Love takes courage. (How much are you allowed as a man?)

Many men tend to react to the fear of doing the wrong thing by a woman by letting her take the lead. Most women don’t like being in complete charge, however. It’s a little like being in a relationship with your smartphone, right? A little pushback is nice. Having said that, a lot of men overdo this and do nothing but push back. Perfection, as it tends to be, is somewhere in the middle of two bad ways to do it.

There are two fears to manage: Being over-controlling and pushing her away, and being a push-over. Find the balance. Just don’t push her into things she doesn’t want to do, but also, don’t let her push you into things you don’t want, INCLUDING a sexless relationship.

The sex question.

I like to emphasize one point about romantic and sexual relationships with men. Sexual relationships should involve sex. Romantic relationships are based on sex.

While you can’t and should not pressure her into sex, you CAN and MUST remember a sexual relationship should involve sex, right? Otherwise, it’s just a common friendship, and you need a new candidate for your sexual partner. If she refuses sex in a sexual relationship, you must redefine the relationship because it’s not a romantic one in nature. Make it officially a friendship or leave.

In order to NOT pressure her into sex, you must LEAVE the relationship if it is sexless.

Don’t let her persuade you by her telling you that you are pressuring her into sex if you’re leaving her. Remind her that a sexual relationship should be based on sex, and if she is not looking for that, you must go and find someone else to fill that void in your life. It is not a threat. It is common sense. You might also stick that into your dating profile as a fair warning; you are specifically looking for a sexual relationship – not excluding romance, love, or connection, but it must involve sex.

You cannot force her into sex, and also, it would be wise to let things go to the point where you know she does not want to have sex with you and be comfortable leaving her on that premise. If you’d now stay and she’d put out more, you’d be actually pressuring her into sex. You must leave the relationship, so that’s not what you’re doing. You must feel sexually wanted and desired in a romantic relationship, it’s the whole point of having one.

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