back their way. Only then they feel they are safe to give love freely – but often the other never gives you enough love so you’d feel reimbursed, and then you start calculating whether or not it would be safe to give more love or not. If you feel respect towards a person, you don’t even think about holding onto that love, you let it fly out and never worry whether it comes back or not. It may not. I’m not saying that it will, but it definitely has a lot better chances of being returned if it’s given with respect.

You should NEVER love without respect, but you can respect without love.

Love, without respect makes the other person an extension of yourself, whether they want to be it or not. If they love you back with same intensity without respect for you any more than you have for them, then it’s all good, but that is rarely the case. There are some people who bond like that; it is co-dependent love, that makes both of you accountable to each other, it will be certain that there will be fierce fighting in that relationship, because both of you will think the other one’s choices are their business. This is how our relationships usually start and develop in lower soul age levels, but as we mature, the constant fighting does get a little old. In order to stop being insecure about the other person’s choices that you may disagree with, you must realize that no matter how much you love them, their flaws are not your flaws and their success is theirs, too. Once they are their own person to you, you can simply focus on worshipping the ground they walk on, rather than be worried about their little flaws and how they might reflect on your person.

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